The Bible and Child Sexual Abuse

Here is a snippet of my testimony, through poetry. Please listen as you read the below blog. You can subscribe to this blog —> by entering your information on the right.

93% of Sexual Predators are Religious

How many more religious cases of abuse will happen before we start including sexual abuse and molestation conversation in the church? As a victor of child sexual abuse, and a Christian I just wanted to know if there was any mention at all of sexual abuse as a sin in the bible. We hear so much from the Catholic Church, and from situations in the Baptist, and Non-Denominational Churches. Regardless of sect, we are self identified Christians. Did you know that 93% of predators are religious? I will talk about this a little more below.

My mission is to go into churches and speak to the ministry leaders, and the congregation about sexual abuse because it is so widely spread within the church. I grew up with people who were molested by a man who I knew, in church. He never did it to me but he also thought I was angry, bad and defiant, which I was. He, I’m sure was afraid that I would fight and then snitch, which I would have. Although I have had encounters with sexual abuse outside of church, when I was made aware of this in the church, in my early twenties it left a heavy hurt within me for the women that I knew who carry this memory.

Jesse Timmendequas

This man is the reason that the Sexual Offender List called

A few weeks ago, I was at a friend’s house and there was something in my spirit that lead me to ask her about her children, whether they had experienced sexual abuse. The answer was a resounding yes. Without giving detail of the situation, I will say that we had a talk about it. She loves me deeply, and I love her the same so we can talk without anyone stomping out of the room or hanging up on each other, even when it would seem that offense would surface. She knows I would never want to hurt or condemn her.

I took some liberties with her that have separated my sister and I for years.  I told her that I supported her but I challenged her choice to not tell anyone about the predator. It was a family member and she used a scripture from the bible that says that you shouldn’t take anyone to court. Well, I’m prepared to show you that God sees Sexual Perversion as grounds for death, so in that sense, maybe she’s right!

Her situation angered me so much that I prayed that night and came up with Ten Ways to Safeguard you Child from Sexual Abuse. I prayed on it and got revelation and confirmation the following morning. It was all of my passions, the messages on the inside of me that I am supposed to share with others in a basket. I started writing about the list that was created. I realized that this is such an epidemic that I could not keep quiet.

You May Also Like: Why Child Sexual Abuse Grooming Should Be A Crime

I don’t think I’m operating in me right now. This is not something you wake up in the morning and want to do to be honest, at least not me. I wrote Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to Love as a memoir that I believe would bless others out of my obedience to my higher power, not realizing that it would indeed create a platform or that it would open doors the way that my prophetess friend shared.

As I do more research and learn how I can be of service, I realize that 80% of people who suffer from drug and alcohol addiction have been sexually abused.  The Abel and Harlow Child Molestation Prevention Study was conducted with 4,000 admitted child molesters. They found that 77% of child molesters are married. You are probably wondering why I have random pictures in this post. These pictures are of men who are convicted child molesters.

Famous Hollywood director who plead guilty to 5 counts of child sex

The “Clownhouse” and “Jeepers Creepers” movie star, was protested against by angry victims of sexual abuse regarding the film Powder (1995) which was a movie controlled by Buena Vista Films who is solely owned by Disney.

Here are some additional statistics that will blow your mind, and then I will share a few scriptures that do support that Child Abuse is a Sin.

Sexual Abusers fight for the right to attend Church

In an article that I found in the Washington Post addressing sexual abuse and the church, it seems that this is a really important topic nowadays. And with all of the negative press against church parishioners in the varying sects of Christianity, and religion as a whole, I completely understand why they are trying to figure out what to do. After all the bible does say that all should be forgiven. Who are we to judge?

Robbie Potter

Robbie Potter is a registered Sex Offender

93% of child molesters are religious. Of course, I am not surprised. I believe that everything happens from the head down so when priests, Eddie Long, and others are caught for their actions, and then their actions are ignored, the sexual abuse continues. It may not continue outwardly now, but please understand that the bible is very clear about the fact that we sin in our thoughts FIRST.

  • 77% of Sexual Predators are MARRIED!!!!!!
  • 49% of Sexual Predators are College EDUCATED!!!!!!
  • 64% of Sexual Predators are WORKING!!!!!!

So ladies, one and twenty men are sexual predators. We know that there are women predators as well, although the number of women and men are vastly different. Neither should be tolerated at any point in time regardless of any gender, race, etc….

In the study, it says that there is no link between the Social Class or a Predator. Only one study linked sexual abuse to a social class and that class was one the highest social class determined by both money and education. There are links with physical abuse to lower-income and education however not sexual abuse.

Scriptural Support

Child molesters maintain that they target 30% of their victims who are stepchild, foster or adopted child, and 19% biological children; 18% are nieces and nephews. 90% of abusers target family members and those they know well. Did you read this? Read it again. And, there is an alarming 40% of child molesters targeting a friend, or neighbor.

In Leviticus 18 it speaks specifically about Grandparents (v.10), and in the verses of chapter 18 it covers a lot about aunts, in-laws, neighbors, homosexuality, and bestiality. Child Molesters are using the fact that God did not name Child Molestation by their review of the word, that it is okay or natural. I read a website last night of a Child Molester who wrote a book, saying that it should be and will begin to be accepted much like the acknowledgement and progression of homosexuality. His book is about us understanding the relationship between a man and young boys. In verse 29 of chapter 18 in Leviticus, it does say that any abominations committed regarding sexual perversion will result in the person being cut off.

You may also like: The Bible and Child Sexual Abuse II

Do you remember earlier I mentioned my friend who has children who has been sexually abused? She said that she did not want her family to get into trouble. She like many, are afraid of the impact that it will have on the family, not thinking of what it will psychologically do to their own children. In Leviticus 19: 17 it says that you can’t hate your neighbor but you can rebuke him. To rebuke in short means to reprimand. I’m sure I could go deeper but I’ll leave it here and say that when you reprimand, you must first yourself acknowledge that something was done wrong so that it can be dealt with.  As for my friend, I’ll have her to consider Proverbs 27:5 which says that open rebuke is better than secret love. In many families, keep the secret is better than confronting the issue.

James Edward Green Repeat Sexual Offender

James Edward Green Repeat Sexual Offender who raped two fifteen year old boys recently and is charged with ten felonies including kidnapping.

Sarah Tofte of the Human Rights Watch says 25% of all sex offenders re-offend within 15 years.  In Proverbs 27:5, there are a lot of commentary on this. I do not by any means profess to be a theologian however I will give my two cents as follows:

It is better to bring the issue to the surface and rebuke the person than to hide it in secret hate. See, love is no secret, that is the irony of the passage. Remember this is my interpretation, and comments are welcome. GOD is LOVE and he is not a secret; neither is love for us. Love is pure and when you really pay attention to how love operates, it is the exact opposite of fear as scripture supports. If there is a presence of fear, you are not operating in love.

What should be done?

STOP HIDING!!! Stop protecting the predators and protect your child(ren), and your neighbors children, nieces and nephews etc… Unfortunately, I have never ever heard of someone who is a child molester being totally delivered from being one. My point is that this seems to be an issue that the person chooses as a sinful lifestyle, why support it?

Are you still hurting because:

  • Your child was sexually abused?
  • You were sexually or otherwise abused?
  • You experienced abuse from church leaders?
  • You have not been able to overcome abuse?
  • Your spouse was abusive to you or your children?
  • You suspect that someone is being abused?
  • You have lost your children to a pedophile parent?
  • You molested someone and now want to be forgiven?

Please call 202.717.7377 (RESS) I offer a 15 minute consultation to assess how I may help you to overcome life’s challenges. You may contact Ressurrection today!

Ressurrection Graves is a child sexual abuse grooming expert who has authored a petition to make it a felony. She writes, speaks and educates the masses on protecting children and healing as adults from past child sexual abuse.

 

 

About Ressurrection

Ressurrection Graves is a Child Sexual Abuse Grooming Expert and H.E.A.L.E.R. (Healer, Educator, Activist, Life Skills Expert, Empowerment Speaker, Relationship Mentor) Her website reaches readership in 188 countries. She is available for national speaking engagements, radio and television interviews. She can be reached at: 202.717.7377 or send your request to: ressurrection dot wordpress at yahoo dot com or comment on http://www.ressurrection.wordpress.com
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136 Responses to The Bible and Child Sexual Abuse

  1. Learning Mother says:

    As a parent of 2 boys that have been sexually abused I would like to add that not only should you expose the sexual offender but in getting your children help in overcoming the abuse, you should also be teaching them NOT to end up like their sexual offender. BREAK THE CURSE!!! It has been said that most sexual offenders were sexually abused when they were young! So if your child or children have been sexually abused teach them about what’s wrong with it. Teach them what it is & what it means. Teach them early about sex since they’ve already been exposed early. Let them know & understand that they are still pure & precious to you & the Lord Teach them that their body’s still a temple of theLord. Teach them again about loving their neighbors (others) as they love theirselves. Teach them again about good touch bad touch & how old they should be in order to be touched & who is allowed to touch them like that at that appropriate age & who they should NOT be touching like that EVER! This may seem too explicit but if you think about it, they’ve already experienced explicitiveness wayyyyyyyyyyy before their time so there’s really nothing to hide anymore. It’s like finding a lot of money before you are mature enough to use it wisely. If you don’ t address it then they will end up mistreating their bodies & others! BREAK TJE CURSE!!!!!

    • Anon says:

      I must halt you if you will please listen, it is clear that you are doing everything you feel you can for your sons. (I am a women who was raped as a toddler/infant) I would never dream of becoming like the rapist (my father) or even my mother who repeatedly refused to help me in the situation, after the fact. Anyway I have a couple of very important points, the first is you are giving your sons a kind of life phrophesy by being way too alarmed that they may end up like the abusers and that is not fair at their age. (if they are youngish or teenagers – you don’t give their age). Secondly – perhaps it is good to be concerned about this and keep an eye on it yes – but please don’t publically post about ‘breaking the cycle’ specifically without at least giving a whole perspective on the situation. It makes it very shamefull and hurts me and others like me who did not even want anything to do whith such an evil act(s) and were not able to stop it at a very young age – in my case I was able to defend myself when I was about 7 or 8 and stop it happening, but before then had no chance – and went on to continually defend myself into my teenage years
      and as an adult in the hope someone would listen so he would never re-offend.
      There may be statistics on how many offenders were abused themselves – but are there any on all the countless victims who would not harm a fly and were courageous and suffered and did not want any part in vile acts?? There must be others like me
      suffering more unwanted shame on top of being abused because – EVERYWHERE you go on the internet and even tv programmes may suggest at times – there are general statements like yours that actually clearly indicate that the ‘victims’ must pay the price for the abusers by living under the heaviest cloud – that heavy cloud being the suggestion or heavy concern ‘that there could be something wrong with them and that they might abuse’. The mere thought of doing anything to a child or an adult or even abusing a caterpiller is so abhorent to me. I had no support at all from my family – and whilst this may or may not be different to what your boys are going through – please do not assume they are going to be abusers unless you see or have intuition that there is some evidence – (because you don’t say it is hard to define if you have valid reasons for being very concerned). I do sincerely congratulate you from my heart for beginning to educate yourself about abuse as a parent and for looking at ways to help your boys. But I do implore you to please not post about ‘breaking the cycle’ as if everyone that has been abused is under threat of becoming an abuser. I There are ‘victims’ who suffer every time they read this kind of statement somewhere and their heart absolutely sinks – as abuse is not even slightly part of their nature. They belong naturally in a good place and when they are in need of comfort the last thing they need to come accross is another post like yours. Breaking the cycle is more about the cycle within a family that allows abuse to happen – it is not about someone outside the family.someone that pretended to be a ‘friend’ or stranger that abused victims. So if it is mentioned I believe it should be within context and not made to be general as if all ‘victims’ are at risk of abusing.
      In conclusion how on earth can a tiny baby of a child who thinks they are dying and pass out while being abused push off a grown adult or even scream for help (if the abuse is happening in their own enviroment – especially if it happens at night when they are supposed to be sleeping – in my case it happened this way – and I do not know how to continue putting yup with posts that sound like yours, which really demean my nature and of those children that were too young to physically move or fight untill they were older).
      I do sincerely hope that your boys grow up to be strong healthy young men despite whatever they have gone through and I believe if you are determined they will than so they shall. God bless and good luck to you, I hope you and others respect my point of view on this. One blessing from your post is that perhaps it gave me the opportunity to change an opinion or two or the way abuse is discussed and that people might in future consider others feelings and that being abused is not a life sentance. Amen. If you do have genuine concerns – I implore you to give more information if posting on the internet or in public so you can get the support and inspiration you need – and others can see your posts in context – without hurting anyone and adding the the worlds perception that ALL abuse ‘victims’ are at risk of being abusers.

      • With all due respect you are attacking. Please keep comments open and respectful. In the blog it is indicated that 64% reoffend. Is is not off base to educate children to prevent them from becoming abusers. Learning mother expressed what was important for her and who says her children were not raped by a family member? Let’s all be supportive and speak in love.

      • Anon says:

        Hi ressurection, I believe my post was clear and not attacking but reproving which is very different from attacking, it is okay to reprove and it was not done without love. I wish this mother the best for her boys and am quite sure they will get that. Hopefully it was read with an open heart and mind. I’m sorry if it was taken the wrong way. I too am entitled to my comments which are indeed more than open and the most respectfull – but inclusive of the wider picture.. I may be frank but – I feel this is an important issue which needs strong people if people really want the plaque of abuse to end. People/the public do need to understand that it is not okay to generalise and to simply talk about ‘victims’ as future perpitraitors, unless there is grounds for that. That actually facilitates bad publicity and a lot of mis-understanding surrounding the topic of abuse – this hinders faster ways of getting to grips with how to find solutions for it, it promotes a lack of openess from people with experience in the situation who may otherwise be able to help from many angles. The reality is that there are a lot of perpatraitors that go un-punished and these may not have abused, we do not actually know what the statistics are, so it is a very false kind of estimate to use this as a fear card and it clearly isn’t working is it.

        • If you read the blog above, I provided a study for my percentages. I do not offer false information. I am a victor of child sexual abuse and I am not a predator or perpetrator. Why would I or anyone else purposely bring that kind of energy to child sexual abuse awareness and prevention? The fact is that sixty-four percent of abused, become perpetrators. That does not mean that you and I are included in those numbers! What I am saying is that if she chose to ensure that her children are educated so that they do not become abusers, there is nothing wrong with this sentiment. I am not sure of your “fear card” that you speak of but your energy is a bit displaced here. A lot of perpetrators go unpunished because people fear identifying them, and because there are often statute of limitations. In other words, children grow up and in their healing process are ready to talk about it, and legally it is too late to begin a report. For this reason, we should be advocating for the ability to have no statute of limitations. We should be educating child abuse victims so that they do not become abusers. They should know that it is not their fault and they should also know that the behaviors were not okay to repeat either.

          I understand that we are all in different places in our healing which is why I approved your comments but please understand that I am in no way endorsing any of your statements that we should not provide due diligence in teaching abused children not to repeat the actions that have happened to them. There are many dynamics to this argument. Lastly, as for Learning Mother, even you said that her statement was valid if her sons abusers were related. In short, if you read the blog above, you will know that at least ninety percent of perpetrators know their victims. In the post it breaks down the percentages even more. What this means is that it is highly likely that she said she wanted to “Break the Cycle” because the person was related. On this blog,people DO NOT have to share their entire story but they can feel safe to do so if they want to. Just like, you did not give your real name!

          I do NOT endorse your comments to Learning Mother suggesting that she give more information. She and anyone on this blog can share as much or as little about their child sexual abuse situations as they feel lead, and this will remain a safe place. I do wish you the absolute best in your healing. April 2012 is Child Sexual Abuse Awareness, Prevention and Healing Month on our blog. You are more than welcome to stay and check out the positive stories of people who have overcome abuse. Subscribe here: http://www.ressurrection.wordpress.com

      • concerned says:

        Your post was great. Young victims do not have the physical or emotional strength to fight off these unwanted attacks, Breakin the cycle in my point of view means that, there has been many abuser and victims in this family; and by remaining silent is keeping the cycle going. There are many victims that never has become offenders; however they live in shame for the rest of their lives.

        • Perfect comment. I agree that child sexual abuse is often a generational curse and the longer that we choose to be silent and protect pedophiles, the cycle will continue. I hope you stay around and check out other blogs on the issue. Blessings, Ressurrection

    • Just a girl says:

      I agree on breaking the cycle, but most kids don’t tell. I didn’t and I did things I regret in result of my child molestation (which accurred around the age of four). When I was probably seven I did some stuff with my younger brother because I was molested. I can’t believe I did these things. If your child tells you, it is important that you do “break the cycle” because they may not realize the effect it has later in life. I am now thirteen and I totally regret everything, including not telling people about being molested myself. I live with guilt and I don’t want other kids to go through what I do.

      • Thank you for sharing your story. If you need someone to talk to, there are agencies available to help you overcome the pain associated with abuse. If you would like to talk to me, you are more than welcome to call 202.717.7377. When we live with shame and guilt it only corrodes on this inside. It is important to break your silence and to understand that you can heal from both what happened to you and what you’ve done. Bless you, Res

      • Just a girl says:

        Also, my cousin was my offender. I have not told my parents about my molestation because of this. I think he was about thirteen/fourteen when he did it, so I feel like he does not really “deserve” to be imprisoned for it. And I also think he’s kind of been “punished enough” because he now has an artificial leg. I believe he is 23 now… What do you guys think?? Idk… Is it worth it to tell my parents?? I have told my sister and a few friends I really trust…

        • It is absolutely worth telling your parents however there are some things that you should know. How will you respond if they do not believe you? You should tell, but you should prepare your heart for their response. I don’t think he’s been punished at all for molesting you. The cycle will continue in silence. Are you certain that he hasn’t continued offending? Perhaps he was sexually abused by some adult in the family. It is really important that you share this information with your parents. You could always ask them in advance for their understanding. It is something that affects you, and your parents should find someone whom you can talk to in your home town. They can help you to work through your thoughts about this happening to you. You are so brave. Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share in this space. We all join to hug you in gratitude. We also stand with you in your decision to heal and to break your silence, however you have chosen to do so. Peace, Res

          • Just a girl says:

            Well it’s anonymous so yeah… Its easier to share. But thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it. I don’t know if I’m quite ready to tell my parents yet, but I’ll pray about it. Thank you for caring and once again, I really appreciate you taking the time to give me advice. <3

            • I’m very proud of you for coming here and speaking about it. Even though it is anonymous you have take a HUGE step. Some people can’t admit that something horrible has happened to them, so you are on your way in your healing process. I will be praying for you too, that whatever God has for you, you will be blessed with. Have a great day and come back here on contact me anytime. Blessing, Res

            • Julie says:

              @Just, have you forgiven your cousin? Have you talked to him about it? Were you young, or did he think of it as sexual play rather than molestation (he’s wrong either way)? I guess I would talk to him first. He is probably suffering as well, knowing what he did. And then tell your parents — at least your mom. The longer it remains a secret, the more difficult it will be to reveal.

      • Monique says:

        Hi, I was molested by my father when I was 5 until I was 11. I did not tell either. Until I was in my 20 ‘s. fortunately I never touched any one else, but I did get involved in drugs pretty bad and I was very promiscuous.
        I finally found grace in God when I was 27 and I have 3 children of my own. Unfortunately because I lived in abuse for so many years i got involved in a spiritually abusive church for 20 years. In my opinion this is just a different type of abuse and I was the exact kind of person that falls for these things.
        Later, my children, 2 of them, we’re sexually abused by people in the church. You see, unhealthy atmospheres draw unhealthy people.
        After I knew the truth I left immediately and sought help for my family. I’m still married and my children are doing better. I believe one of our best weapons against abuse is knowledge. People need to be taught about negative and unhealthy social atmospheres.
        Society will never realty if its members are not.

        Thank you for your comment. I must implore people that telling is always the best option. If it is to ever be stopped it is the only option.

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  3. Candace says:

    My daughter is 4 years old and she has been sexually molested by her father. However because there isn’t any physical evidence he won’t go to jail and there may be a chance that he might have visitation rights with her. I just don’t understand how they wouldn’t believe a 4 year old saying the stuff that she is saying and just put him into prison. But, so far the case is wide open. He only has a verbal restraining order and I think that it is really messed up. My daughter doesn’t have the capability to make up a lie so detailed. I am really needing some help. Prayer or words from God’s own word to make me maybe feel a little better about the situation. Maybe a wrath when he dies. I don’t care. Anything to make me feel better. I am so sick to my stomach and I just want to see some justice.

    • Anon says:

      Dear Candace, I hope you find your way back to this site if still in need of some hope and help. I was abused around this age or perhaps younger 3 or less. He did not go to jail when I talked as an adult to the poice (prior to this I spent nearly 30 years trying to be heard by my mother and sister and brother without any help). My point of hope is that I have seen the other side of it – and I know that is means so much to your daughters spirit that you have been honest – that you care and love her and what a blessing that she does not have to go through repeated lies for years on end and that you haven’t pretended it didn’t happen – I can not express how much this would of meant to me. As for jail, perhaps do not concentrate on that so much if it is still ongoing – but on ensuring that you always have a restraining order for the rest of you and your childs life and that she knows she is never safe around him, so she does not want to see him when she grows up. If he is not man enough to tell the truth he is not man enough to ever see her period. God does not expect a soft approach there. I am sure God will give you hope – he wants to help you – I know he wanted to help my mother but she would not listen – you clearly will and it is not your fault – he will help you keep asking! :) :)

  4. Candace, I can not thank you enough for your response. I actually thought that I had responded to this sooner. I will stay in prayer about your situation. I encourage you to use your authority in the spirit realm to call protection to your baby, and to ask that anything that is not right in your ex to be exposed. I would make sure to stay in a listening to position as the child gives details but also teach good touch and bad touch. Allow your child to emotionally, and with her own sensibilities make a connection between right and wrong. Teach her about how she should respond when something isn’t right. I HIGHLY encourage you to join me for a session Ten Ways to Safeguard your Child from Sexual Abuse. I teach this and offer tips regarding predators as well. I will leave this tip: Predators are looking for children who are osctracized, abandoned, have low self-esteem, and are vulnerable. Children who are neglected and who are not filled with their parent’s attention and love are attractive opportunities to a predator. So I encourage you to love her and communicate more with her so that she’s open to continue sharing with you. Now that she knows she has your ear, offer light suggestions as I mentioned above. I’m believing God for you and your child. Bless you, Ressurrection

  5. Kathy says:

    Okay, so, I was sexually abused by my dad, and estranged for 38 yrs. In the near future I will see him. I have forgiven him, I know he is remorseful, and has suffered most of his life because of this. He is old now, and so am I. My problem is that I have a friend who doesn’t understand the far reaching affects of incest. She just keeps telling me to pray, and God will take all of this away.
    I don’t think she understands that trust and belief, as well as relationships, are a very real and painful struggle and I think that she thinks that because I struggle, that I don’t believe. I don’t know how to respond to her. Her comments only make me feel more inadequate, and unworthy, like I am “bad” or something, which only makes me struggle more. I want to tell her that if she wants to bring people like me to God, that she has to meet them where they’re at, if she keeps reacting this way, she will only turn them away, because most people who have been abused have a life long battle with the affects. I’m not saying all, just to be clear. Then there is the counselor issue. My counselor is not a “christian counselor”, but she does believe that God sent me to her for help. She is very experienced in this area, as well as with the perpetrators. She has offered up her counselor, because he is a pastor, insinuating that mine is not good enough. I believe some people are given a gift, and mine has this gift. So when someone keeps throwing the Bible in your face, what do you do?

    • I love God but I have found that many times people throw the bible in your face when they are void of answers. The truth is, not everything will have an answer right away, not that you may recognize. I wrote a book of memoir, “Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to Love”, and I’d love for you to get a copy of it. http://www.identitycrisisbook.com or Amazon etc… I talk about similar experiences. I understand your father was incestuous, as was mine. There are emotional aspects of abuse that people who have not had these experiences do not understand. What I do want you to know for certain is that you are LOVE, you are LOVED, you are valuable and the actions of others do not get to determine your destiny. You must forgive but I can’t tell you how or when that should happen. Seek God personally about it if you still have areas to forgive him in. It is not for him, it is for you. In my book I talk about the myths of “Walking in Love” based on what Christians claim that to be. Know this: Walking in Love does not mean being walked on or over. It doesn’t mean that you must accept violation and forgiving someone does not mean that you accept or excuse the offenses.

      This book, and this experience has taught me to get free of people. At some point, we must learn where God stands on the issues of life minus the opinions of christians around us. If you want to keep chatting and you have another comment or question, please feel free to reply. :) I’ll be praying in the meantime. I pray for everyone who leaves comments on this blog or contacts me because of it. Bless you, Res

  6. Michele Lax says:

    I’m struggling very much with this issue. I was molested by biological family members from 4 to 17 then raped three times by one person I knew and another stranger. I feel I deserved what I got. I don’t want to see these people suffer consequences, thus, I refuse to press charges or report. Who is going to believe me anyway? No one cares. Ive attempted suicide; diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder. I’m out of control emotionally. I cut myself and I don’t want to go to church. All my abuse occurred in the church.

    • Michele,

      I appreciate you. Let me say that first. It took a willingness to share your heart to be that transparent in your response.

      I have a few questions, Why don’t you want them to have consequences? I teach “Ten Ways to Safeguard your Child from Sexual Abuse”, and one of the ways are a description of predators. They are looking for YOU! They want to attract children who will trust them, keep the secret and become soul-tied so that they feel wrong if they get them in trouble.

      I will say that I do understand. I didn’t want to tell on the people that have raped me. I didn’t want to be crucified on the stand and have to relive the horror of the experiences. Please know that I am not in anyway condemning you for not saying anything, I just want you to know that telling is a choice that you own.

      Obviously, if you have children you will want to keep them from them. The dangers of NOT telling is that you’ll never know just how many children they have hurt. By telling, you expose their intentions and their hunt which reduces their ability to continue to hurt you mentally, and others.

      As far as your emotions, I completely understand being or even feeling emotionally unbalanced. When you are violated, especially over and over it can take a toll on your psyche.

      Although I have not personally been a victim at church, I have a famous friend who was. I know of people who were by a guy that was freely able to be around all of us children. I get it, I totally get it which is why I want to take my talk into churches to talk prevention and “Ten Ways to Safeguard your Child from Sexual Abuse”.

      Currently, I don’t want to go to church either! I do go visit, and I believe in tithing. If you find a church where the presence of God manifests, it will keep you coming back even if you don’t interact with people. I used to go to church five to six days a week. While Christians often have opinions on how to handle these issues, I explain my philosophy in my memoir, “Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to Love”. There is something powerful about a corporate worship, praise and/or prayer. There is something profound about the word of God when the minister is on assignment to speak from the heart of God just for you. But, I will say this: Go to church as you are lead by your spirit, ask God for protection and where to go. Began to pray about God bringing people into your life that will truly love you the way that GOD sees love. Another way to put it is, the way GOD sees himself. If you get a chance, get a copy of my book, “Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to Love” http://www.identitycrisisbook.com or anywhere online. The book is a memoir and I address some of the very things that I can tell are on your heart. I will be praying for you.

      And listen to me, I CARE! I care. You are welcome to reply but know that I will be praying for your strength, clarity, liberation in the spirit of God and against any tricks of the enemy that would cause you to believe that you should commit suicide or self-mutilation.

      I won’t tell you that someone cares because if you feel they don’t it may be valid. Be proactive in developing relationships that cover you, and support you that are unconditional and tried and true. It may take time but allow God to show himself through the connections you develop from now on.

      Keep talking to me. God Loves you and so do I. I’ll be in prayer.

      Peace,

      Res

      • Michele Lax says:

        Thanks so much. That has been a major factor in my life currently. I have grown into being angry with God. All of these years of being abused by his people and his preachers, while my outcries were being ignored and I lacked love and affection from my parents who carried and preached the Word of God. I have residual resentment. I haven’t found that church that does it for me in terms of healing, worship, and praise. Above all, loves to help and reach out to the brokenhearted and heavy laden, homeless and sick. A church that combines natural and spiritual principles such as implementation of a twelve step program towards recovery and healing. I need that. I yearn for that. We has incest and rape victims become socially marginalized. Afflicted with mental illnesses and psychological disorders. What about us???

        • This is so powerful! I have a friend who suffers from deep depression from a psychological standpoint and while we as African – Americans do believe in the miraculous power, the reality is that God doesn’t always heal miraculously. He often heals through a process. Facing these issues is not an admission or doubt of the healing power of Jesus, rather it is understanding that their are people suffering in silence because the process of healing isn’t as “profound” as the miraculous. We are in a microwave society. The church is not a place without error, because we are human. However, it is a place where amazing experiences can take place corporately. I will be praying about your healing. Believe God… And only God! What things have happened to you are no fault of your own. If you felt lead to, I hope you do get my book, I hope there are some things that I address in depth there that will support you in your healing process, even your mention of the parents. Bless you… Ressurrection

      • Michele Lax says:

        I Will buy your book thanks!

  7. Doris says:

    I have really never looked on a a web site for this because it seems to hurt so much to see. I was abused by my father since I was a little girl until the age of eighteen. Got pregnant and had an abortion, which I am not proud of. I have been in therapy for years and on medication to deal with my issues. I am a believer and know I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me. It never goes away (the pain). No matter how much I try. I have forgiven for me and know that the person has to answer for what he did. It has been hard for me to live my life the way I know God wants me to. I struggle with temptation, not because I am a abuser, because I am not. I would kill someone if I ever knew that they hurt a child, but because I feel like the only way that a man will love me is to have sex. I am married and have a good husband that loves me for who I am, he accepts me, respects me. But I have a real problem with trust, I say I trust him, but do I? You are probably thinking this woman is all over the map, it is because I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, I have add and bipolar. It angers me that all this is because of sexual abuse and we the ones that have been abused have to pay by mental illnesses. Okay I just got angry so I better stop. If you are being abused speak out, don’t keep it in, there is help out there.

    unknown

  8. I recently learned that my sweet son was abused sexually by our ex-pastor… It is the single most devastating news I’ve ever received – my living nightmare as a mother… Pray for my son. Justice be served. God is Good!
    Thank you for your blog…

    • What I appreciate is that you know that God is still good and that the pastor is not God! Never lose your truth for the misrepresentation of it. I am praying for your son, asap. And, I’m praying for you to know how to teach and love him so that he is not scarred by this experience. God is a healer. Remember, God is a healer.

      • You are absolutely correct – and I will pray and fight and crusade until my last breath is gone… i will see that he knows justice for this horrific injustice! I know that God is in control and I know He is healing my sweet son every day… I pray that I will one day be able to forgive this man for the pain he has caused my family, most especially my sweet son.

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  10. Sarah says:

    You know I’m really sick of Perverts / molesters/ abusers, wanting forgiveness…. for molesting a 3 year old child, a 4 year old child, a 12 year old child. I realize forgiveness is devine, but lets face facts, most molesters have NO DESIRE to change, but only be “forgiven” by victims to go on an molest again and again. I mean really? Do you think God would allow this in Heaven? The bible plainly states we should do on earth as in Heaven. Jesus also states “if it’s done to the least of these (children) then it’s been unto me” I believe if more molesters were put to death, then there would be many LESS molesters because these sick demon influenced people would think twice and twice again, about molesting a child. Children are precious, God given gifts, to be loved and protected, NOT molested and used and abused by some perverted sicko without any moral values. It’s truth that many molesters are “religious”………however we seem to forget that often religion has nothing to do with God and Love. I know of a family that has a brother in law that has molested over and over and probably will do it again, yet the family “keeps his secrets, along with the secrets of an older sister (his wife) that repeatedly molested two little girls (now grown women) when they were 2/3, 4/5, yrs. old. The older sister sexually molested the two younger sister when they were little girls and then her husband molested them as young teenagers. This sicko bastard also molested his adopted daughter (his wife’s biological child) but all this has been swept under the rug to “keep peace in the family”…. ???????????? Why should be victims hide their molesters SINS, he’s still controlling their lives this way…. And the worse of it is he / nor she has changed but NOW has small grandchildren…. a darling little 1 1/2 yr. old. She (the older sister) throws her little grand daughter up in her husbands face nearly, to change her diaper on their grand baby…. he stares at the little girl, (his biological grand baby) while the wife changes her. This cycle, and habbit MUST BE BROKEN and not allowed to go another generation. This couple has sat on a chuch pew nearly every Sunday for 30 years, he’s even been a deacon…YET he molest…over and over again…. So as I stated earlier a molester being “religious” has nothing to do with one being Godly, or love filled. I’m really angry. If people knew what this guy and his wife have done, their reputation would be ruined, and I believe rightfully so.

  11. Sarah says:

    Leviticus 20:15-16 ESV

    If a man lies with an animal, he shall surely be put to death, and you shall kill the animal. If a woman approaches any animal and lies with it, you shall kill the woman and the animal; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.

    Leviticus 20:12 ESV

    If a man lies with his daughter-in-law, both of them shall surely be put to death; they have committed perversion; their blood is upon them.

    Leviticus 20:11 ESV / 2 helpful votes

    If a man lies with his father’s wife, he has uncovered his father’s nakedness; both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.

    This does not mean the child should be put to death……… but it does state the “man” or “offender” should be……..

  12. Sarah says:

    “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea” (Matthew 18:10, King James Version). The word “offend” in the Greek means “to cause one to stumble, to put a stumbling block or impediment in the way, upon which another may trip and fall, to entice to sin, to cause a person to begin to distrust and desert one whom he ought to trust and obey, to cause to fall away, to cause one displeasure at a thing, or to make indignant.

  13. Louisa says:

    My mother married a Christian man when I was around 10 years old. I didn’t really want a new dad. He was inappropriate in his touch and words. As a daughter who rebelled against him, I didn’t say anything to my mom because I didn’t think she would believe me. My younger sister welcomed him with open arms having been mostly rejected by our natural father and she didn’t share my feelings about our stepdad. I watched him very closely with my own daughters as they were growing up, still feeling that he was “creepy”. My college age daughter just recently shared with me that my stepdad had touched her inappropriatelly as a child. She said she never said anything before because she thought it was her fault or that I had known. I quickly set her straight on both accounts, but it broke my heart! Where he had just attempted to touch my breasts as I was developing, she stated that he actually had his hand in her panties. From what I can tell, he didn’t perform any sexual acts other than fondling – still enough to traumatize her and devastate me! And it happened to her at an earlier age. I came in to find her on his lap one evening and told her to get off, that she was too old (probably about 9). She said it never happened again after that. Evidently, it also happened to my younger daughter. We won’t actually talk to her until after her college finals are over and she is home. I did confront my mother who didn’t want to call us liars but who also didn’t want to believe it to be true. She confronted my stepdad who actually admitted inappropriate behavior towards me and my two daughters. He says that it is all – it didn’t happen with anyone else. I feel so guilty for not being able to protect my girls, grateful for it to be out in the open, but confused as to what forgiveness is supposed to look like. I’m so angry with him!!!! My daughter seems to have a better handle on it. She says she has had 10 years to sort of process this and deal with having him in her life. I am trying to keep it together for her sake – I don’t want to add to her burden in any way, but I’m really struggling! It is new to me! My mother is ready for us all to forgive him right now, but I talked to my pastor and he says that it needs to be on our timetable, not his. He encouraged us to process our forgiveness in our own time but cautioned us to guard against bitterness. He has been very supportive, but he can’t really tell me what forgiveness needs to look like in this situation. My husband is ready to write this man out of our lives – and I would like to as well! But I feel for my mother who is disappointed and hurt as well. We live close. My stepdad wants to get together with us all and express his remorse and apologize. He says it has been eating at him for years. He was even willing for us to press charges if we wanted to, says he deserves it. He is in his 80’s. We aren’t looking to put him in jail – but we really don’t want to continue a relationship with him. I find myself wishing that he would just die. We want to protect our girls from any further humiliation which would arise from just being in the same room together now that the secret is no longer a secret – especially our younger daughter who is so private. My mother says forgiveness has to happen face to face. My anger might be righteous, but I’m not sure that in his presence I would be very godly right now! I feel numb inside. I know God desires forgiveness but I’m not ready to yet. I know I really can’t begin the processing until we’ve talked to our other daughter. I can’t even predict her response. And then I panic a bit when I realize that maybe God won’t hear any of my prayers on behalf of my children, that maybe I am totally alienated from God until I can forgive (Matt. 6:14-15). I haven’t spoken to my mother since this came out. I have to call and tell her that we won’t be celebrating Christmas with them this year – at least not with him around. All this to say, I just wonder in a Christian family what forgiveness is supposed to look like. Does there have to be any restoration of relationship with him?

    • Louisa, first I want to thank you for sharing. Secondly, WOW! You have no problem with clear communication, which puts you at an advantage. You are able to put things into perspective quickly. So, I’m going to be honest and straight-forward with you. As far as Christians’ attitude toward forgiveness, it is. It doesn’t change per the situation or depth of the incident or pain. We are to forgive regardless of what injustice may have occurred.

      Now, that doesn’t mean that it will happen tomorrow. It doesn’t mean that it should either. I believe that our relationships with God are very intimate and if I were to advise you at all, I would highly encourage you to take it to your Father (GOD), and present your truth (that you don’t want to forgive or that it is hard to forgive) and allow him to take you through the process that will bring you back to love.

      Before you do all this, I would go back through some of your girlfriends that used to come over your house, and ask your children to do the same. They should ask if any of them were fondled or put in uncomfortable situations that they weren’t told about. He’s in his eighties now but he wasn’t when he committed these acts.

      People don’t wake up one morning and start touching children. Unfortunately with 77 percent of predators being married, women don’t always know what kind of man they are marrying because they don’t think to observe them around children.

      If you want my honest opinion, his response sounds like one of a predator. That is why I said, go back through your friends. I wonder if he worked near children as a teacher, coach etc…

      Finding out the truth is a part of your process too. Remember not to condemn yourself for your feelings of anger. There is no sin about anger. We can be angry, God just asks that we do not sin as a result of it. So be angry, seek justice!

      Predators choose relationships that are connected because they know you will not go to the police. They know that you will feel overwhelmed by emotions and, they know that most people keep it hush so family will be “protected”. As you can see, family is not protected by silence.

      I want to encourage you and your daughters to handle this is your own ways but be there to support one another as necessary. Of course you should separate yourself, and I wouldn’t put pressure on your mom to make him not attend Christmas. Your absence will be enough for her.

      Your husband will have his own healing process as well because he is the man, and is the protector. He may feel that he did not protect his daughters from this hurt, and may have feelings that wishes he could protect you. Now that it is out in the open, I think it’s important to allow each person the grieve in their own way, but remain a supportive unit together.

      One last thing, at this point, if you’re going to the police, it is only to expose his behaviors and find more victims. He is in his eighties. The truth is, he went his whole life able to embody the position of a predator. If it is in your heart to press charges, do it! But I wouldn’t talk to him anymore. Predators are master manipulators! Make decisions based on what is in your heart. Just my thoughts!

      I’ll be praying for you and your family!

      Peace,

      Ressurrection

      • Louisa says:

        Thanks for your thoughts and insight. You are the only one I know (besides my daughters now) who has directly dealt with this type of situation. Your encouragement to forgive tempered with caution against further manipulation helps a lot. I will speak with my mother with a little more assuredness now. I will continue to wrestle through this with God – His word and journaling my thoughts. Seems like the anger has so many layers! I didn’t want to face my stepdad, but I hadn’t thought about his words as manipulation. I will prayerfully consider approaching others. I have talked with my sister since she also has a daughter. It doesn’t help to feel that my daughters and me were the only ones targeted – feels so much more personal. We weren’t allowed to have friends over as I was growing up – too much noise! But my husband also believes that there are other victims, regardless of a limited confession by my stepdad. God bless you for giving women a place to seek advice, share their stories and learn from each other. In spite of my deep sadness and anger, He used you to bless me today.

    • d says:

      Louisa,
      I recently faced something similar, but by myself. My grandfather molested me when I was 11/12 and I didn’t say or do anything about it for more than 10 years. I finally decided that I didn’t want to have to keep seeing him all the time. I was sick of pretending. I still didn’t want to hurt my family though, so I tried to do it on my own and just told him that I didn’t want to see him again. Unfortunately, this didn’t work because he called my parents crying and tried to come to our house. At first he was denying it then he said he didn’t remember anything then he said that I was right. He said all of this to my father downstairs, while I reluctantly told my mother upstairs. He begged to apologize to me in person and I said I didn’t want to. I was finally experiencing some closure after all that time and I wasn’t going to keep making myself uncomfortable for his sake. My dad cried asking me to please go and forgive him in person.

      That’s what ended up hurting the worst. That my family thinks I’m in the wrong for not wanting to see him again. They mean well and they love me, but they didn’t understand why I had waited so long and implied that it didn’t count as much because of that. They wanted us all to go back to normal and not break up our close-knit family. They didn’t tell my grandmother for weeks, but when they did she said she forgave him very soon after.

      I still haven’t seen him since and it’s been a little over a year. Unfortunately, I also haven’t seen my grandmother. But, the part that hurts the worst is that my family still sees them all the time and it’s just a toss up to whether I’m not invited or he’s not invited.

      Maybe it was already starting before, but since all of this I’ve really lost my faith in religion. My family resents me for not forgiving in the way that they think is forgiveness. I don’t want to be a part of something that makes it a sin for me not to want to face the man who molested me and simultaneously makes it the “right thing” to do for my parents to hang out with the man who molested their daughter.

      I kept it a secret for so many years because I thought it would break my family apart, but I didn’t realize that this would be the way it was split up. Their love seems tainted when I know that they see me as being at fault.

      As terrible as it sounds, it’s actually a gift to your daughters that they have a mother who understands and I am so, so, incredibly sorry that it had to be from personal experience. Maintain that each of your situations has given you each your own pain and it shouldn’t be lumped into one. But, work together and really appreciate the fact that you have unconditional support within each other. It’s truly a blessing and will probably be the thing that helps you heal the most.

      I wish the best for you and your daughters and your whole family. You are strong enough. Your lives are not defined by this. Believe that you will one day be happy again, and you will be.

      • D,

        Thank you for supporting Louisa with your comment. I know that I do not know you, however, I am so proud of your willingness to confront your Grandfather.

        Unfortunately, families make their own choices and sometimes they do pick sides. My brother does that, and it’s very troubling at times. Actually all of my siblings do that. But I digress.

        Your family needs time to heal in their own way. In some place within them they are probably feeling confused about betrayal. When you totally let your guard down and allow someone in to hold a certain place of admiration in your life, it is hard to find out that they have betrayed that trust. It doesn’t mean that there actions will change, and it doesn’t mean that any ONE is right or wrong.

        The thing that is important for you to know is that you did the right thing, and you are never wrong for being a victim/victor of abuse.

        I encourage you to stand your ground. You may have to change your expectations about how they are supposed to respond and also think about who they are. Sometimes that too can be difficult. Maya Angelou says something very powerful, “When people show you who they are, believe them.”

        Just know that you have made the right choices for you and while the thought of your family not being perfect may affect them one way, keeping silent would have done you no justice at all.

        As far as your “religious” beliefs, I’m a little confused. Your parents are not “right” because of how they choose to handle this, and you are not “wrong”. Forgiveness IS for you however, it takes time.

        Many Christians hide behind the guise of “forgiveness” as a way to not deal with their real emotions whether anger, fear, etc… You should forgive him because you do not want bitterness to take root but allow that to be between you and God in your own prayers. He will work that out with you. You can’t control anyone else’s reasoning truth or lie! This is totally about you. I encourage you not to focus on them at all. This must be your own journey to Love, and prayerfully one day things will improve.

        Also, I wrote a blog entitled My Letter to my Younger Self, and I’d Love for you to read it.

        http://ressurrection.wordpress.com/2011/12/07/my-letter-to-my-younger-self/

        Continue to BE. Extraordinary,

        Ressurrection
        http://www.facebook.com/ressurrectiongraves

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  23. just a point says:

    I respect all information on this website. But due to false information please check that your judgements are correct before posting. I am not saying any judgement are or are not correct. It’s just i strongly believe and have been proven to that most sexual abusers are not those who have been sexually abused themselves. Most sexually abused people as you call them are up there fighting against sexual abuse. Why shall we conflict the pain and torture of the abuse we endured ourselves onto another living soul let alone a child. And as a child ourselves at the time we are dont dumb. We know its wrong we dont need taught that its wrong. Unless you have been abused yourself please dont just assume. What proof have you to make them judgments. But by fear. This is not a curse like some werewolf program those who are bitten are immediately of that of evil. I know my self and for all my friends who have been abused we certainly tend to help put a stop to abuse or atleast help those who have been through it. :)

  24. just a point says:

    as an example of us knowing how wrong it is without any gory detail ofcourse. It was forced, unwanted, dirty, wrong it just feels wrong, there maybe was force, power, dominance, control advantage, fear, betrayal if its a love one, trust usually broken,- point being so much a kid would feel. They are much smarter than you think. So most times it is an unpleasant, unwanted, not a nice feeling. So a negative feeling is placed in their head when it comes to anything remotely sexual thereafter. What proof have you that this will drive them to act out thinking this is right or acceptable then:) x

    • I do appreciate your comments. However, I’m not sure that you read the entire blog. I am a child sexual abuse survivor and victor, and all of the percentages introduced in this blog came from a study. The link to the study is also in this blog, I did site the name. There are a number of child sexual abusers who were abused. That does not mean that you or I are abusers, it just means that there are a number of the abused population who become predators. There is usually a deep psychological illness resulting their own abuse.

  25. David says:

    Ok I realize that I am not in the apparent target audience for this blog since I am a guy. However that having been said, please hear me out.
    I was molested starting when I was about 3 by my mom’s girlfriend. The abuse continued after we moved away with an aunt and a couple of my uncles who we lived with for a while. When I was 4 I tried telling my mom what was going on but my grandma who was standing there told me I was lying and because my mom was on drugs she doesn’t even remember me saying anything.
    The abuse continued till I was 8 by which time it had gone on for so long that it was normal, then stopped leaving me feeling like I was unwanted and undesirable. I have only in the last week or so begun trying to deal with what happened to me. I am so angry about the whole thing I can’t begin to imagine how to even go about trying to forgive them or heal from all this. I have confronted one of the uncles and he doesn’t remember anything like that ever happening and can’t imagine that he would do such a thing. As a result of my refusal to be quiet about this any longer I have been told that I am not welcome at the family Christmas party this year.
    I feel like I am being ostracized because they think it was somehow my fault that I was abused in the first place. The whole thing makes me want to go to the family gathering and scream out details of what happened to me so that they cannot ignore it anymore. How do I let go of this? How is it possible that God would even expect me to forgive them for doing this to me?
    I have let the abuse define who I am for so long that I don’t really know who I am if I let go of it.

    • I am standing with you in your journey. The blog is about Child Sexual Abuse. Predators have different preferences. I do appreciate your concern and I will do some research, and write a little more detail about women child sexual predators.

      I’m honored that you felt the love and support here to share your story. As I’ve mentioned in previous comments, forgiveness is not for the perpetrator, it is for you.

      Forgiveness does not make them able to abuse you again, and it doesn’t give them a pass, it simply frees you so that you can take hold of your life, and start living.

      You are speaking out on a subject that makes your family very uncomfortable, but that is not your problem. Your suffering in silence is uncomfortable too, among other feelings.

      Healing takes place in different ways for people. I encourage you to write it all down, for you.

      One thing we know is that we can not change others. Your family may choose not to acknowledge what has happened to you, and this situation may change your views of each other.

      You may feel abandoned, ostracized, exiled, and mistreated from your family. It may get worse before it gets better, or this may be your journey to a new life.

      You should do whatever helps you to feel that the injustices that happened to you are revealed and that you’re not muted anymore.

      I’m supporting you, praying for you and welcoming you on your journey to Love.
      You have inspired me to write. All of the comments on this blog has. I think that families should know how to respond if someone comes to them- or anyone comes to them with their story of abuse. Please feel free to subscribe. I am an overcomer of abuse and people have found my book to be inspiring and helpful in their own journey. You can buy it at: http://www.identitycrisisbook.com

      Lastly, congratulations! It is my purpose to speak out about child sexual abuse so that others have a platform to begin their healing.

      Peace

      Ressurrection

    • I know from my childhood that forgiveness is really for the victims’ peace.
      When I was 4, mother broke mentally from my parents split but remember I was four years old. The man she married molested me and when I was 8, I told my foster sister Suzie, when she asked me because he tried her but she was 15 and had been through it before. So she helped me tell my mother. My world imploded! My mother who had become increasingly abusive even to the point of breaking my bones and cracking my head open. My foster sister was sent away and I was punished ( you’ve seen Cinderella – This was far far worse)…beating ,starving, locking me in closets. and sent in to my stepfather and was accused of destroying their happy home and no longer allowed to be a part of the family but they tried to convince me that I was supposed to have sex with them …yes them, even quoting scripture. Well I was not having none of it Suzie said it wasn’t normal! I didn’t go along willingly. I fought and thus I was broken (worse than beaten) and tortured but still I said NO and refused to cooperate. He started beating her and wanted my brother and little sister, which mother refused and she then turned evidence in on him as long as my grandfather took care of her. My mother stated in front of my grandparents that she hated me and that she wished I was dead…I was 9. Later after we moved away from my grandparents , my mother met a biker and then the nightmare started again But at 16 I escaped though my little half brother and sister begged me to take them with me, I knew that without me their life would be fine -(my full little sister told me it was when I was brought back home after I had run away). Years go by on my own and life begins again. My Grandparents do what they can, I warn my aunt not to tell my mother where I am at or else she would have to be more afraid of me than my mother. I go through other struggles with my mother to keep her from me and my children… years pass, life leads me far away and I have raised my children and we are good people , not perfect but we do believe in God and Jesus truly and don’t hurt children.
      Now my half sister tells me that her mother is dying would I like to be mentioned…No…but not because I don’t feel for her as a my sisters mother or as a human being….I tried to tell my sister gently and I thought I had made that peace with my sister when she was sixteen. MY half sister writes me…
      Hi (My Name),
      It is good to hear from you. I miss you too. I understand what you are saying about Mom. However, she is different now, and I wouldn’t have her around if she wasn’t. But also,
      The Bible says at 1 Timothy 5:4 : 4 But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let these learn first to practice godly devotion in their own household and to keep paying a due compensation to their parents and grandparents, for this is acceptable in God’s sight.
      And at Ephesians 6:2
      2 “Honor your father and [your] mother”; which is the first command with a promise:
      It says to take care of our parents and honor them whether they were good or bad parents. Anyway, we just thought you should have the opportunity to know what is going on, it is not my place to keep anything like that from any of you all. She is declining faster than we thought she would, so we are prepared for the end to come soon. Maybe within a few weeks. I hope we do get to see you soon. My little girl is 10 and she needs more family around. She lost her daddy and an uncle in 2011. Well, much love from Kentucky.
      “I didn’t expect to go through this again with her and frankly I am now trying not to be angry”.
      Dear Sister,
      If that woman is indeed my mother…then why isn’t she begging for my forgiveness for the horror she forced and promoted to be forced on me, also forcing the rest of you to witness and be a party to…oh yeah she made you all act like she wanted…
      do you remember one of the final nights when I was 16 right before I left….you were waiting in the dark hallway for me to come out of the bathroom, you didn’t want them to know you were up…I had just been broken really bad by them and couldn’t talk, both eyes closed, my jaw, nose, collarbone (found out later) broken, several ribs cracked, throat swelled from strangulation….you just took my hand and lead me to your room. My little half brother whispered…asking if I was okay… you whispered that you had checked on my baby and she was sleeping and that I would be safe sleeping with you….that broke my heart even more. You were a little girl of 8 trying to protect me…
      Why do you now act like my pain from her didn’t hurt me or scar me….Why do you stand up for the child abuser and say oh it’s all better now – they’ve changed????? If she had succeeded in killing me, would I be any less dead when she became a changed person????? Sister, they quoted scripture too….not just once but many times…to a little girl!!!! God hates abusers of his word!!!!! God really hates abusers of children and especially child molesters and refers to them as jackals…Forgiveness by us to them is only to keep ourselves from becoming the monsters that they are…that they are contaminated and infectious…the only way to insure that we don’t carry the same contamination or allow the infection to grow within us and further spread it, is to reach a level of forgiveness that we are able to let go of the pain enough so we are not trapped and eroded by it….NOT to absolve them of their blood thirsty perversions….they will be brought forth before God. And you know what Lynda, I did it!!!! I stopped the cycle of pain and madness. I did it by myself – with God’s love, when no one else would or could love me! After I managed to move past the betrayal of my parents – I forgave my mother for her weakness and for dying and leaving me with the monster in her place. That inhuman monster could not have been my mother. Have you ever seen the face of a being in the height of their passion to give pain…they literally do not look human. They look subhuman!
      Don’t ever quote scripture to an abused person! Especially one that is loved by God. Oh yeah look up sometime what God thinks of people who hide and protect the monsters and get ready for a real mindful! You cannot pick and choose which parts of the word of God you want to pay attention to and convince God that you are really following his word…
      Why should I as an adult abused child even consider for one moment the feelings of my abuser who never even acknowledged that they abused me?
      I really wish that the people surrounding the abuser and the abused child would actually stand up for the child and not the abuser but then the abuser could hurt them too, the child can’t fight back so the people have nothing to fear from the child…”Eureka, I got it” I finally understand! The surrounding people are Cowards! Hiding behind Gods words…They can’t really even say they truly believe in God’s word or else wouldn’t they find the strength and power to stand up to the abuser? Talk to the abuser? The abuser didn’t just talk – they made the conscious effort to act out their abuse!!! They even planned it, helped create and waited for the opportunity to strike their abuse on their victim!!! I mean really, can’t my sister see and understand???!!!! She was there!!!!
      Of course she does but she is just a little girl in her mind and doesn’t want to disturb the mother she knows and loves. That would be like admitting that you love a demon.

      • It is very interesting that you would write this, and that this is the first thing that I would wake up and read. I have written several other blogs that I believe you would benefit from. One is a letter to my Mother, another is about Victim Blaming. But there are two blogs that are going to be released next week that examine some of what you’ve mentioned in your writing here. I am happy for you that you stopped the pain and cycle of abuse. And I am so happy that you exercised your right to say NO to relationships that you found abusive and out of God’s will for your life. I just want to point out that you can honor your parents without being connected to them. You can honor anyone but choose to disconnect from the emotional or sexual abuse that the relationship is overwhelmed by. I would really like for you to check out some other blogs here, and leave comments as you would like. On the right side of the page you can subscribe. Also, on the right, if you scroll down, you can click on blogs by the month.

        Thank you for sharing and your sister may not understand. She may not ever be in the same place as you at the same time. Our responsibility is to love but you do not have to be subjected. Have a beautiful day!

  26. Pingback: Who are Child Sexual Abuse Predators? | The Official BLOG site of Ressurrection Graves

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  31. rosemary says:

    hey my name is rosemary & im 16 years old. i was was on a video cht website messing with people and playing around, when i cam across a little girl. she looked to be around 3 to 4 years old. she was naked and had her legs open then i seen a man, he had is privte part on hers! she was humping her but it wasnt “in” her. he then turned her around and started putting his private part all over her butt, and the thing that shoked me the moste…he made her suck his private part! he told me if i show him my boobs he would stop the abuse. i was scared for her and didnt know what to do. i didnt show him so he disconnected the video. i feel as if iv done something wrong. but my main question is. you know how god knows everything, the future included. when since he knows everybodys future, why would he make men & wemon who molest children? he knew there future and knew what they were going to do, so why would he make someone who would hurt his inoccent creation? i need answers please!

    • Rosemary,

      What a beautiful name! Rosemary is one of my favorite spices/herbs to cook with. Let me first say that I am so heartbroken that you were exposed to this kind of demonic activity.

      There are several things that I find extremely alarming in this situation. The first is that you are sixteen and you were on a web chat website where predators often look for you. The reason adults are so serious about parental controls and teaching our youth not to go to unsecured websites is that you can be harmed. This was very traumatic for me to read so I know that it was traumatic for you to see.

      Please know that the child that you saw is in danger if she is still alive. I want you to try to remember the date and time exactly that you saw this happen without fear of getting into trouble. I also want you to write down what you saw. Were there any features about him that stood out? Was he white, black, muscular, fat, skinny etc… What about the child?

      This child may not be his and is likely to be a child who has been abducted by the predator.

      It is NOT ever your fault when someone else puts responsibility on you for their actions. You did not have to entertain him, and I’m glad that you did not. But, truthfully we don’t know what has happened to the girl when he cut the cameras off. I am fearful that she was raped.

      So, thank you for being outspoken and seeking help. I would be honest with your parents even if you feel that you’ll get into trouble. Then, ask them to support you in making a report with the police AND the Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

      It is my hope that I’ll gain an alliance with federal authorities who work to find abducted children, and who have a passion for catching predators so that should anything like this be reported to me, I have a direct contact.

      You did the right thing by sharing. I will also be praying about this. As far as God, there is also a devil. We have power and authority while the devil only has power. We have what’s called, “Free Will”. Free will is the opportunity that God gives us to choose him. We not only get to choose God, we get to choose how we live and move and have our being. We get to make good or bad choices. We are not robots. God gives us the freedom to choose life or death, and to make all of the decisions that lie between. It is not right that predators are free, and that is why it was so important for you to stand up and speak out! I am so proud of you.

      Please feel free to reach out to me with further questions. I will continue to write blogs that answer tough questions. And I hope that you are aware that God loves you, he is with you, and he protects you.

      Keep believing,

      Ressurrection

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  42. Kelly says:

    I was abused from a very young age and i have lost my faith. Why? Is my biggest question. It continues to affect me in a very big way. I suffer from a lot of metal health problems and I can’t find the light. I can’t heal.

    • That is the purpose of this site. Please join the email list, and connect with me. I was too, and there is healing, I promise. I hope that I can be a light bearer in some way that would help you to regain your faith. I understand how you may feel although our experiences may not be exactly the same. I am praying for your healing and your strength to be renewed. Please feel free to check out the other blogs too because I address a number of things concerning emotional and child sexual abuse. I hope that I answer a few questions that may help you and others. If you want to present a question or blog topic for me to write about, please let me know as well. You can subscribe by entering your information to the right of this page. Thanks Res

    • Hey Kelly, Just checking on you. :) If you have not subscribed yet, please do! Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month is coming up in April, and I would love for you to read some of the stories about people who have overcome child sexual abuse! Also, regarding your faith, there is a blog entitled Leviticus 18: How Christians Should Handle Child Sexual Abuse, I would love for you to read it, and share it if it supports your healing. Bless you, Ressurrection http://ressurrection.wordpress.com/2012/02/18/leviticus-18-how-christians-should-handle-child-sexual-abuse/

  43. Pingback: Women and Child Sexual Abuse | Love, Life, and Relationships: Overcoming Emotional and Child Sexual Abuse

  44. Pingback: Can a Registered Sex Offender Preach? | Love, Life, and Relationships: Overcoming Emotional and Child Sexual Abuse

  45. Pingback: Leviticus 18: How Christians Should Handle Child Sexual Abuse | Love, Life, and Relationships: Overcoming Emotional and Child Sexual Abuse

  46. Julie says:

    Hi Ressurrection,
    Thank you for this blog. All I can say is WOW!!! I didn’t know the statistics about sex abusers and religion until I was searching for “why do child molesters hid behind God”.
    I am the mother of two grown children. I have a daughter that will be 25 and a son 20.
    I found out in 05 that my daughter was sexually molested and raped by my ex boy friend!! We had broke up almost a year prior to her telling me this, actually, it was her brother that told me! I spoke with her and basically pulled it out of her! I was devastated!! She was 19, I took her that day to the sexual assault response center and had her talk with a counselor and we started criminal action!! I remember when she was 10 and I think again when she was 11, I looked at her point blank and asked, is he saying or doing anything to hurt you?? She said no mom!!! I believed her!! He was a strange guy, kept talking about his sister and how he had to take care of her, he could quote the bible, and read it all the time. I thought he was socially inept. The reason he even was there was I just couldn’t make ends meet, I was a practicing alcoholic although I didn’t drink a lot or around my children, the mental defects were there ( I am in recovery 7 yrs) I believe it was the “fear of economic insecurity” that kept me there. Anyway, we were together 10 yrs! I truly believed that if my children were hurting that could have come to me and that ******* would have been gone!! I’m afraid that I would have come unglued and he definitely would have been hurt. I am a physically and mentally strong woman, I was in the military for 15 yrs!I don’t take crap from anyone, especially men, they do not scare me!! Anyway, he was extradited from NY (we lived in WA when it happened) we had moved to WY in 06. We finally went to court in 07 and he walked!!! The DA said it was because my daughter couldn’t remember dates and times!!! How is a traumatized child supposed to remember what happened to her from 8- 17??? I had prayed to GOD everyday since the day I found out that HIS justice be done! That this man pay for hurting my daughter!! After he got off, I dismissed God, I believed he would save us and he didn’t!!!I couldn’t understand how he could let someone hurt his children! I cried and sobbed for months, years!! I had gone to counselors a few times who said it wasn’t my fault!! All I keep thinking is if I hadn’t let him near my kids they wouldn’t have been hurt, so it IS my fault!!! Fast forward to 08 when we got back to WY, my son started acting weird, he started using alcohol and drugs, I had been in recovery for 3 yrs, he knew how I felt and we grew increasingly apart. I was downsized in 09 and moved back to WA, my son was 18 and decided to stay in WY with his sister. He got in more and more trouble! He ended up in a prison boot camp, then they sent him to treatment. He called me from there about a month and ahalf after he got there and said, mom are you sitting down? I said yes…. he said “MY SISTER WASN’T THE ONLY ONE” !!!
    i said WHAT??? So, the nightmare began again!!!! I went to his graduation from treatment, and he told me that he was molested and raped from 6 – 10!!!! My daughter hadn’t known either!!! So, this man didn’t discriminate on gender either!!! My son felt he should have spoke up at the trial and when he didn’t he couldn’t live with himself, he was molested at 16 by someone he knew outside the family too!! The anger and guilt I feel for letting this miserable piece of DS near my children is overwhelming!! I want this man to pay for what he’s done!!! I don’t want other children to be hurt by him!! OH, and two months ago, my sister told me he was trying to friend her and my parents on FB!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!! It’s like this huge night mare that I can’t extract myself from!! How does he think God doesn’t know or care what he has done?? Who else has been hurt?? He has two sons, did he hurt them too??? I feel like putting an ad in his local paper and telling everyone to watch out for him!! Try to warn those around him, since our justice system failed us!!! There seems no justice for our kids!! My son is doing well, I know the addictions and prison was a symptom of what happened to him. I told him, this does not define you!!! You are a good man!! Don’t let this PS drag you down or hold you back from being a great man, I know deep down you are!! My daughter says she’s fine, I don’t know, she still has nightmares, although she says there is a lot she doesn’t remember. She hasn’t slept well in years, I have tried to get her to go to counseling, not sure that she will do that!! I have very slowly made my way back to GOD, still praying that justice will be done. I just feel he shouldn’t be walking on this earth, that anyone that would do this to a child, God should smote!!! I know that our time isn’t God’s time, but, as a mother, my heart aches for the lost innocence, the wreckage of thier youth!! I regret the hours I spent working over time and going to college to “get ahead” while this PS monster was hurting my children!!! I still see a counselor, but, my heart aches, and I can’t let go of the pain, sorrow and anger!! I CAN NOT FORGIVE !!!! Nor will I EVER FORGET!!!! Just know that had for one split second I had known this was going on, this man would have been in a world of hurt!! And I probably would have been in jail! It is hard for me to imagine a mother, father, grandparents, NOT believing their children!! A child can’t make this up!!! They wouldn’t even know how to begin to make this up!!! I am very sad that my children didn’t trust me enough to tell me, that they thought I couldn’t save them!! My daughter said, he told her he would kill me and her brother and grandparents, I told her REALLY? Do you think that cowardly PS would be able to do it?? she said no, but, I know as a little girl he must have scared her bad!!
    I am sorry this is so long, I just want other parents out there to know, your kids aren’t lying!! Do something about it!!! Don’t let these evil Satan driven monsters hurt your children!!!
    Thank you for your blog, it is eye opening, disturbing and painful to read, but, I know there are many who need to know, many who need to heal. I personally don’t know how to do that right now, I know I don’t have to drink over this, but, I just don’t know how to stop hurting!!
    Anyway, thank you
    God Bless you!!
    JM

    • Julie, How are you? Are you receiving any emails about the blog? Would love for you to subscribe. April is Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month and we are going to sharing profiles of people who have overcome abuse. Thank you so much for your detailed comment. It is very supportive. Here is another blog as well. http://ressurrection.wordpress.com/2012/02/18/leviticus-18-how-christians-should-handle-child-sexual-abuse/ I hope all is well. Bless you, Ressurrection

    • Sun says:

      Julie, I too have suffered sexual abuse from many of my mother’s boyfriends. I’ve wondered about the same things. How can these people walk, where is the justice? What about my childhood? Something that brings me a little comfort is to these questions is knowing of course that God is always there to take care of us and he has the best plan in mind. I know from a little research That most offenders don’t even make it to trial and the ones that do don’t get prosecuted so as a result they walk, but I wonder if God’s plan is to not give them the easy way out. Maybe jail is not enough of a punishment for them, maybe there’s a more deserving one waiting for them in the afterlife.. Hell. Not to sound spiteful but I wanted a lot of my abusers to go to jail and get taught a lesson from the other prisoners since sexual predators are on the bottom toll there, but then it occurred to me that Hell would be worse and eternal. There is no second chances there, no way of getting back its too late where as prison gives you a lot of time to think and maybe repent (which would be rare for sexual predators). Maybe their not given that time to think and repent to ensure that they will not be in heaven. I know this kind of thinking sounds wrong but it does comfort me, it’s not the actual answer , no ones knows the correct answer but God but it is a possible answer to the many different possiblities out there. Another possibility (not the certain correct answer) to the childhood being robbed from your children is that I noticed that people that were robbed from there childhood including myself tend to be “big kids” when the hurt isn’t there- the hurt comes and goes. But I remember somewhere in the bible it mentions that we should be like children when entering heaven, and that Jesus loves children. I am an adult now and conduct myself as one in everyday responsibilities and my job but I do tend to be a “goofball” when I can, it just sort of comes out. What if the blessing is that your children will never lose that childlike innocence and will be able to play and do cartwheels in heaven all day, not that they can’t or don’t do that now on earth. Most people that I know that are so serious seemed to use all that childlike play when they where young and had the time, and just grew too fast by choice as a result. Does that make sense? Anyways I’m not saying that these are the reasons or answers to your questions, but I’m just sharing some of the thoughts that I think about when I wonder the same things. I think that you need to let go of your guilt, you sound like a great mother regardless of what you were dealing with in the past it’s what you know now and the things that you recognize. Everyone must go through mistakes to get better, sometimes you have to be wrong to be right, the point is is that you’ve gotten better and that those mistakes weren’t done in vain. The fact that you care so much and even the guilt that you have or had shows how much you care and how good you are. My mother never acknowledged what I went through or what she did, she chose to call me a liar and chose to deny her involvement not taking any responsibility for her actions, NOT that you were responsible for any of that. You had good intentions to better you and your childrens life, her intentions were just for herself. I hope that this gives you different things to think about. Who knows? But God.

  47. Pingback: Profiles for Child Sexual Abuse Awareness April 2012 | Love, Life, and Relationships: Overcoming Emotional and Child Sexual Abuse

  48. I hope that everyone who commented on this blog will join us for Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month. We are talking about it, healing and sharing it for others who are still silenced. We hope our blogs can enter homes and help others while they journey to love. If you have not subscribed, please do at: http://www.ressurrection.wordpress.com Whenever a Child Sexual Abuse blog comes out, you support someone in their healing process! Way-2-Go!

  49. Boyer Writes says:

    Thank you for following my blog. I feel God has led me to write and so I do. Pray I will have wisdom because there are those around the world who need God’s touch.
    I have listened to the video clip that you have on your site. What you have written in your book and on your blog is very powerful I am certain that God will use all the pain you have endured to help others. You have been given a gift and that gift is in your ability to write and to speak out. Lay it before Him each day. Keep a journal because you are still young and when you are older you will have forgotten much…and another book will be in your experiences. Blessings. Nancy at Boyer writes http://www.boyerwrites.wordpress.com
    PS Please feel free to pass my website along to people you think would appreciate it.

    • This touched me. Thank you for your comment. And, I keep several journals next to my bed, along with a few favorite books. :) I will remember your words and be sure to pass on your website. Thank you!

      • Boyer Writes says:

        I am so glad to have a quick response. Another of your talks that I listened to really hit the nail on the head. This was about listening to your daughter. So often, these days, I see families sitting in a restaurant and a child is either playing a video game or…tugging on the parent to simply respond to something that they have drawn on the menu etc. and the parent seems to ignore until the child gets upset. Unless our younger family generation wakes up to what this is doing to relationships, we will have a rough road ahead as children grow up. My children are all grown, but even now my son and daughter call almost daily to share something going on in their lives.
        Keep up the good work and carry on for you are His hands and His feet as we approach Easter resurrection (which is your name…how wonderful) Nancy

  50. I don't want to writ my name says:

    I don’t feel like talking about the stuff that happened to me. I have lost so much. nothing seems to matter.

    • You don’t have to talk about it until you’re ready. That is one reason that this blog is here. It is supposed to offer people who are at home with child sexual abuse pasts an opportunity to heal one day at a time. And, when and if you ever become ready, you can talk. I appreciate your comment. Peace, Res

    • Marko says:

      Please stay encouraged, it took me almost 3 decades to discuss the affects of physical abuse! There is hope never give up and please remember that you do have people here who care about you! I will speak up for victims, I’m still healing daily! Be blessed and forever encouraged!

  51. Mark Brady says:

    Sexual abuse seriously messes with our brains. It can also set us up to be abused again. Freud identified it as “the compulsion to repeat the trauma.” Peter Levine has a very useful CD series on Healing Sexual Trauma at the level of both the brain and the body, by practicing body movements and thoughts that we were unable to do at the time of the abuse – which would have been to kick some ass and take some names!

    http://www.somaticexperiencing.com/peter-levine/a-list-of-books-approved-by-peter/18-sexual-healing-transforming-the-sacred-wound-cd.html

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  57. Lisa says:

    My daughter disclosed her abuse to me in July 2011. Since then we have been on a journey that I never imagined. You are so right when you talk about not keeping the secret. Before all this happened, I was so misinformed. The process of doing research is so eye opening – I now know it is imperative to talk about this. My husband – my daughter’s abuser – was married (to me), educated and working. We are a middle/upper class family, the type where I didn’t think abuse could exist. Boy was I wrong. Thank you for your service to the world by taking a stand against this horrible crime. Nobody can keep my mouth shut from this point on – now that I know, it is impossible for me not to take a stand.

  58. Pingback: Five Frequently Asked Questions About Religious Spiritual Abuse and Child Sexual Abuse | Love, Life, and Relationships: Overcoming Emotional and Child Sexual Abuse

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  62. Marjorie says:

    I was raped and molested as a child my mother never knew about it because i kept silence but it still hurt me from time to time but i have forgiven those people the thing that hurted me the most i never knew why they did it to me ….i wish that i had taken action the only reason i didnt take action is because i thought no one wouldnt believe me at all…but that gave me an addiction of masturbation that lasted for almost twenty years which is sad but i thank God for protecting me all these years

  63. Pingback: The Problem with Preaching Predators In Leadership: Chuck Adair at Skillman Church in Midland Dallas Texas | Love, Life, and Relationships: Overcoming Emotional and Child Sexual Abuse

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  66. Frances says:

    Pastor Dale Lee McFarland, Radiant Church (Assemblies of God) Surprise, AZ. is a sexual predator and deviant. Hell has a special place reserved for this kind of pure evil, wolf in sheeps clothing.

    • This is what I found in the Courthouse New Service. I did not want to add your comment without having something for other readers to understand. If you have been involved in this and need any support, or counsel I am here. This situation is clearly spiritual abuse used for grooming sexual abuse.

      Couple Say Pastor Was a Predator
      By JAMIE ROSS
      Tweet ShareThis
      PHOENIX (CN) – A pastor at a megachurch manipulated a parishioner during counseling and told her to have sex with him, with “God’s approval,” and divorce her husband, the couple claim in court.
      Jody and Derek Gallagher sued Dale Lee McFarland, Radiant Church Assembly of God, and the Arizona District Council of the Assemblies of God, in Maricopa County Court.
      The Gallaghers claim McFarland, while pastor of a church in Surprise, Ariz., “breached his duty as a pastor and counselor when [he] began manipulating a vulnerable Jody for his personal, perverted sexual pleasures.”
      Jody claims she began counseling with McFarland after her daughter allegedly was victimized by a Prescott youth counselor.
      Jody Gallagher claims McFarland told her “that he was receiving direction from God regarding his counsel to her and told her that Derek had abandoned her emotionally.”
      She claims that McFarland “love bombed” her “with romantic declarations telling her of his love for her and God’s approval of him and Jody becoming sexually involved.”
      Derek Gallagher claims he too sought counseling from McFarland, and told him “of his love for Jody and his children and his complete inability to understand why his family was falling apart and Jody drawing away from him.”
      After meeting with Derek, “McFarland told Jody that Derek was the most dangerous and violent man he had ever seen and that he was personally ‘scared to death’ of Derek during his counseling session,” the Gallaghers say. McFarland also told Jody “to change the locks on the house for the safety of herself and their children,” according to the complaint.
      Jody says she followed McFarland’s counsel, “demanded that Derek stay away from their home and filed for speedy divorce although she had recently discovered that she was pregnant.”
      The Gallaghers claim that McFarland “gradually increased the pornographic style of his communications and even persuaded Jody to send him nude pictures of herself and to exchange nude pictures of himself. He proposed clandestine meetings at motels, including one in Prescott near where Jody lived, and provided her cash for such purposes. He described in crude and rude terms his desire to ‘F***’ her on his Harley and told of his visions of her private ‘wet’ body parts and ‘Ah-mazing’ other body features that he described in crude ways and intimate detail,” the complaint states.
      Jody claims McFarland manipulated her “into having physical relations with him in the inner sanctum of the pastor’s chambers after he arranged for all staff to be absent” – the “very same place where McFarland provided Derek marriage counseling just days after having sexual relations with Derek’s wife Jody.”
      Derek claims McFarland’s chicanery “placed Derek under enormous stress, which caused Derek to develop severe anxiety and chronic tension headaches in addition to exacerbating a latent neurological condition which his doctors tell him he will struggle with for the remainder of his life.”
      The Gallaghers claim that Derek began to “call into question whose baby Jody was carrying, adding to the fact that the baby has Down syndrome and had other critical ailments during gestation.”
      The Gallaghers claim that McFarland’s wife, Sandra, “knew about her husband’s adulterous behavior and his penchant for pursing vulnerable women congregants of his flock, married or unmarried and was complicit in his behavior by choosing to allow it to continue, knowing other women would be harmed and victimized.”
      Sandra McFarland also is named as a defendant.
      In sum, Jody Gallagher claims, McFarland “purposefully introduced her into his life of depraved pornography, adultery, scheming, lies and the abandonment of her marriage and family with the intent that it would lead to the destruction of her marriage and family, which he knew would be going against everything she ever believed in or truly desired.”
      The Gallaghers seek $6.6 million for breach of fiduciary duty, intentional infliction of emotional distress, negligent infliction of emotional distress, and other claims.
      The Gallaghers say in the complaint that they are still married, and receiving counseling elsewhere.
      They are represented by Dan Durrant, with Gillespie, Shields, and Durrant.

  67. Pingback: Dale Lee McFarland, Mega-Pastor Used Spiritual Counseling to Prey on the Weak was Sued for $6.6 Million | Love, Life, and Relationships: Overcoming Emotional and Child Sexual Abuse

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  69. Robert says:

    I was abused when I was about 6 years old, by a friend of my older brother, and have suffered ever since. Guilt, shame, confusion, you name it.

  70. Holly says:

    So not really sure where to start…looking for answers and guidance , just feel very alone and wish I knew what God wants from me, is there something I’m just not hearing from him? So I divorced my ex 6 years ago for finding porn. On our computer for the third time in our almost 12 year marriage. We had been in several years of marriage counsiling, but he had been lying the whole time to me. The last time I found the history and the sight names were gay, animal and child. The computer literally began to erase itself as a friend from church and I searched it. I had taken pics of some of the site names before they deleted but when my friend looked the child ones up they were “fake out ” sites…older than 18 year olds? I have 4 children, and about a year after we divorced my 3rd child who was three at the time reported sexual abuse from his Dad , since then my youngest boy now 7 and one of my daughters has turned this in. We have been in and out of court, sexual therapist and custody phcycologist and about 15,000 dollars later to have my children taken from me, and full custody given to him. They say i made this all up and brain washed my kids into believing it and saying it. I have tried so hard to raise my kids to love and follow God, I have raised them in church and scripture and a personal relationship with him. My daughter has started a group in her school which she leads called generation change, their motto is ” spreading Gods love one act of kindness at a time” they have raked leaves for free in the community , ran car washes to raise money for a sick little girl who received Gods healing when they began praying for her and an Easter egg hunt for the children at the homeless shelter.( and many more) she started this group in 7 th grade and has grown from 6 kids to about 70, now in high school. My kids were praying and studying and trusting God was going to keep them from going back and keep them safe. I am so confused , and I am trying to answer their questions but feel fake. I told them that we don’t always understand why God does what he does but we have to trust that he has a reason. We received a promise from God through a scripture 2 kings 19, that kept presenting itself to us through different people and ways. But now I just feel stupid, like I led my children wrong. They have to live with this man, I am trying to understand, I have enormous amount of guilt, that somehow this is all my fault yet I have no idea what to change. I feel guilty for divorcing him, maybe it wouldn’t have happened if I would have stayed, I remarried 2 years ago and I feel guilty for this too. I was also abused as a child from about 5 to about 10 mostly by my older brothers friend which I read the book help for the wounded heart , confronted my brother for not stopping it. And have received healing and forgiveness for my abusers, but of course this was used against me in court. Their dad was also abused as a child by his older boy cousins and introduced to porn at a very young age but the courts thought nothing of this. I just feel lost , I long for God to speak to me , I just want to be in his will. I know I lived in sin for a year , year and a half after my divorce, never put down my bible , never stopped praying but was sexually active and felt guilty for it. The first time my son came forward with these allegations I stopped and turned back to walking in gods truths but I cannot shake the guilt for this either.

    • Holly,

      I am sorry that this happened to you, and I know that making sure that your children are safe is most important. I have some information that I can send you to support you in getting your children back, and in a safe place.

      I have some questions so that I can tailor the support to you. You are welcome to reach out to me via email: ressurrection dot wordpress at yahoo dot com. I have written the email address out because of spam. I hope to hear from you. This is serious.

      Bless you

      Ressurrection

  71. Pingback: Destiny’s Child: Michelle Williams Talks Overcoming Depression | Love, Life, and Relationships: Overcoming Emotional and Child Sexual Abuse

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  73. Hello everyone! I hope that many of you are still connected to this comment thread. I just want to say that I’m praying for you. I want to know, how are you doing in your healing? Any updates? Also, on my blog, I have written many blogs pertaining to overcoming child sexual abuse. If you come on the website, look to the right and put “child sexual abuse” in the search, I think you’ll find a lot of blogs that give you insight. I’ve added a few blogs below:

    Four Things You Can Learn From Being Married to A Child Molester? http://ressurrection.wordpress.com/2012/09/13/online-dating-four-things-you-can-learn-from-a-woman-married-to-a-child-molester-she-met-on-www-match-com/

    Domestic and Sexual Violence in the Church: A Sisterhood Reality Show Review.

    http://ressurrection.wordpress.com/2013/01/30/domestic-and-sexual-violence-in-the-church-a-sisterhood-reality-show-review/

    Overcoming the Effects of Child Sexual Abuse

    http://ressurrection.wordpress.com/2013/01/02/overcoming-incest-and-the-effects-of-child-sexual-abuse-grooming/

    Five Frequently Asked Questions about Religious Spiritual Abuse and Child Sexual Abuse

    http://ressurrection.wordpress.com/2012/08/22/five-frequently-asked-questions-about-religious-spiritual-abuse-and-child-sexual-abuse/

    Does God Forgive Child Molesters?

    http://ressurrection.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/does-god-forgive-child-molesters/

    These are just a few. I look forward to hearing from you. If you are in a current battle within your relationships, or the courts and need some ministerial counseling and resources, I may be able to provide some support. Please feel free to contact me.

    Blessings to you,

    Ressurrection

  74. UnteeEm says:

    What did I think of this Article? Was it Helpful?

    …an extremely timely gift from God–The Universe. Just three hours ago, I posed the question to ‘the ether': “with all the evidence of child sexual abuse by priests, bishops (Eddie Long & others) and cover ups by cardinals, popes, and other clergy, WHY is it so difficult a subject to broach and discuss with so-called christians, and in Black (money grabbin) mega churches?”

    A victor of incest (natural father; his cousins & “friends”), as near as I can recall, 18 months old through mid 6th grade–11years old, I intend to share my triumphs while serving as ‘a healer’ for survivors of child sexual abuse–with whom I can share my experience of transformation…Light at the End of the Darkest Tunnel.

    Having just recently “turned an emotional corner” in my healthy transition and recovery from over 50 years severe depression, bipolar and dissociative disorder; years of intermittent long-term psychological counseling/behaviour therapy; EDMR therapy (which blocks the physical/emotional pain long enough to explore it’z origin), lupus, and, finally a low dose of pharmaceutical assistance (zoloft), I’m feeling more hopeful, motivated, and clear-headed than ever in my 60+ years of ‘sacred life’.
    I, too, KNOW I am here–a vibrantly thriving suvivor because God has work for me to do. Finding you here tonight, Resurrection, is an encouraging boon to my mission: Offering and providing A Safe Place & Space for gentle, supportive, compassionate assistance toward recovery from the emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental challenges of child sexual abuse on older adults.
    Thank you,”Resurrection”! I’m “Renee” = “Renewal” …we’re on the same wavelength.
    More later.
    Love, Hugs, & Abundant Blessings to You–an awesomely amazing Spiritual Servant!

  75. chantil says:

    Fear was my issue I was a scared only child with an evil step father. Was I wrong to be scared? I watched and observed my mothers behavior even tested to see if I could tell her. Long story short it was an epic fail. It isn’t easy to tell someone you have been violated by someone who are supposed to provide a safe and stable inviroment. I told however in the end the effects of telling for me were far worst than being silent. People said that I would better by speaking out however, that doesn’t make the pain and suffering go away. It remains a stain that will never be removed. I have taught my own daughters about this issue. I am not a predator and I don’t go to church. Did god not love me enough to keep me and others safe from these animals? I always did what I was told an obedient child I was and this is what I get WHY?

    • Wow you’ve said alot here. First, keeping your secret is not the best option if you are unable to do personal healing. Sometimes sharing your story with the person who is between you and the perpetrator can help to stop continued abuse. Sometimes it will help you to get the healing that you need.

      God gives us free will. Just as you’ve made decisions in your life not to go to church, or to be obedient as a child, God did not MAKE you do that. He also does not MAKE someone choose to be evil to you. I understand your hurt, but this did not come from God. I think that in any situation where someone has wronged you, we want to ask why. The truth is, not answer will be sufficient. It was wrong. It was not your fault, not once, not ever. God loves you more than enough. Our relationship with him is not that simple. He’s not a dictator, we are not puppets, and he’s not into controlling us. What the perpetrator did was wrong, and believe me God will take care of this person in their next life, and this one. You may not know the suffering that they are experiencing. On the other hand, we have a recourse, you can always say something and work to get the justice you feel you deserve. It is very hard to do this. I am not advising it, I’m offering it as an option. I pray that you find healing and peace on your journey. God exists, he is real but we have to allow him in.

  76. Pingback: Heal Me With Words ™ A National Campaign where Healed People, Heal People for Child Abuse Awareness Month | Love, Life, and Relationships: Overcoming Emotional and Child Sexual Abuse

  77. miranda postma says:

    I have destroyed my mother i have a daughter and her father is my step father my mom has known for a couple months now and not doing well at all she is trying to press incest charges what should i do

    • Miranda, can you call me? I maintain strict confidentiality with my clients but I want to talk to you. You did NOT destroy your mother. Your stepfather is an adult and I’m assuming you are a child, he knew what HE was doing. Please feel free to call me, I’d like to support you and answer your question 202.717.7377

  78. Parents should protect their kids as well as teaching them to self-protect.

    Child predators will get what is coming to them sooner or later.

    It bothers me to this day about kids who are victimized by sick, perverted men.

  79. Alan says:

    I I have molested about ten kids in my life and I am so guilty.
    Well I was not some violent kind of person when I did my unholly acts,and did not mean to harm them anytime.
    I remember being molested myself by my elder cousin sister who is just an year older to me.
    She’s would go naked and then she would ask me to be all over her and then she would ask me to be all the same and ask me to strip and all that.
    I grew up and couldn’t control my urges, I was asocial kind of person. I would be very shy in talking to girls and making new friends.
    I us to touch the private parts ,also known as bad touch ,most of thetime the victim not knowing it.
    I don’t ask for any immunity, what I did was a crime and I am very honest in that.
    If I end up going to hell because of that, then I must. Though I am aa good soul,but that was my dark side. I did it in a span of two years and I have never repeated it.
    I do good acts,I help people, I am a good person, but I have caused harm, though they do not know it, and I have caused harm to myself.
    I would like to hear from you all and I would like to be forgiven, by god and my inner good. Tells me anything I can do. I stopped because I kept myself in there place and knew what wrobg I was doing.

  80. Pingback: Catherine Marie Portillo Elder | Ressurrection

  81. Thank you so much! Please feel free to check out the current posts, there is great tips and information. Bless you, Res

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