Touch me PULEEZE!

I come from the Temptations, Babyface, R. Kelly era. I don’t know what kind of new age non-sense has happened since I’ve been off the scene but this selfishness is unacceptable. Since when are quickies the new sex game?

Foreplay is characterized as the kissing and necking that happens before the play. For me kissing and necking are a part of the experience.

What happened to Let me lick you up and down? Anyone? I have a philosophy and maybe I’m spoiled but head to toe should not be an option.


Nowadays people just pull out the business and start poking. That is not sexy- except for when you have crust in your eyes at like 5am, or occasional lunch rendezvous. We are so disconnected from touching that sex has become so animalistic you miss the full presentation. Maybe this is why people use KY this and Viagra that.

Sometimes I go into schools as a guest speaker for career day or special events, and I talk about being a massage therapist, and touch. There have been studies about touch using infants to analyze how we respond to being touch, and being deprived.

Touch is very intimate. Have you ever been in a waiting room and have someone to invade your personal space by sitting next to you? You were afraid that they would touch you. Well, in studies when infants were left in their cribs unattended without the loving touch of their parents or caregiver, they had developmental disabilities.

The infants were monitored as they became toddlers, and they were not as smart as the infants who were touched. The infants who were touched by being held if they cried, touched in playful ways as we do to entertain our beautiful bundles of joy, were more alert, and very intelligent. The study also revealed the differences between emotional stability with the children. Those who were touched were more grounded and the infants who were not had some issues with trust, and had a variety of emotional challenges, including being resistant and timid.

Is the intimacy lost in the bedroom? Is there a difference between sex and making love? Most men say no, some women would agree but I have this mindset that there is a big difference in f*cking and love making.

When intimacy is introduced in the bedroom you are taking time to include a spiritual connection between you which elevates the experience. Many men are under the impression that sex is intimacy but it is not.

Sex enthusiasts take the time to learn about various positions and keep their sexual arsenal ready for the right engagement. This post is not intended to highlight whether people should or should not be having sex, whether people are married before having sex or whether it is right or wrong. Touch is important whether it is between friends, mates, or other relationships. However, for you who have a creative appetite for love making, I give you Janet Jackson:

What we do know is that God gave us sex to multiply and for our enjoyment. So, why not have it the way that you want it? And, why not make it a spiritual experience? For casual encounters, you may want to just bend (her) over and keep it moving. I hate casual sex, so I will not make an effort to discuss it here but love and the making of it is both intimate and incredible.

Rules of Engagement for amazing love making:

  • completely UNSELFISHLY devoted to the needs, wants and desires of your partner (as long as they don’t cross your boundaries-which should have already been discussed so you don’t ruin a perfectly good mood)
  • communication- some people don’t talk during sex because they don’t care about the person or because they can’t do two things at one time (concentration), but talking to each other during love making about the moment can be an enhancement, and can intensify the occasion.
  • you should NEVER come to the table thinking about how to finish; enjoy the journey and then get to the finish line together. Their is some amazing energy in reaching your destination together.
  • There should be constant touching. Pick a body part 🙂 (of course you would focus on your partners hot spots)
  • Explore  each other – What if the sex is amazing but he like to make it bounce and you like to bump and grind. This, you can work out literally.

One of the lost colors on the sexual painting pallete is exploration. As I talked about above, people (notice I did NOT use we to identify with the audience) have become so centered on getting in and getting out it’s like a day at the department of motor vehicles or something. People get frustrated by the wait instead of realizing that it’s more of a beautiful journey; a vacation; an escape. Remember that God is outside of time. The spirit realm is not concerned with time. Our world has a time system. So, take your time, let it stand still for awhile.

When people who are not virgins go out an gain experience, you can become demanding because you know what you want. It is hard to unlearn what you like, and to not voice what you like to someone else. When you are with someone that you love you must take your time to equally explore your desires so that you can become one as God intended.

In the bible when God talked about people crying Lord, Lord, and he responded “I never knew you”, he was talking about an intimate knowing that was described as love making.

Making love is intended to be a sacred spiritual experience, and whether it’s just sex or not a transferance in the natural and supernatural occur. Have you ever had sex with someone and then started taking on their traits? God never intended for us to be sexing eachother in absence of him which is why it has turned into this disconnected recreational activity.

I am an advocate for love making. If you are going to do it, do it right. In the world of internet, multimedia, social networking and viral marketing campaigns; filled city streets and the rat race, we often fit sex in like it is a chore or a hump we need to get off of our backs.

Love making should take all night, into the morning. It should be passionate and long lasting, you should be worn out and it ain’t extraordinary unless we are both sleep. Some people have to work at it, and as they polish their relationships out of the bedroom things will heat up in the bedroom. On the other hand, for people who wait and fall in love, the connection from expressing your love one to another is better than fourth of July under an African sky.

Please, if you’re going to to start poking around remember to touch, and engage. Sometimes men don’t understand that the preparation can get you more than you ever dreamed. Go ahead, try it. Feel free to report back. Quickie’s are only good at certain times, but they should not be your natural resource for ecstasy. If you have all night, and you give her an hour you will be sleep and she will be mad.

Many men have conformed to the idea that the women should take care of them. Personally, I like a man that can be in charge. I learned along time ago that people’s personalities are the same in and out of the bedroom but that’s a whole other blog article.

*This message is part of our campaign for a love-making America!

About Ressurrection

Ressurrection Graves is a Child Sexual Abuse Grooming Expert and H.E.A.L.E.R. (Healer, Educator, Activist, Life Skills Expert, Empowerment Speaker, Relationship Mentor) Her website reaches readership in 188 countries. She is available for national speaking engagements, radio and television interviews. She can be reached at: 202.717.7377 or send your request to: ressurrection dot wordpress at yahoo dot com or comment on
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