He fills me up, he gives me love, more love than I’ve ever seen. The lyrics in this song speak to every fiber of my being, and Whitney Houston sounds like heavy invading earth.
I love you sweetheart. Thank you for being all the man that I’ll ever need.
Remember my last post “My Career Journey?” In this one, I want to revisit the experience that I mentioned which I desire to have as I work. And, here is a sample introduction letter that I am going to send out. How am I doing?
Greetings,
My name is Ressurrection Graves, author and speaker; formerly a celebrity massage therapist and business owner. I have authored several volumes of poetry, and a memoir released in 2011 entitled, Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to Love. The book is available on Amazon, and at: www.identitycrisisbook.com . I speak professionally on the following subjects:
Offer consulting services to support employees in conflict resolution; relationship problem solving post speaking engagement.
Small Group Customer Service and Communication classes (at work)
I host a blog entitled Love, Life, and Relationships: Overcoming Emotional and Child Sexual Abuse at: www.ressurrection.wordpress.com . Please review my Author and Speaker Biography held at the aforementioned website and share it with professionals.
I currently offer two products:
Ten Ways to Safeguard your Child from Sexual Abuse DVD
Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to Love
Both products are often coupled with my speaking service to create a whole package for the audience members. I will conduct a book signing after most events to speak with participants one on one as well.
I currently have two upcoming speaking engagements to share:
Entitled, LOVE I will talk about what love is, healthy relationships and teen dating violence with students at Washington-Lee High School. One of the top 75 schools in the country.
University of Houston – This talk will focus on identifying our gifts, and overcoming the abuse that prevents us from activating and responding to the call on our lives.
Please consider sharing this email with five business professionals who would be interested in hiring me for their next engagement, and feel encouraged to subscribe to my blog: www.ressurrection.wordpress.com
Bonus: Join our Blog Review! Here are ten blogs that you can read and leave a comment, or share. Let us know how we’re doing and please submit your questions. Your thoughts may provoke an answer placed in my next blog!
Here is the release of Ten Ways to Safeguard Your Child from Sexual Abuse DVD – AS SEEN ON TV!
LIMITED TIME OFFER: For anyone who books Ressurrection as a Speaker for their next engagement between January 1, 2012 and April 30th, 2012 – your travel fees will be waived!
We live in a world where people have different passions, and associate their priorities by causes that is personally meaningful to them. Often people who get involved in breast cancer walks are survivors, or family members who have lost their close relatives to the disease. Parents take catalogs to work to raise money for activities that their children are involved in pushing Turtles (chocolate covered peanuts and caramel), or pizza. And, let’s not get started on Girl Scouts who are my personal favorite. They have fundraising on lock! I cannot walk past a girl scout without the taste of a Thin Mint, or a Tag-a-Long. If word of mouth selling didn’t work so well, I would open a Girl Scout physical location, though I would quickly run myself out of business and gain an unprecedented amount of weight.
Is it bad taste to ask for money to have the wedding of your dreams? According to many Yahoo Answers, and Google Searches where I located blogs and websites on the subject, it seems that fundraising for your wedding is a great faux pau. This here blog will not give the same point of view. In fact, because of the sheer number of people asking the question, it is clear to me that many people really do need this as an option.
An American Wedding
A Beautiful Wedding first pictured in the Examiner.com
American Tradition says that the Father of the Bride walks down the aisle. There is traditionally a Matron and a Maid of Honor. The Matron is married and the maid is not but they represent your closest friends who will be responsible for making sure that your bridal and bachelorette parties are paid for, and that you don’t lose your mind with all of the wedding details.
So, what happens if you have no father, none of your closest friends are married, and your daughter is your best friend? Weddings must reflect what is in the heart of the bride and groom. They must be a celebration of their very own traditions and not be deemed a dictatorship.
Here is one other thing to think about. American Tradition has about eight different events that are required including the wedding and reception. There are rehearsal dinners, engagement parties, bachelor and bachelorette parties for example. What happens when you do not want to or cannot afford to have all of these events?
For the people who want to keep us with the Jones’, it will be increasingly difficult to deviate into a world where you think for yourself and create your own memorable occasion. There are indeed American traditions to which many wealthy people live by. Weddings are ridiculously expensive, and will be stressful unless you stick to what is important, the parts of the wedding that makes the start of your life together feel like you have been born again giving birth to the rest of your life.
How many Gifts do you need?
Many complaints that I saw were judging the bride and groom for how they split up the bridal parties or the fact that they had more than one. Many brides and grooms want to keep their family events separate from friends and from co-workers. This is not necessarily our story but I don’t really see why separating certain groups would be a problem. Perhaps the bride and/or groom have a dysfunctional family. Maybe they have dysfunctional friends. Maybe the bride and groom are great people that get along with people from different backgrounds who may not necessarily get along with each other. The other maybe is that they could want to keep business and personal relationships different though they want the ability to share this special time in their life with both sides. I personally do not feel that I would want to be doing peer mediation at my wedding. But the point is, my wedding is my choice and people are able to participate in whatever way that they want to express their love to us- as long as it is something that we have requested.
The Wedding of Your Dreams
Many negative Commenters have said, about giving money, “Why should we help give you the wedding of your dreams?” I guess my question is, “Why not?” We give to dog pounds, and send 40 cents a day to commercials but there is a group of people who believe that giving in this way would be more cause worthy than supporting someone getting married. My only caution is that people should not get married for the event of the wedding or for the wedding of your dreams.
You get married to celebrate the fact that you have found the one for you. I also caution talking about how much you and your mate-to-be intend to spend on your wedding because it is none of anyone’s business really. People will always try to tell you how to spend a $1 whether they give you one or not. This is your day, your moment that you are sharing with them.
In reality, you don’t have to have a wedding to include everyone but like my husband-to-be, he simply will not get married without being able to share the joy with his family. It is a family affair. I used to think that way, but I really don’t have many people to invite to the wedding, or that many people that I think will want to come because I am not in a large family – my friends are my family. So, I could have a destination wedding, but I want him to have his moment. We are one.
In many families, the in-kind gifts lead the way. People who can cook or offer specific goods and services offer it, which lessen the cost of the wedding. This can be the great stress reducer, and still help you to have a great wedding. Most people have at least one relative who can cook, sew, lift something heavy, and/or works at a place that can get you a discount on something you need for the wedding. Wouldn’t it be great if you had a family member that worked at a hotel or banquet hall?
Fundraising for your Wedding
You are probably wondering, if you choose to fundraise, what would be appropriate. In my own wedding planning, we are choosing fundraising that will include family members so that we are allowing our families and friends to bond while we engage in the festivities. We are planning to do a wedding themed carwash, a bar-b-que and a family-style full court basketball game. Each event will cost a few dollars, and all proceeds will go toward the wedding. I say, do some things that reflect you and your partner’s beliefs. Marriage is about two becoming one. If you do not have a budget at all- and you have no way of saving money for a wedding, marriage should not be a deterrent to starting your life together. Additionally, while well meaning family members and blog responders may want to send you to the justice of the peace down at the county courthouse, which is their vision and their opinion, you are not living for them.
You can raise as much money as you can, or even find sponsors. Maybe people have their opinions about the Kim Kardashian wedding, as do I but I have to give it to her, she found sponsors. If I had the ability to find sponsors in order to have the wedding of my dreams, I would. Maybe that is the business woman in me, but it beats going into unnecessary debt.
Once you have finished fundraising, you take your total and work with what you have. There are many websites that offer gently used wedding dresses, tuxedos, and other wedding essentials for very little money at all. I found a beautiful wedding dress the other day on www.recycledbride.com for $300. I have never used their service before but I am considering it. I could care less if it has been used before to be honest. And, I’m not big on flowers but there are some other important elements in my wedding that we will not want to be skimpy on. Some people use synthetic flower arrangements to save money.
Wedding Fundraising for People with Illnesses
Permissible fundraising seems to be appropriate for brides who have been born with an unfortunate birth defect or terminal disease. Wish Upon a Wedding is a non-profit organization that was birthed to fulfill this very need. And, I ask you – why is terminal illness an appropriate excuse to answer anyone’s prayer? Why would a wedding be seen as a cause? I am not sure why people believe that you should only help those who are so far down that their story appears to be unable to affect you.
We don’t typically help people whose situation we feel could happen to us, instead we (as in not me), often only help people who we deem to be so impoverished or so incapacitated that helping them is a consellation prize, or alms giving. If the person appears to have the slightest hope of helping themselves, we (as in not me), will often keep watching them fall or beg for help until they make it. We then reward them with affirmation that we knew that they could do it, and offer it as an excuse for not giving them a hand up – as if that will reclaim the relationship you once had or establish a new one.
I will say this about how people judge, not only weddings but in every situation it seems. They judge the person by what they would do if they were handed their set of circumstances when we are all different, and often the person judging the person in need would not know how to handle what the person is going through, because we all process things in life that we go through in different ways.
When Jesus healed people, he never qualified them. He never said that he would only heal someone if they looked a certain way, or did something for him, or acted a certain way. He healed people that were considered sinners, and people that were of different ethnicity. He only required faith. In other words, when a person is getting married, stop qualifying them. Either be a part of their healing and celebration or separate yourself. Unfortunately, to walk away from someone when they are starting a brand new part of their life like marriage is often telling of how your relationships may grow or disconnect in the future.
The exception to this rule is if you do not approve of the person that your loved one, friend, co-worker is marrying because you know that they have a history of some kind of abuse or instability in the relationship. I agree that you may not want to show your support if you know the person is not in a healthy relationship but I do not believe that you should judge someone’s choice in how they wed.
Are You Financially Ready to Marry?
From Plus Size Bride To Be .Com
Do people really wait for years to get married because of their finances? I do not agree that you should not get married if you have no money. I do believe that you should talk about your views about money, and your expectations of your current and future earnings together as a part of pre-marital counseling talk. However, if you are like me who has a supernatural love story where you and your mate-to-be may have met when you had absolutely nothing, lost everything, had to start over, you should not wait for years just to try to afford your wedding when you are late on rent.
The truth is, even if you are not in the most financially stable position, if you are working to move forward, and are able to agree on certain goals within your relationship, then your decision to get married at this time is not anyone else’s business. They can support it, but they do not have a right to push their beliefs about love and marriage on you.
For many poor Americans, you may find love, and never find your dream job or entrepreneurial endeavor that makes you a ton of money. You should not punish yourself or allow anyone else to punish you by saying that you have not earned the right to be married because you cannot afford it. Like children, I believe that finding the one who will love you in this life with every fiber of their being is the greatest gift of all.
Most people who meet the man or woman of their dreams are not financially able to marry without going into debt. Most Americans have $100 or less in their bank account. I think if you take the wealthy people out of that average, you’ll find that most people have about $5 in their accounts between paychecks but that is my warm opinion.
With that said, there are many wealthy people who get married spending money that they do have, but marrying to wrong person. The answer is no, if you are reading this, you are likely not financially “ready” to get married by society’s standards. I have another answer for you. The answer is YES. You are financially able to get married if you and your partner have talked about your finances in detail, are completely honest about where you are and on the same page with where you are going. You must come up with solutions for getting married and for me that will mean fundraising. If you are reading this because you’ve googled a question about fundraising, it may mean the same for you as well.
In Conclusion
Etiquette Hell is a website dedicated to people who are scared of saying what they feel to people when they are offended so they have archived this website for us all to refer to in case we do not know how to treat our neighbors. I spent hours of my life that I will never get back reading all of the stories. Out of ten, only two were actually an issue, the rest were opinions of how someone else’s wedding should have gone. It says it right on the website that these are the thoughts that people think but won’t say to the person that they have an issue with, and after what I read in some of the blogs, it is because they are not necessarily right in their assertions of the events.
I am in etiquette hell right now, to think that all of this time, people have this opinion that they would rather give to causes about saving dogs lives, animal skins, or some other causes but love, the very thing that we are manufactured by, is not an acceptable cause to celebrate via donation through fundraising.
To brides-to-be, do not be afraid to create a ceremony, and accompanying celebrations including fundraisers that will support you and your partner beginning your life together as one. Let’s put it this way, if there is no one that will support your efforts, then are they really worth having a ceremony for?
The wedding, the vows, and moment are for you but feeding attendees and making it beautiful is an option. If family members and friends are that appalled that you need help with your wedding, then perhaps you should consider a destination wedding and let them miss it altogether. If your family loves you, they will want to be involved, and there are all kinds of family oriented strategies that can save you time, money and tears.
Did you know that perpetrators find my blogs too? They have computers, jobs, and families. Predators are not only online but they are Hollywood Producers, and unfortunately often someone’s mother or father, sister or brother, wife or husband.
In The Bible and Child Sexual Abuse I my focus was to touch on the subject of what we as a body of Christians can do to eradicate the epidemic. One in four girls, and one in six boys will have experienced child sexual abuse in their life time. Ninety-Three percent of perpetrators of child sexual abuse are religious. What this means is that could be your pastor, the Sunday school teacher, the man or woman who offers to walk your child to the bathroom, the usher or other church member. What this also means is that the improper thinking that you have found a great person to marry because they are religious or spiritual has become obsolete. We have to ask for what we really want, but that is a completely other blog that I wrote about how to ask for that experience. I have made that blog available here.
In this text, I will bring some clarity to the location where sexual morality in the bible is approached, who talked about it, and why. I will also talk about the history in the text and hope to resolve any conflicts that you may have with the ideas associated with child sexual abuse and God’s intent to dismiss or confront the issue.
Disclaimer: I am a Christian. Not all of my work is dedicated to such depth in scriptural exploration however, I respond to the need in front of me. There are people hurting who want to use the bible as a tool and standard for living. This blog is going to share in the Christian faith what God’s standard is from a non-denominational perspective. Non-Denominational Christians are just that- we believe that it is not about living a life conformed to religiosity at all, but one with regard to faith. This teaching is not designed to offend you and is sensitive in nature because we are talking about sexual morality. I welcome your appropriate comments. We will look at both old and new testament. Lastly, what I will share is not about my personal opinion. On the matter, I don’t really have a personal opinion, I side with the text. And, for clarity – having an opinion on homosexuality does not make you a part of hate speech or homophobic. It is okay for us to disagree as long as we love.
Child Molestation is improper touching, fondling, groping of a child. Sodomy is anal penetration, a form of rape. Rape and Sexual Assault are terms used to describe when someone penetrates your vagina or anus without consent to sex. There are other terms that have surfaced over the years like Sexual Violence which relate to any violent or violating acts of non-consensual penetration.
God does speak on the matter though it is often not spoken of in churches. Many churches talk about sexual morality as it relates to fornication and homosexuality, but they do not delve into child sexual abuse. For this reason, I will briefly address fornication and homosexuality and then the subject matter of child sexual abuse.
FORNICATION AND HOMOSEXUALITY
I am not a beat around the bush kind of woman so let’s confront what you may find uncomfortable in the text (if this may apply to you), before moving on. Many churches have homosexual pastors like B. Slade formerly known as Tonex’ whose parents left him their flock when they went to be with the lord.
B. Slade, means just that he says, when you come into who we’ve known as Tonex’s presence you will be slayed! He’s referring to the power of the Holy Ghost. He is rebranding his image to, in my personal opinion a more flamboyant, secular and public interest with his homosexuality. On You Tube, there is a video of him standing atop a bar singing and jirating (while a man yells in the background) into the splits during his performance of “Freak U Good.”
B. Slade formely known as Tonex’
Many Christians are torn by this. I saw it coming I am not surprised by his new platform. There are many current homosexual gospel artists that I can mention, but I will not for the sake of staying on topic of this post. The question is, Is homosexuality a sin? By the scriptures the answer is a resounding yes. According to scriptures, we were all born into sin. That means that we were all born with something that we must overcome. A responder on one of his video interviews said it this way,
“You were born gay, I was born an angry, spiteful, lying, vindictive fornicator… we need to stop treating homosexuality as some special sin. Jesus Overcame That Sin Just Like The Rest!!! So the issue is not how we were born – we were ALL born in sin – it’s about whether we choose to use the power God’s provided to NOT act on our fallen desires and whether or not we allow him to process us into wholeness….”
And then there is Tye Tribbett whose music we all adore. He and his group have broken up, and he is redesigning his brand, after a brush with adultery a while back. I also saw this coming. I am not judging either of these men but I want to make clear that according to the bible and the code of conduct for sexual morality, there is no difference between the sin of homosexuality, fornication, and child sexual abuse. The requirement for holiness is the same. God takes sexual morality extremely serious and he requires that we live a life that is composed, humble, and yes morally satisfying to him.
Tye and Shante Tribbett
I am proud of Tye Tribbett for how he has turned his “fornication” or adultery into a testimony to help other couples to live a life of fidelity, free from selfishness and lust.
I will talk about this more in depth in a moment but what makes Tye Tribbett different from Eddie Long is repentance. There actions may not have been the same, but the process for dealing with sin is.
By now, you want proof. You want to know where in the bible other than Sodom and Gomorrah it states that homosexuality is not morally correct behavior. And, that is fine. I chose to deal with the Monkey in the room because the text about all sexual morality including child sexual abuse are in the same chapter in Leviticus.
In order to say that child sexual abuse is sexually immoral behavior, you would have to also acknowledge that the bible does not ignore fornication and homosexuality. The church remains silent on the matter of child sexual abuse just as the family does.
My cause, and position is not to teach for or against homosexuality but I understand that those questions may arise because of the sensitivity in the information that I am providing. Instead my focus and my life is dedicated to empowering others to prevent and overcome child sexual abuse. I think Joel Olsteen did a phenominal job on answering Oprah’s question about his biblical view of homosexuality.
Below we will examine where in the scriptures child sexual abuse is spoken about, how God desires us to handle a discovery, and the process to forgiveness.
ARE ABOMINATION AND SIN INTERCHANGEABLE
I had a friend who is homosexual. she is a Christian, and entrepreneur so we have much in common. She is a member of the Pastor’s Care Ministry at her church for homosexuals. She would always bring up biblical speech to me as if she were trying to find a way to seem right in my eyes.
She has been in a homosexual relationship for years. She first introduced me to Leviticus 18 because of the scripture. She presented the argument that the bible does not refer to homosexuality as a sin rather an abomination. I love my friend, and quite honestly I miss her terribly but she was more concerned about her lifestyle than I am. She will never change my mind or belief that homosexuality is a sin, but that doesn’t mean that I judged her for her actions.
All of us have areas in our lives that we must examine, and change. But, it struck me as odd that she was so interested in trying to “get into heaven,” especially if she is comfortable with her lifestyle choice. Where she spends eternity is really not for me to judge, it is between her and God.
She said, that abomination is not sin so she will still go to heaven. You see, her desire is not to repent (to turn away from) homosexuality, she wants to marry her long time girlfriend and wears a beautiful diamond engagement ring I might add.
My job is not to determine if sexually immoral people will go to heaven or hell, and that certainly isn’t the main topic here. However, I want to clarify abomination. As I mentioned to her, if the text on sexual immorality says that it is an abomination to god which is “Something that God hates”, and not a Sin (which is something that God also hates), why would you want to do anything that someone you love, hates? Let me be more clear. She’s right it is an abomination to commit acts of child sexual abuse and the scripture is specific in Leviticus 18. An abomination is something is detestable to God. Why would you want to do something that he hates?
It is important to show you that there is indeed a difference between abomination and sin. I want to focus more on what steps should be taken once you have found a perpetrator of child sexual abuse so I am going to reference a source that I found about the difference between abomination and sin HERE for your personal study and meditation.
Here are some definitions that will help you, that I have borrowed from the link above.
The Greek word for sin is HARMATRIA or HARMARTANO. The meaning is “to be without a share in; to miss the mark; to err, be mistaken; to miss or wander from the path of uprightness and honour, to do or go wrong; to wander from the law of God, and to violate God’s law”.
“The Hebrew word for sin is CHATA and means “to miss the way, to err, to miss the mark, to wander from the way, to become unclean”. Another Hebrew word used for sin is PESHA and means“transgression and rebellion”. It refers to those who rebel against God’s intended way in their lives.”
“As we consider the word for abomination in the New Testament, it is the Greek word BDELUSSO or BDELUGMA and means “to abhor, a foul thing, a detestable thing, to stink, smell bad, odious, wickedness, and to turn one’s self away from on account of the stench”. In the Old Testament there is more than one word used for abomination. The main word used is TOWEBAH and means “a disgusting thing, a thing of wickedness”.
THE BIBLE AND CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE
Are you still wondering what God has to say about Child Sexual Abuse? In Leviticus 18, in the second book of the bible located in the old testament Moses was told by god to convey to the Israelites that they would not be able to bring their mess with them (see verse 2). In verse 4 the Lord tells Moses that “You shall do My ordinances and keep My statutes and walk in them. I am the Lord your God.”
As the chapter continues there are references to sexually immoral incestuous relationships, and relationships with family by marriage, neighbors, and same sex. In the verses of Chapter 18 bestiality was prohibited as well.
In the latter verses of the book on sexual morality, it says this:
24Do not defile yourselves in any of these ways, for in all these things the nations are defiled which I am casting out before you.
25And the land is defiled; therefore I visit the iniquity of it upon it, and the land itself vomits out her inhabitants.
26So you shall keep My statutes and My ordinances and shall not commit any of these abominations, neither the native-born nor any stranger who sojourns among you,27For all these abominations have the men of the land done who were before you, and the land is defiled–
28[Do none of these things] lest the land spew you out when you defile it as it spewed out the nation that was before you.
29Whoever commits any of these abominations shall be cut off from among [his] people.
30So keep My charge: do not practice any of these abominable customs which were practiced before you and defile yourselves by them. I am the Lord your God.
THE CEREMONIAL, CIVIL AND MORAL LAWS OF LEVITICUS
Please remember that I am not God. I am sharing information based on the word of God, and the subject that we speak of is sensitive in nature. Most churches don’t talk about it, because they do not want to deal with it.
Church until recent years have been a male dominated society, and while matters of abuse are significant, many perpetrators are in pulpits *cough* Eddie Long.Derrick Gilyard was the pastor of a church in Jacksonville Florida. He was found guilty of sexting, and rape. He was involved with more than one incident in that church. He served three years, and upon release went down the street to begin to preach at a new church location. He is a convicted sexual offender.
Not that I by any means agree with the fact that Bishop Paul S. Morton (the person who ordained Eddie Long into ministry), being ill responsive to Eddie Long’s silence to repentance on the matter of his child sexual abuse, but some are still dispassionate about Long’s removal because he is not convicted. What is the excuse of those in Gilyard’s camp?
I have more respect for Bishop Paul S. Morton Sr. for his open rebuke as I believe it shows his commitment to christian character, but enough time has passed, and Eddie Long has been unwilling come to repentance.
Bishop Paul S. Morton is in a position to take his rebuke further and to disassociate himself with Eddie Long’s ministry as a result of his sexual misconduct with New Birth members.
So, how do you handle child sexual abuse scandals in the church? Whether it is a leader or not Leviticus is a relevant body of scripture. I found an amazing explanation from someone on Yahoo Answers! I am going to quote his answer here:
“Many Christians are perplexed when they confront the issue of the Mosaic Law. How binding is the Law on the Christian? Some have said that Jesus abolished the Law of Moses. I would have to disagree, based on the following passage spoken by Jesus Himself:Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil. (Matthew 5:17)
Some have suggested that by “fulfil,” Jesus meant “abolish.” Indeed, “abolish” is one meaning of “fulfil,” but it is also the only meaning of “destroy.” So if He had meant “abolish,” He might as well have said, “I am not come to abolish, but to abolish.” We can assume, therefore, that Jesus meant, “to develop the full potentialities of” when He said “fulfil.”So why then do Christians not observe the Mosaic Law?
The answer is that they do observe parts, but not all of it. Some parts of the Law were meant to be temporary, while others were intended to be permanent. This is seen in the fact that before Moses, the ancient Jews were not bound to the ritual commands (except circumcision).
If the Mosaic Law was not meant to be temporary, then either God changes or the God of the righteous men and women before Moses was a different god. But this is absurd. We know that the God of Abraham was the God of Moses, and that He is our God today. The coming of Christ made parts of the Mosaic law unnecessary.
In order to understand this, we must realize that the Law is made up of three parts: ceremonial, civil, and moral.The ceremonial law related specifically to Israel’s worship. Since its primary purpose was to point to the coming Savior, Jesus made it unnecessary. He did not abolish it, in the sense of destroying it; He fulfilled it. Nowhere do we read that Jesus thought that the ceremonial law was wrong.
The principles behind the ceremonial law are still applicable to us today, that is, the principles of worshipping and serving a holy God.The civil law prescribed rules for the Israelites’ daily living. These laws separated the Jews from the Gentiles, and gave the Gentiles the example of how a holy people should live.
Since much was given to the Jews, much was expected. But God gave a new covenant in Christ, and there is now no distinction to be made between Jew and Gentile. We are still to follow the requirements of this law as God’s people, but the punishments are not for any nation to impose on its people, because we are no longer separated by nations but by God’s grace (Christians and non-Christians).The moral law is basically the Ten Commandments.
We are still bound by these laws, not for salvation, but to live a holy life. Jesus not only desired that His followers adhere to these commandments, He wished that they would go above and beyond them. He said, “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: but I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment…”
He desired not only an outward observance of these laws, but an inward observance as well.So we see that the parts of the Law that have been rendered obsolete are those that contain ordinances. An ordinance is either a memorial of something that has already passed or a type of something in the future. The Old Testament laws containing ordinances were not meant to be permanent. There are no ordinances in the Ten Commandment Law.Now, we must remember that following rules and regulations will not get us into heaven. It is only through the blood of Jesus that we can see heaven. But if we love Him, we will keep His commandments. (6 years ago) according to Yahoo, and Written by: William Z“
There is a difference between Condemnation and Conviction.
QUESTIONS ABOUT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE IN THE CHURCH
I have presented much clarity for the backdrop to answer the following questions
How do I forgive my child molester?
How should a pastor handle child sexual abuse in the church?
Does God forgive Child Molesters?
Is Child Sexual Abuse in the bible?
Does God love child abusers?
What does the bible say about having sex with family members?
Where does it say that I can not have sex with a child?
Are you surprised? Remember I said that ninety-three percent of predators are religious. They want the same answers that you want. It doesn’t mean perpetrators will use the information to change but they do want to at least know if it is in there.
Currently there are no known cures for child molesters, child sexual abusers, pedophiles or rapists. Psychologically, and scientifically this kind of life style is viewed with the same eyes as addiction. In twelve step programs all over the country, they believe that you always have the disease and can relapse at any time. As Christians, yes we are optimistic and believe that any one is entitled to second chances. We also believe that God can heal anyone, at anytime, anywhere, and however he wants to. With child sexual abuse however, statistics showed that rehabilitation is not an option for perpetrators, they re-offend within fifteen years some studies show. There is a case history that shows that registered sexual offenders should be extricated from their communities and for good reason, your children could be their prey.
Disclaimer:Unfortunately not all registered sexual offenders are actually guilty of their conviction. Similar to murder, and other types of crimes where attorneys have come up with how they will or will not defend a client, many people in today’s society are convicted of things that they did not actually do.
Regardless of whether the sexual offender is convicted or not, if you are in absolute knowledge of this perpetrator offending, and you leave your child with them, or stay with them because you don’t want to leave, you are putting your family in grave danger. It is irresponsible and in many states, illegal. The only thing required to know that a sexual offender is in fact an offender is that someone has shared that information with you, like your child.
A recent study by our federal government confirm that it costs us $124 Billion dollars over the lifetime of victims of child sexual abuse due to mental illness, physical and psychologically related costs. It is a health crisis alone. The Catholic Church in an article published in 2007 stated that they have given out $2 Billion dollars to victims of child sexual abuse. This money could have been used to support children in education, impoverished places, and provided additional support to the community, instead benevolence funds are being used to settle child sexual abuse cases out of court.
DO NOT TAKE CHRISTIANS TO COURT
This is one of the most unexplained and poorly used sayings in the Christian faith, in my personal opinion. No one knows what it means but they hear it on the street instead of reading it in the bible. It is kind of like me telling you to never go to New York because something bad will happen to you, and you having confidence in me decide to do no internal investigation or seek god, but believe my opinion. We are all ministers of the gospel, and God requires us all to have a one on one relationship with him so that we can know his ways, and to know how to respond in situations. This is why it is crucial to know the bible for yourself.
So, get your bible and come with me for a moment. In Leviticus 19: 17 the bible essentially says to Love your brother, but rebuke him as necessary. in verses 15-18 he requires us to judge a case righteously based on the merits of the situation.
Christians have a higher godly standard of living and should be able to address life situations with wisdom and integrity. The text that I am sharing with you (Matthew 18:15-17) is not saying that we should NOT take others who are not Christians to court either. This chapter is speaking about spiritual authority and power. The text challenges us to use our own spirit to make righteous decisions that will resolve conflicts.
HOW TO HANDLE ANY MATTER WITHIN THE CHURCH
Matthew 18:15-17
King James Version (KJV)
15Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
Go to Your Brother and Tell Him his Fault.
Take One or Two People with You.
Tell the Church
Openly Rebuke Him
I caution you to do research on this subject. God is not a God of confusion. His desire is not that we would gossip, or backbite in our relationships. The reason that he says to take it to your brother is in hopes that they are mature enough to admit their faults. These are not just faults that you don’t like, and in this case we will use the example of child sexual abuse which causes physical, emotional and psychological damage to victims.
Further, if the person will not acknowledge their faults, you get two people who walk in love, and that can go with you to talk to the person. They are not going to tell them that you are right, and that they are wrong. They are approaching the person out of love to support them in overcoming whatever it is they have done wrong, providing that they are willing to acknowledge it.
When it goes before the church, it is an open rebuke and a warning to others of the persons conduct so that the church members would beware of such actions, like child sexual abuse. And finally, if the pastor has prayed about it, and the severity of the situation requires it because it could stumble or harm other members of the Christian community, they are to be expelled. See Luke 18 again for the reference to sexual immorality.
Paul was a Tent Maker, and Missionary Apostle. During the time that Jesus shared with us (Matthew 18) how we should handle church disputes, it was because Paul had observed that as a Christian Community who has been called to a higher level of contemplation and action of christian conduct, we should be able to handle our issues without involving the world. The government during that time sanctioned a Christian Court. This would be a court that allowed clergy men to judge a matter. It wasn’t that Christians did not take Christians to court. Christians had their own court system to judge themselves. In other words, instead of these millions and billions of dollars that are going out of the church in settlement, if the priests, and preachers were caught before the climax they should have been immediately reprimanded and taken out of their position of leadership, as an option for punishment.
THE PRESENT DAY CHURCH AND CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE
We do not have a separate Christian Court where pastors judge conflicts. We say we do, but we don’t. Many pastors, and clergymen ignore very serious issues, and not follow the bible as it pertains to handling church disputes. When a person in the church takes another person’s money to do a fake investment, believers are told to just pray for them and walk in love. The same is required of adultery and other forms of Christian misconduct. I am not saying all churches do this, but many.
Currently Pastors are not mandated reporters. There are still religious freedoms which support clergymen being active in judging the conflicts of their congregations and making decisions about misconduct. However, in the case of child sexual abuse, many of the perpetrators are in leadership, and this method is not working.
As a body we must stand up, and demand the mantel of leaders who commit acts of sexual immorality if they have not repented and turned away from their wicked ways. I can’t for the life of me understand how Jamal Bryant and other leaders including the Pentecostal, Baptist, and Catholic Churches are able to stay in their positions of power without answering to what they have done. Actions can not be swept under the rug.
TAKING IT TO COURT
Finally, the bible does not indicate that you can not as a Christian take someone who is, or is not a Christian to court. The bible says that the dispute should be able to be handled outside of court because of your spiritual sophistication, but there are exceptions. If you call the police because you or your child have been a victim of sexual violence, you are not wrong, or sinfully unrighteous. You use wisdom.
Paul advised the church of Corinth to avoid giving an unbeliever the right to judge situations between believers, Paul was not saying that Christians should not take Christians to Court, they had a court system for believers only.
Your pastor may not be required to immediately report a predator. He can choose to pray with him and work with his sickness believing God for healing however, if he persists in ignoring the situation, your pastor may not be in right standing with God because of the clear guidelines for mishandling abuse.
The reference for taking someone to court is in the following scriptures:
1 Corinthians 6:1-7 When one of you has a dispute with another believer, how dare you file a lawsuit and ask a secular court to decide the matter instead of taking it to other believers! Don’t you realize that someday we believers will judge the world? And since you are going to judge the world, can’t you decide even these little things among yourselves? Don’t you realize that we will judge angels? So you should surely be able to resolve ordinary disputes in this life. If you have legal disputes about such matters, why go to outside judges who are not respected by the church? I am saying this to shame you. Isn’t there anyone in all the church who is wise enough to decide these issues? But instead, one believer sues another—right in front of unbelievers!
Even to have such lawsuits with one another is a defeat for you. Why not just accept the injustice and leave it at that? Why not let yourselves be cheated? Instead, you yourselves are the ones who do wrong and cheat even your fellow believers.(NLT)
And here is a great reference for the above scripture and discussion. Click Here.
Approximately 47 States, the District of Columbia, American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, and the Virgin Islands impose penalties on mandatory reporters who knowingly or willfully fail to make a report when they suspect that a child is being abused or neglected. 2 Failure to report is classified as a misdemeanor in 39 States and American Samoa, Guam, and the Virgin Islands. 3 In Arizona, Florida, and Minnesota, misdemeanors are upgraded to felonies for failure to report more serious situations, while in Illinois and Guam, second or subsequent violations are classified as felonies. Twenty States and the District of Columbia, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, and the Virgin Islands specify in the reporting laws the penalties for failure to report. 4 Upon conviction, a mandated reporter who fails to report can face jail terms ranging from 10 days to 5 years or fines ranging from $100 to $5,000. In seven States and American Samoa, in addition to any criminal penalties, the reporter may be civilly liable for any damages caused by the failure to report.
As Christians, we are called to forgive. We are also called to walk in love, but walking in love does not constitute being walked over. You can forgive those things that are behind you without forgetting that the assailant is still capable of hurting others. Ultimately, reporting your abuser is a personal choice and you will not get pushed from me, but as a protector, a parent, a member of a church body, we should all respond with alarm and urgency when a child reports that they have been touched, groomed, sodomized, or sexually abused in some way. Keeping silent about Sexual Violence is unacceptable.
Mandated Reporters are not limited to social workers, and those who work around children. This includes individuals who are citizens that are keeping the secret of abuse at home, or in the family. There are continued efforts to charge individuals who allow abuse to take place without reporting it. We are all responsible for our children. $124 Billion in responsibility.
Written By: Ressurrection Graves, Author and Speaker
May is National Foster Care Month. My blog is dedicated to Love, Life and Relationships: Overcoming Emotional and Child Sexual Abuse. In honor of the thirty four percent of foster children that experience child sexual abuse, and those who experience emotional or psychological abuse, please answer the following questions below for consideration to have your story shared on our blog. The context of each blog will be that your life is now a testimony or witness to other foster children coming behind you who will want to use your strength in times of weakness to overcome abuse, and to make a life for themselves that will be an example for someone else.
How old were you when you became a foster child?
How many homes did you live in?
Were you sexually abused as a child?
Are you able to tell your story by sharing the nature of your relationship with those who have abused you? (Foster Care Sister/Brother/Mother/Father etc.)
Did you ever tell anyone about what happened to you?
Why do you want to tell your story?
What do you do now for fun?
What is your occupation?
Do you have a stable family life? Children, Spouse, Friendships that you cherish?
How have you overcome being sexually abused, and being a foster care survivor?
Note: You will be required to tell your real name however, you will not have to give real names for the people that you mention in your story.
Leaders are readers they take history and recreate it,
they get lost in powerful stories and become one.
Leaders never dwell on their title because
they possess their position so well that others make up titles for them in reverence.
Leaders are patient teachers with multiple gifts
and they stick to their authentic selves.
They choose paths that allow them to do what they love while saving lives.
Leaders believe they are winning even when to others,they are losing;
Leaders see a dead end and build a bridge;
pave a road;
change their transportation;
are the change in their relationships.
Leaders are not conceited because they hang around people with gifts that they don’t have.
Leaders have followers, not because they are bullies;
they are irresistible beings with endless solutions who master their behavior.
Leaders are imperfect people who reinvent themselves as often as they add a new skill.
In many cases, a leader may not be liked, or respected but they cannot be denied.
Leaders know that God is their source, and not their resource.
They pray for wisdom and gain abundance.
We are in an overflow experience where
the remnant of Martin’s Dream and Obama’s Change as taken root.
More children have access to higher dimensions of theory than ever before.
Your grandparents were told to be quiet unless spoken to,
while we believe children have a pure sense of faith and creativity for the world;
they should be heard.
Just as this world is eliminating a middle class,
We must equip ourselves to be truly free at last.
From the chains of mediocrity, that people swallow as an excuse like a placebo;
deceiving themselves by maintaining their pain
instead of manifesting a cure,
This is a charge to each and every one of you to want more.
See your gifts to the world and own them, each and every one.
Know that Leaders are readers, they study to create.
They look their weaknesses right in the fragility of their face.
They have vision that some blind men cannot see.
Leaders have been known to be worth more than their invoice fee,
until the tipping point happens when those watching are still in disbelief.
You are a Leader.
It is a universal calling from Heaven but like God, we have free will to choose.
I FOREVER believe that God put leader inside of you!
Written By: Ressurrection Graves
Date: April 30th, 2011
Performed: May 7th, 2011
This poem is special. It was an honor to write and deliver this poem inside of the Nation’s Capitol for several hundred youth and their families.
A Special Thank You to Chonya Davis Johnson.
I also want to dedicate the release of this poem to David Russell Duerson also known to the world as Double D. A leader he was, and one of the most intelligent, knowledgeable men I had to pleasure to be friends and business associates with.
And, I’d like to say Happy Birthday Michael Jordan (my favorite basketball player of all time.)
The US Capitol Building - I performed The Characteristics of a Leader here!
Please do not take my brain and splatter it on your pages. Please do not take bits and pieces of me and put it all over the world. It seems a bit unholy; keep me together. I really do pour my heart out, and I don't want to feel like this blog is a bad breakup waiting to happen. I LOVE it when you re-blog here on Wordpress or send me emails inviting me to be featured in your space. I promise to wipe my feet, remove my shoes and bring supporting energy. Please, for the love of all that is indeed holy and majestic- share my work with your social media and email buttons to the left of this message (under each blog). All Content Is Copyright Protected. Do not use content without permission. Peace. - Ressurrection Graves, Blog Owner (See Copyright Policy Page)
When you hire Ressurrection to speak at your event the travel fees will be waived from January 1, 2012- April 30th, 2012
February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, and April is Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month!
Please check out the Author and Speaker Biography page!
