When Are Your Children Too Old to Bathe With You?

I received a disturbing message on my telephone tonight notifying me that Bishop Larry Trotter (who I have never heard of before this moment) uploaded the below picture to his Instagram account.

In the picture, Bishop Trotter and his granddaughter are posing for a huge smile in a bubble bath tub full of water. It seems that people are outraged by the incident, and blogs have already been written about it.

As a child sexual abuse expert, I wanted to look for the picture that was taken down. It came to me, in my email inbox and I found it on a gossip website that annoys the h-e-double-hockey-sticks out of me.

I want to be clear that I did not alter the photo to smear the child’s face, as I have seen commenters on other websites ask, because there is nothing abusive about the picture alone. Also, because this photo was not leaked, it was uploaded by the Bishop as a “grandfather” moment.

Bishop Larry Trotter, in a bubblebath with his granddaughter

Bishop Larry Trotter, in a bubblebath with his granddaughter

So, before I ask you what you think about the photo, I want to have my say. In a comment on another website, one of Bishop Trotter’s congregants who went by the name “Churchmember” said this:

I am a member if Sweet Holy Spirit Church and I know for a fact there is nothing fishy going on here! So please folks STOP thinking more into this than you should.This is not a random child it’s his granddaughter whom he loves and adores! If you all knew the character of the man u r talking about you would know that there is nothing going on! If u were captured in a picture in the bath with your child I wouldn’t be questioning your motives! Thank you be blessed

I responded to “Churchmember” by saying this:

Hi Churchmember. I am sure that you have the best intentions and I am not accusing the Bishop of anything. What I do want to say on behalf of all children is that 90% of child sexual abuse happens with people who is known to the child, so the declaration that this is a relative is not soothing.

And, I think you should be careful to say that nothing is going on unless you have observed him and know the signs of a predator. I’m not calling your man of God a predator by any means, I’m just saying that it is important not to draw false conclusions in offense OR defense of the picture.

Perhaps we should be neutral unless other details emerge but there are many church members who have defended their pastors even in the wake of them being exposed as child abusers.

The picture is uncomfortable because of what we know about child sexual abuse. Some people are even paranoid about every single situation that it border lines accusatory. I want to present two quick perspectives for you.

As a mother, I had my daughter in the bathtub with me. All parents have their children in the bathtub with them for various reasons. And yes, female perpetrators do exist, my readership will tell you that.

One reason why a parent may take a bath or shower with their child could be that the child is too small to roam around the house. Another reason could be that the child is attached and wants to jump in the bath with you. There is nothing wrong with this type of bonding.

The concerns that most people are having with the picture is that it is a Grandfather and Granddaughter. Grandfathers and Granddaughters or male adult and female child only make up one population of child sexual abuse.

I will give one caution and answer the real question about this photo.

The caution is that we cannot assume that the Grandfather had no clothes on in the bubble bath. We can also not assume that he was ever alone with the child in the tub as we see by the photo that it was taken by a third person.

You May Also Like: How Should A Pastor Respond to Allegations of Child Sexual Abuse

Another thing that I want to propose is that even if the man is naked (as most people are when they bathe), he could have taken measures to move his penis out-of-the-way, or to ensure that his granddaughter was not in direct contact with it. We simply cannot assume that something heinous is happening here. I am not saying to rule it out, but I am discouraging us from immediately drawing these conclusions.

The question that I believe we are really asking is, when are your children too old to bathe with you?

I am going to answer this question as a mother first, and then I will quote research. As a mother, an auntie, and someone who has been around many children, the answer to this question is when you feel that the child is beginning to explore body parts, or when they are old enough to ask questions about body parts.

When they begin to name body parts, and recognize that you all have different or different sized body parts, this is a good time to teach them about their bodies, and to end shared bathing schedules even if it is convenient.

Another way to know is that you will find yourself wanting to cover up around them. There will be internal sensors there to help you. As I asked this question, and looked for answers on mom websites, I noticed that some people gave different ages, and some of those ages were older than the child in this picture. For me, it is when a child is coming into an awareness of the body, boy or girl.

You May Also Like: Child Sexual Abuse Must Become A Felony

It seems that I am the only mom expert on the planet answering this question as a written article, because google only brought me to question/answer forums on cafemom.com and circleofmoms.com. This could be because experts find this to be an unwritten rule. Parents know this, they live this!

Learning these ways to prevent child sexual abuse grooming around you may save lives!

Learning these ways to prevent child sexual abuse grooming around you may save lives!

Lastly, child sexual abuse is real and it is serious. I believe that every single person on the planet should have an understanding of what child sexual abuse is, and how to identify if a child (or adult) is being groomed for child sexual abuse.

As far as Bishop Larry Trotter and this picture, I would agree that posting this was “not wise” as he put it. He may have been posting it as a proud grandfather without realizing that there are perpetrators out there who want people to upload personal pictures that can be imagined differently. It is quite possible that he was not thinking of how social media would take this, or who would have access to this picture.

I teach pastors and churches how to handle child sexual abuse according to the bible, and I wrote Ten Ways to Safeguard Your Child From Sexual Abuse. It is very important that we have some sensation when we believe that a child is being harmed, however I believe that we will be more confident in our assessments when we choose to learn the warning signs of abuse.

What age did you stop bathing with your children?

Ressurrection Graves is a licensed minister, child sexual abuse educator and H.E.A.L.E.R. She supports victims of domestic and sexual violence in their healing, and teaches child sexual abuse prevention to churches, and mandated reporters. She is a regular radio guest and speaker who can be reached at: ressurrection dot wordpress at yahoo dot com. To check out her speaking topics, please click here. 

About Ressurrection

Ressurrection Graves is a Child Sexual Abuse Grooming Expert and H.E.A.L.E.R. (Healer, Educator, Activist, Life Skills Expert, Empowerment Speaker, Relationship Mentor) Her website reaches readership in 188 countries. She is available for national speaking engagements, radio and television interviews. She can be reached at: 202.717.7377 or send your request to: ressurrection dot wordpress at yahoo dot com or comment on http://www.ressurrection.wordpress.com
This entry was posted in Child Sexual Abuse, Christianity and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

51 Responses to When Are Your Children Too Old to Bathe With You?

  1. I can see why this picture could be so easily miscontrued. I think that on the part of the Bishop, it was poor judgement on his part to put up this picture on a well known public social network engine. The very nature of the picture is seemingly innocent and yet rather intimate that it doesn’t need a public showcase on a social network that has now blown this photo issue way out of proportion. Simply put, you can’t tell by just looking at the picture that something innocent or perverse is going on since it can be read in so many ways depending on how one is looking at it.

    I don’t like to be presumptious and insinuate anything without knowing the full story. What is clear though is that this photo has sparked a major debate regarding the topic of child-sexual abuse. Whether it was intentional or unintentional, I still consider that the Bishop did not think through how others would have perceived it since he maybe very old school and think well culturally he may have grown up in that culture where elders could bathe with children innocently. The truth is, is that the nature of our culture these days has become very sensitive to the issue of child-sexual abuse since research has taught us that most abusers are perpertrated by people we know (i.e. family members & friends or close acquaintences) so these cultural norms have changed overtime to be viewed by others as unacceptable. The reaction to the picture also tells me how far as a society we have come to be so sensitive about this once hushed-up topic of child-sexual abuse. In all fairness, I think the bishop made a poor judgment call when he posted the pic on his instagram page. It is no wonder why anyone can be so presumptious of his intentions to post the picture that can be read as either a positive or negative depending on the persons perception. People need to practice prudence to avoid unnecessary debate or confusion.

    I love your two cents on the topic answering “When is a child two old to bathe with an adult?” I think that’s the main issue here apart from the photo. I think you executed the answer really well Sister Res. I totally agree with you. I also think that it’s best to teach a child how to wash themselves as early as possible so that they do not need to rely on adults to get the job done.

    Blessings,
    Sherline :D

    • Indeed. Thank you for commenting. The picture could be taken any way but I do think that it is because of the fear (and not education) we live in. I say this because I have been reading the comments on other blogs and such.

      I pray that he did just make a mistake by sharing a personal photo.

  2. Nicki says:

    All families interact in different ways. The perspectives you offer are awesome. This is not merely about biological relationships but about intent and response. “I’m just saying that it is important not to draw false conclusions in offense OR defense of the picture.” I think this sentence from your blog perfectly summarizes my view of the picture as it relates to whether the Bishop is sexually abusing his granddaughter. I’m not saying he is. I bathed with my infant as well but never posted the pictures on social media. You called it uncomfortable while I call it irresponsible. As I work with youth in foster care and other challenging situations, I know that predators use similar tactics to sexually abuse children. I believe that this photo could give (false) license to a predator to start to or continue to bathe with children. In this scenario it is not “innocent”, but for the sexual pleasure of an adult. The picture could also confuse a victim or the parent of a sexual abuse victim about what constitutes abuse. I believe that in our current world an influential pastor and responsible adult should consider the message before hitting send. Some family moments are meant to be cherished family moments and not shared with the world. I’m not talking about protecting the Bishop’s reputation but protecting all our children from predators looking for a pass or a picture to arouse themselves.

    • I am in total agreement with you. The only thing that I will add is that I believe that it is possible for us to consider that he was irresponsible, not thinking as a bishop who leads, but a grandfather alone.

      The picture is irresponsible and i do agree with that, but I also think that we can not assume harm immediately.

      Indeed private moments should have been kept private, and if he is innocent of any wrongdoing, perhaps he really should consider hiring me to come teach at his church in order to avoid future mistakes in social media like this.

      He may honestly not understand the ramifications of his actions, thinking that his granddaughter would be subject to predators who would use this as a way to manipulate others to bathe with children.

      Thanks for your comment.

      Awesome.

  3. IStayWoke says:

    Take the baby’s face down period…It dosen’t matter what the perception of the image is.I know this baby and it breaks my heart. People don’t think about children and the repercussions this will cause.Only about their selfish agendas. It’s not her fault he put the photo out. . Sigh

    • I’m not taking the photo down because I haven’t written anything to perceive her to be in danger. If the Bishop calls with this request, of course I will but I certainly do not appreciate an insinuation of “selfish-agenda” on my part.

      On the contrary, I believe that this blog offers a different perspective on the subject and it is great education and awareness.

      If I change the picture, it will be because I want to make sure that predators do not have access to it. I’m sure this child is a sweetheart who loves her grandpa.

      And, why is your heart broken? I’m confused by this statement.

      • IStayWoke says:

        I am heartbroken because I personally know this child as a former classmate of my child and it pisses me off that her image is being plastered all over the internet by bloggers. I think about the child and how this will affect her. Did you think about that? Did you address that? Why not contact the authorities if there is speculation of criminal behavior? The education and awareness about the subject that you have provides is great. Again I ask do you have to plaster this babies face on your blog? Honestly? To make myself clear, I don’t defend her grandfathers actions one bit! The bigger picture is protecting these children if you really care. I continue will voice my opinion (which is never popular) on every blog that shows up with this image.

        • Hello, as you will continue to voice your opinion on this blog, you must remember that it is my choice to post it. I want to be clear that you should not personally attack me. As far as the child is concerned, the picture itself is too cute. You say that you are heartbroken but I still do not understand why unless you know that something criminal is taking place in which case you need to notify the authorities immediately, and discreetly notify bloggers (like me) who WILL do something about this. You are actually bringing alarm with your comments.

          Secondly I want to clarify that while I do have a blog, I am not a “blogger” alone. My bio is available here, and my title is at the top, the bottom of the page, and the bottom of the blog article.

          And finally, and most importantly I am confused by you saying “The bigger picture is protecting these children if you really care.” What does that mean? I haven’t “plastered” the baby’s face on my blog. It is the picture in question, a picture that only raises suspicions with those who are affected by the media related abuse scandals or personal trauma associated with child sexual abuse.

          How will my blog affect this child? What negative affects can come from this? There are child models who post in pictures all of the time in various commercials, catalogs, and other forms of media. Aren’t there photos “plastered” as you say?

          You admittedly do not agree with the grandfather’s actions, for whatever personal reasons, and as a result you think you are somehow “saving this child” by informing people to take her picture down.

          I appreciate you comments, and your thoughts about the picture.

          Again, if you feel that you know something, beyond the photo alone that would make you feel fear for this child you should contact your local authorities.

          Thanks again,

          Ressurrection

    • taking the Bay’s picture down WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT HELP ANYBODY HERE, it doesn’t matter whether you can see her face or not – any “faceless” little girl in this situation doesnt change a thing

  4. Interesting question to consider. I never really thought about it, to be honest, since me having children is at least few years away. However thanks for the article, and the link for “10 ways…”. I had time where I didn’t want children, and now that I have a loving partner and plans to have them one day, things change. So in the light of the past few months of recovery from my SA I have been thinking long if I want a child in a world where such things happen. And since most of the things that people assume would help (you know, being cautious with strangers, dressing and acting certain way) are not that helpful- we know by statistics that rape is often by friend, close person or relative- I am starting to think over how to prepare my child as best as I can.
    I don’t want to prepare her/him to be trying to prevent such situation from happening, I’ve read too much. May be that’s pessimistic, but I think it’s more real- chances are, her/him will be at least once in their life in potential threatening situation, whether we are talking someone attacking them or just uncomfortable situation that can be threatening. I was thinking of finding way to may be get them to like and go to something like martial arts or the sorts, just you know…to know how to defend themselves. Either way I’m sure there is a lot more I have to learn and consider on the subject so thanks for the post.

    • Hello Seekingafrica, dope name btw. I agree with you that child sexual abuse is possible for every child and it is incredibly important that we teach prevention to parents so that they know how to identify situations of child sexual abuse grooming (a term I created and introduced) so that we can stop it before it happens.

      In addition, it is very important to teach your child martial arts, and how to defend themselves, but there are so other techniques to teach them on how to respond to uncomfortable situations as well.

      Thank you so much for your comment.

      Bless you,

      Res

  5. Oh. Now I saw it wasn’t an article but a seminar, which is on the other side of the world from me. Anyway. Your post still made me think, so what I said still stands.

    • It is a seminar! I do apologize. I’m in DC! You can however continue to get future parenting tips about prevention here and information that may help you in healing. Feel free to subscribe.

      Thanks

      Ressurrection

      • That’s okay…I have been there actually, even though it’s far, but currently I’m not. And thank you. I am subscribed actually. I find your blog pretty interesting to read when I have time,…and you know, helpful with my recovery.
        I even wanted to write the “what did i learn this year” blog, but I did get time before new years. I did spend a while going through my own blog. It was fascinating year of recovery for me and I wanted to somehow find what i have learned on larger scale, i jotted down ideas…i just didn’t get time to write it unfortunately.
        Oh…and thanks, for the name…I was wondering for a while what name to give to my blog, and then one day it just clicked, and now it feels like that was supposed to be the name all along. Oh, Happy New Year, I forgot.
        Atlanta

        • If you decide to write what you learned you can send it to me and I will publish it. No worries. :)

          • Thank you! I’ll definitely try to get to it. This year, between depression, recovery, studies, graduation, finding love, PTSD and figuring out what I’ll do for the rest of my life and where…it was definitely one of the most important years of my life, when it comes to lessons. And it will be nice to formulate it in one post:).

  6. I know the picture is’nt about The Pastor,(no disrespect to him),but as a Survivor of abuse,and a mum to a now adult daughter,I do not agree that this picture should have been posted,or that he should be in bath with ‘posing’ or not with his granddaughter. When my daughter was younger,I would let her join me in bath,BUT,only when I was 5 minutes from getting out,and on the fact she was female like me(take that as you will). I was abused by my ‘male’ parent when younger,and some of those occassions,involved bathing,nevertheless,I don’t agree,with this,society may be different now,from when I was younger/growing up,(UK)I hold very strong views on ChildSexual Abuse/Incest,NOT saying this is here or anything of sort,just my view/opinion.Enough said.

    • Hi Trisha,

      You said a lot and if it’s okay, I’d like to respond. I think this picture was inappropriate to post but I’m not sure (because I don’t know the bishop) if he did this realizing the response that would come from it.

      I too, am one who was sexually abused as a child. Just as you mentioned, your abuser(s) were male, and this may have been a trigger for people who have experienced incest.

      I’m just saying that we can not assume that this picture represents incest, and that there are other factors here to consider.

      Whether it was five minutes or twenty minutes, you allowed your child to bathe with you, and many others have done the same, they just didn’t post it on a social network.

      I hold strong views as well about child sexual abuse, but I encourage us not to assume that he is a sexual predator behind this picture alone.

      I love your comment and I know there are many that were instantly upset like you.

      Blessings,

      Res

  7. Rosalie Corame says:

    Men who are sexually excited by interactions with their young children and grandchildren should not be bathing with them or sleeping with them. – or swimming with them – or holding them on their laps.
    Really I think that the line to be drawn is not with the activity (beyond the obvious lines regarding sexual or quasi-sexual touch) but with the man himself. My sense is that for men whose sexual energy is clean and in order, that is is nourishing for young kids to get close physical attention from them.

    • Thank you Rosalie for your comment. As far as the photo, I agree that we can not tell from the picture alone if he is indeed the type of man that you describe.

      Thanks again,

      Ressurrection

  8. Tashia says:

    Good post! I understand where you are coming from. I’m still stuck on the fact that Bishop Trotter took the photo and placed it on social media. Just for me that is a huge No No! Also personally I don’t think he should have been the one to bathe with the girl. I’ve spoken to Bishop once before I believe he is good people. Praying for an increase in wisdom for everyone and that Bishop will be fine at the end of this. Us church folks can be something else!!

    • LOL at “Us churc folks can be something else!”

      Thanks for commenting. I’m not saying that his actions are okay. I’m also not saying that they are not okay. I will say however, that I believe he should not have posted the picture. But, while we are on the topic, maybe we should address the issue of children taking a bath with their parents, or grandparents to clarify what is actually appropriate!

      Again, thanks for reading, commenting, tweeting!

      You are awesome.

      Pecae,

      Ressurrection

  9. Kai Frasier says:

    The child is clearly on his lap. I’m sorry but that’s not cool.

  10. Kai Frasier says:

    Also, I think the reason people are more suspicious of this type of behavior nowadays is because every day more an more oediphiles are revealed. Mostly pastors, child care workers, teachers an people who work with kids an are trusted in general. Who thinks its okay for a child to be on their grandfathers lap in the bath tub? Albert fish was a grandfatherly type as well. I don’t trust most church leaders anymore. Bishop trotter just creeps me out.

  11. REACHLSR says:

    It saddens me to see that familial intimacy evokes such suspicion, but it’s a good thing that our society is more conscious of the insidious crime of child sexual abuse. Whether this man is or isn’t a predator, he certainly exercised poor judgment in posting the picture to the internet. It will be there forever and it surprises me that a leader of his age would not realize that when you share personal information publicly, you invite public opinion and reaction.

    I pray for him and his family (including his adorable granddaughter).

    I believe adults have a responsibility to begin teaching about boundaries as early as the child can understand and I agree that bathing with children should absolutely cease when the child recognizes genital differences or either party feels uncomfortable. We cannot protect our children from every hazard, but we have to be fully engaged in equipping them to recognize danger and assert their personal space regardless of who is trying to infringe.

  12. Greetings Resurrection!

    As a former member of Sweet Holy Spirit (serving in leadership for more than 15 years, leaving only because of relocation), and having very close relationship with Bishop Trotter and his family for many years, I will say in his defense that I do not believe there was anything inappropriate going on between he and his granddaughter. He loves his granddaughter dearly (she is his first grandchild).

    Do I think he is a pedophile, absolutely not. I do, however, think the photo was inappropriate to be posted on any social media network. It exhibits poor judgement in its greatest form. Oftentimes, we are caught in the moment of things and not attentive to the affects of the smallest decisions we make.

    It is only appropriate that we are appalled by the photo. We should not become blind to the image because the Bishop is in the photo. If it were any adult male in a tub with a minor child, we should raise our voices because we DO NOT KNOW what the situation is and “it could very well be” a situation where the child is being abused sexually. So, the alarm should have been sounded…and sounded loudly. Because he is a church leader, it does not exempt him from being predatory. We see examples of illicit behavior with clergy members all the time (i.e. Bishops from all religious backgrounds have been recently accused of inappropriate behavior with minors AND adults). So, it was not far reaching to investigate this situation. Fortunately, nothing indecent has taken place. As a result of the outpouring concern, Bishop Trotter removed the photos from his social media sites and commented that the photo was being misinterpreted as something inappropriate.

    We must take away a valuable lesson from this situation. 1) If YOU post an image, status update or comment on any of our social media sites, you open the door for people to judge, disagree with and respond to that post. 2) At certain levels of responsibility, we must be cautious that our good is not evil spoken of. 3) If our actions have offended someone, we have to be open enough to allow them to come to us and express their concerns without becoming offended in return.

    In conclusion, let us pray for Bishop Trotter, his family and all parties involved in this matter. We could continue to speak negatively about the situation but bashing Bishop Trotter and speaking ill of him and his character is not benefiting any of us. I understand how easy it is, because I am guilty of responding negatively as well. Again, for me, it wasn’t because I thought HE WAS DOING ANYTHING WRONG, but couldn’t grasp why it was posted.

    ONE FINAL THOUGHT TO MY CHURCH FAMILY: We have to be very cautious in how we respond to our defense of our leaders. Some of the posts I’ve seen to defend his character have been rather out of order. While your intentions may be good, just as Bishop Trotter’s intentions were pure when the photo was taken, we have to be careful not to sin as well. In the end, the TRUTH will always prevail. In the end, the TRUTH doesn’t need to be defended. In the end, the TRUTH will always succeed!

    Grace and peace to you all!

    • I really like what you said, especially at the end that the truth does not need to be defended. You did somewhat defend him here though lol…

      Either way, I wanted to raise awareness about child sexual abuse and my blog does not hurt or harm either parties. I am praying for them, and I hope that others will join in being positive about the possibility that it was a mistake.

      Peace,

      Ressurrection Graves

      • I guess I did in a sense start defending him, but my intent was not to defend him because that’s not my job. I was raising awareness from the fact that I do have a personal relationship with him and I know his heart and the person I know, I don’t think the accusations against him are true. But, I will scream from the mountaintop that it was definitely inappropriate to post on social media!

        I appreciate your raising awareness on this topic. If nothing else, this matter has caused us to have conversation…and that’s most important!

    • VERONICA says:

      Very well stated!!!

  13. Nora says:

    This is sick period y as a leader would you even set yourself up for this? U r sad and I’m almost sure he uploaded this thinking that it was cute when it did nothing but made him look like a pastor who having sexual relationship with his FYCKIN grand daughter …..am I judging no because the pic speaks for it self

    • Ummm yes you are judging and you’re angry too! Thanks for commenting. To point out what you just said, “I’m almost sure he uploaded this thinking that it was cute.” Just to remind you, you said that you don’t think he had ill intentions.

      Why then read into the picture? And why don’t we get this angry about other pictures that show actual child pornography in the media?

      I’m just wondering.

  14. Pingback: Bishop Larry D. Trotter Uses Granddaughter As Symbol of the Crucifixion | Love, Life, and Relationships: Overcoming Emotional and Child Sexual Abuse

  15. WOW. I am speechless. This would have never occurred to me. As a grown man, I am uncomfortable with my shirt off in front of a little girl. It would never have occurred to me to post such a private and personal family moment for the world to see. Ummm? As others speculate, justify and try to explain, my child protective service training and experience dictates that this behavior is risky and ill advised.

  16. srcoop44 says:

    I’m baffled by the fact that Mr. Trotter thinks the “world” and “people” are “EVIL” simply because they are looking out for the welfare and the best interest of a child. Regardless to weather it’s his granddaughter or not, the photo of him and her in a bathtub was very inappropriate. I guess Bishop Eddie Long’s recent stent with the law regarding child molestation wasn’t an eye-opener for him. It’s one thing to share or be in a swimming pool with your grandchild(ren), but a bathtub is a whole different matter. With that being said, child molestation cases usually start out in the same scenario or manner of this case, where as an innocent child is placed in a very venerable position with a trusted adult. And how he expected the photo to be embraced and appropriated by the general public is beyond me. Who in their right state of mind would rejoice over the fact that a 4 year old little girl is sitting in a bathtub with a grown man? He actually had the nerve to say that he’s very “disappointed in the vulgarity” of the many hate messages (1,200) he received on Facebook. What did he expect….a new suit? This just goes to show you that NO one is exempt from having faults or failures, including our so-called religious leaders. We just have to be more vigilant regarding the people we trust the most with our children, because they too are very capable of deceiving us! I’m sorry Mr. Trotter, but I beg to differ…..we are NOT the ones off the grid.

    • Hi, Mr. Trotter did not upload the pic. It was a mistake that it was uploaded by someone else. And, child molesters do NOT start out with taking baths with children, if anything this would be an escalation. I understand your concern, and rightfully so! Thanks for commenting.

  17. I’ve seen that photo before but have not commented anything, only a thought that if it was me, i will not do it.
    I think you are right. I believe also that this is a wake up call for those saying they are ministers, and to be more cautious on their part because tri-media can easily trace them. And child abuse is done by those close relatives. So, any ministers posting photos like this must be ready for a pros and cons, or be just careful if such posting is just to promote self by using thought-provoking photos to create a following.It is good for the public to be more aware, good for all not to draw any negative conclusions, but it is better to forewarned others like what you are doing, whom I think you have expertise on that subject.Thanks for the follow and the contents of your post which made me more aware.

  18. Ada says:

    |As a mother myself, I feel your opinion that as soon as kids start exploring or naming body parts is the time to stop sharing baths or nudity is misguided. If a child asks you about a body part and you respond by answering and then suddenly becoming uptight about nudity, I think that sends out the wrong message entirely. Children will pick up on the atmosphere and you will no longer be the “go to” person with such concerns. And what if someone does touch them or speak to them inappropriately? Are they doing to come and tell the person who responded by sending out a clear signal that bodies or questions about bodies is something they clam up over. For me there is no set time, a person has to use judgement, as a society we have to be vigilant to the signs of true abuse, without abusing that by stifling normal behaviours.

    You said you would give your own opinion as a mother, then follow that with research, perhaps I’m being daft, but I can’t see the research?

    In response to the picture: as you said, it is important not to draw false conclusions in offense OR defense of the picture. Take the picture at face value: they’re both smiling, they’re both practically up to their necks in thick bubbles (so no one can see anyones bits if nudity is an issue), there’s a 3rd person there). I wonder if the reaction would be the same if he was sharing a fun bubble bath with a Grandson, rather than Granddaughter. If this apparently innocent picture is uploaded and used by “perpetrators out there who want people to upload personal pictures that can be imagined differently” then that is not the Grandfathers problem, that is the problem of the person who misuses the image.

    Speaking of misusing the image, this image is the copyright of the person who took it, I wonder if you obtained permission to reproduce it? Uploading to a social media site doesn’t not give all and sundry the right to screen grab and share it.

    • Ada says:

      I would like to add, that your responses to many of the comments on here have been excellent.

    • I felt it was necessary to put the picture here (even though I did not want to) because everyone who came to this article would not know who or what I was talking about. Secondly, I know my audience and the lot of them are victims or victors of abuse, not current perpetrators. I do not see how this article “misuses” the image, if anything I’ve rallied support by offering a different perspective. This picture was a viral picture, spoken of on major social networks and other sites. I did not get the picture from him, and did even know who he was until now. As a writer, I can write about the picture and that is not illegal to do. My intention is not to harm. As far as research, there was not much on the subject so as a child sexual abuse expert, I am providing you with expertise in this area. As a parent of a sixteen year old with twenty nieces and nephews, I am providing you with parental expertise in this area.

      I do disagree with “that is not the Grandfather’s problem”. He did not upload the picture but I know that they were not thinking this would happen. It is our job to protect our children, and sometimes we don’t realize how to protect them on the internet. It is possible. I wish them well. Thank you for commenting.

  19. Pingback: Pedophiles are Watching Coy Mathis, and Lil Poopy: What these Children have to do with Legalizing Sexual Abuse | Love, Life, and Relationships: Overcoming Emotional and Child Sexual Abuse

  20. Pingback: Ritual Child Abuse: An 8-year-old boy marries a 61-year-old woman | Love, Life, and Relationships: Overcoming Emotional and Child Sexual Abuse

  21. Beebs says:

    So, if it was someone who is not a Bishop, would it be okay for him or anyone else to post pictures with is grand baby taking a bubble bath all across the social media? I could see if the baby was wearing a swim suit…it just doesn’t look right.Like I said before, had it been anyone else it would be bad but since its a Bishop its okay. Taking a picture of a tea party or dress up is reasonable but a bubble bath? I can see that he is a very well respected man, maybe it was just a bad choice.There is a saying in spanish ” El diablo nunca duerme ” meaning the devil never sleeps and will strike and enter at any time. So sad that it was put out there like that, some things are better off not knowing.

    • Hi, thank you for commenting. I don’t know that I understand your question because my article wasn’t written to excuse his actions or to do so by proclaiming that his leadership in ministry has anything to do with the picture posted. I do know however that he did not post the picture, and the family thought it was innocent, and it probably would have been if it were one of those photos that stayed in the family album, at home on the coffee table.

What did you think of this Article? Was it Helpful?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s