My positivity is not gone, and my faith is not absent. It’s more like on reserve. I read this article where this lady denounced Christianity and I was completely confused by her choice. With that said, God knows he is my friend, my lover, my everything forever. I am not going anywhere. I have an intimate relationship with him and I believe that once you go that deeply into your relationship with God nothing can shake it. It was tested, losing everything will test your relationship with God, believe that.
I don’t even want to be restored at this point. I don’t want to go back to my former state or former glory. What I need is restitution? I want to sue the devil for all my stuff times 7. I want love, because I have definitely been robbed blind of that. How about friendship, any takers? Just kidding, I ran out of applications for that position. Family much? Is there a family that loves like God that may want an extra sibling? I’m just sayin’.
Another round, I’m ducking, and dodging, looking good, and then I get stole right in my mouth. I’m sweating and I never sweat. I’m standing firm, and I really just want to throw my hands up and say forget it. I want to do a Muhammad Ali dance with my feet and then bite his ear like Tyson did.
I guess there’s no fight if there is no competition. I’ve made a list of all the things that I learned. Of course, once you have finished the fight, hindsight is 20/20. But for now, I have embraced the opportunity to learn valuable lessons during training. I have imposed my relentlessness on the enemy and treated him like the loser he is. I have done all to stand.
Growing up there were several artists that came to my church often, Danniebelle Hall, Larnelle Harris, and a guy that I remember to be Morris Chestnut however, Morris Chestnut the actor is the subject of my attraction so I may have gotten the Morris part right and forgotten his first or last name. Anywho, this Morris guy, who was a Gospel Singer would sing this song, at a slow tempo, “Put on the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to stand, and when you’ve done all you can to stand, just continue to stand.” All I remember is the chorus but is speaks volumes. I could not find that song on You Tube anywhere but I did find this…ENJOY!
I want to win, like everybody else. Some get in the pocket, and get a tunnel vision about their outcome. And, some quit. Some lie down and play dead to avoid impact. Some put on the Armor of God as the word of suggests in Ephesians 6. It is clear to me that this part of my life is not a TKO, it’s not even a KO. It is a battle. It almost appears as if there was alot of trash talking and swearing before the first bell rung. It seems that there are opposing sides cheering and those that have an allegiance with me. Sometimes it feel like the crowd rooting for me is out numbered until I remember that is was only a third of the angels that fell from heaven and that I speak a word and the Angels hearken to my voice.
Sometimes we need a reminder of the fact that the enemy has power and is Supernatural but we have Power and Supernatural Authority. Time is my fear fatality. Every time I think about how much time I think I have, I get scared. I don’t want to get knocked down. It’s like doing squats in the gym and the trainer says ten more when you want to scream and pass out. I want a release of God. Like, and this may be a horrible analogy but, I want a release from God like if someone was in the hospital experiencing pain that they could not bare and then, *que music* liquid drugs flows effortlessly into their bloodstream, and they talk baby talk for 5 seconds before falling asleep.
I want a release. From God that would be the end of the battle, the last bell that rang. I don’t want end by decision I want to literally beat the hell out of Satan, pun intended. So, my blog tonight, a personal omission not in complaint but in request. I am crying out to God a manifestation of ALL that he promised me, right relationships, wealth, and to be useful to him in the salvation of others who stand in waiting for signs and wonders to prove you’re God.
Round 25 or something astronomical like that…it starts and immediately I am hit with a two piece. What in the free world? Literally, picking up my face in violent anger I begin to say to myself…. “Giants, do die the bigger they are the harder they fall. Giants, they die, just walk around your Jericho wall.”
As I sing this song, I am infused with power. I notice that God is not in the audience with popcorn and funnel cake, he stands up in side of me. And, I unscathed, reenergized and unaware of the rounds before have the stamina of round one.
“I am with you”, says GOD. “I am with you.”
Silenced by this audible validation, I fight. I fight. I don’t know when this fight will be over but I will be in shape, and matchless when this process reaches its end. I am asking God for a right now change, for the “and suddenly” for the God of Such and Such power to come and be my deliverer.
“When you praise, when you praise, they gotta come down, when you worship…. when you shout…” – Donald Lawrence, Giants
We can either live or die, win or quit, fall and run or fall and stand. Stay with me, something tells me that whether we win by decision or win with a knockout, we win! Here is one of my favorite songs of all time “My soul has been anchored in the Lord” please enjoy.
*This is actually a post from July 31, 2010. I thought I would share it again through this blog.