My Letter to My Mother – Overcoming Emotional Abuse

I’ve written My Letter to my Younger Self, and immediately I thought of some other blogs I will write like it.

It wasn’t until an encounter with my mother the other day, right before the New Year that I sought a way to honor my mother but, maintain my healing and repel the emotional abuse that I continue to receive from her.

So, without further ado, My Letter to My Mother.

Dear Ma:

For years I’ve waited for you to stand up and lead your family. I am in thankful absence of my father but I struggle with my relationship with you. I love you and I would beat up Ninjas, travel across the world, take out a clergyman, and turn water into wine if it would keep you safe.

I have tried to communicate with you to share how you carry the tradition of emotional abuse in this family however you do not seem to get it, you don’t understand.

The other day, you asked me to be the “bigger person” and to reach out to a family member that you have acknowledged has deliberately treated me wrongful.

I thought it to be a miracle that you would admit in the last two years, how I’ve been mistreated by family members. And, I have appreciated your love and support in my decision to focus on self-love separating myself from family members that cause me to be re-traumatized.

You continue however to try to control me, and manipulate me, asking me to do things that you do not pressure your other children to do. You claim that I’m mature, and able to be the “bigger person” but I feel that you are re-engaging me in victim blaming.

It is emotionally abusive to ask me to do something, only asking because you want to benefit from the thing you’re asking me to do, and when I use the power I have to say NO, you began degrading me claiming, “You’re not healed. You think you’re healed but you aren’t healed.” You continue with a condescending tone, “You need to be delivered, something is wrong with you.”

You May Also Like: Sibling Psychological Abuse, My Open letter to My Big Brother

You say other things too. You may not curse me out but that would be verbal abuse. What you do is minimize my feelings, do not accept my choices, and put pressure on me to do what you would not do yourself, and what you have not required your other children to do either.

The constant emotional abuse with various situations drives me further away from trusting you with my heart. More than fifteen years ago, I divorced you. I emancipated myself because I knew that something about our relationship was off and the judge agreed. I want a healthy relationship. I want to be able to spend time with you without talking about how I need to do something that satisfies you.

I have not made this a New Year’s resolution. I always looked at what I’ve learned in the year before my birthday is over. And I look at what should be removed.

Without a doubt what I was inspired to do was remove myself from your attempts to control me. You put so much pressure on me that in the past I’ve made poor decisions, and more recently my health is affected.

I want you proud of me, but not at the expense of who I am called to be. I have no regrets about eliminating relationships that are  emotionally abusive from family members. I also will have no regrets about telling you that whether you comprehend it or not, your constant spirit of control, pressure and emotional abuse may not end, but it will end our relationship.

I will always honor and love you.

Your daughter,

Ressurrection

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About Ressurrection

Ressurrection Graves is a Child Sexual Abuse Grooming Expert and H.E.A.L.E.R. (Healer, Educator, Activist, Life Skills Expert, Empowerment Speaker, Relationship Mentor) Her website reaches readership in 188 countries. She is available for national speaking engagements, radio and television interviews. She can be reached at: 202.717.7377 or send your request to: ressurrection dot wordpress at yahoo dot com or comment on http://www.ressurrection.wordpress.com
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32 Responses to My Letter to My Mother – Overcoming Emotional Abuse

  1. Learning Mother says:

    Respectfully well said. I Love how you’re maturing spirituality in front of all of us. You are teaching us while continuing to progress & rise above it all! Keep it up! So proud of you & what you stand for!!!

  2. Yolanda Fowler says:

    I can honestly say I understand. I feel the same way you do about my mother and family. I have always did everything my mother and family wanted me to do and was not happy nor satisfied about it. Things that i did to satisfy my mother and family was always against what i felt. Was it appreciated no it wasn’t. I never stood up to my mother, not even after a physical altercation with a family member over my own life change. I was asked to apologize for something i wasn’t even wrong about. A decison abou tmy life cause someone else to do me harm and she did nothing. and when i chose not to apologize then i was being disrespectful. then, I took a stand and said no more. I never thought I had the strength to stand up to my mother for i have always looked for her aproval. But when I realized I didnt need anyones approval but from OUR FATHER and my own, it made it so much easier.

    I pray for you my sister in hopes that you will continue to live the life that you choose and not for someone else’s (even if it is your family)

    Love you always

  3. Great post today thanks for sharing. I really enjoy reading your blog.

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  13. AFH! says:

    HE knows it all…
    May His grace continue with you.

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  17. Marko says:

    You motivate me to walk into what God has purposed for my life! Thank you so much, and I thank God for you!

  18. Sometimes when people are in denial of how they cause another to suffer from their actions, it is because they fear that what they do has in fact hurt them as well. They refuse to believe in the pain of their actions and resort to disassociating from their deeds by victim blaming or pointing the finger. I pray that your mother receives inner healing because it’s projecting outwardly onto you because I sense that she fears that the real problem lies within herself. Your letter to your mother is something I think she may need to read so that she can learn to confront herself, although this is just a suggestion, something to consider.

    People have a way of compartmentalizing their pain in various ways, and it’s only until they learn to face it that they can fully recover. Sometimes counseling helps. You may need to sit with each other with a counselor present to work things out but that’s only if you are ready for something like that.

    Thank you for sharing your brave letter Resurrection. I just want you to know that You are a beautiful person inside and out and I believe God is doing a great work in you. My mother was raped and that is how I was born so I’m speaking as a daughter of a mother who has been through the same level ridicule and blaming from familial members that so many suffer after the horrific assault. Only through God can one find true and divine healing. Stay blessed my sister and continue the great work that God has started in you :D

    • Peace,

      WOW! Firstly, I was using my phone the other day (touch screen) and I deleted your website when I was trying to view your comment. Can you please fix that? I definitely want people to be able to check out your blog. Secondly, how did you know my mother had not read this? I didn’t even tell her I wrote it, which is different for me because I normally would have printed it out and gave her a copy to read. When I wrote my very candid memoir I went back and forth, over and over with her about details in my life and how I was affected by her and my family. I love my mother with all of my heart and would never want to hurt her. I don’t know if she is ready to receive this or not. This letter was just something that came out of me- that needed to come out, and was not really written for her per say. It was a letter that I would want to give her, when I get a prompting from the holy spirit to do so. And finally, I have a friend who’s mother was raped. She is a beautiful woman but she has always been unstable, and unfaithful as a friend to me, and in her relationships with men. I love her so much but she too is a painful, hurtful friendship that I had to let go of. I still pray for her, and I want her to heal from what her mother went through. Although the assault did happen to your mothers, there are affects that can try to overcome you. You are strong, and brave. Thank you for joining me in this space. Bless you, Res

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