Today I want to talk about sex. Sex, Sex, Sex, that three-letter word that still makes people who have it cringe. It is a very sensitive conversation for many people. As Christian people who are single we often are scrutinized for having conversations about the marriage bed before honeymoon. I disagree with this approach. I think that knowing the preferences of someone in an intimate nature is just as important as knowing how well they clean their house, how they respond to adversity and their life’s goals.
So here are just some things to talk about in your everyday conversation that will help you to know the heart of your potential mate. I want to leave one thing with you, the answers to these questions are not qualified or quantified as right or wrong. Asking these questions will create a pattern of courageous conversation that will open up your relationship and help you to assess whether this person is for you. When you look for character, you also look for attraction, and you should also observe the following:
1. Do you enjoy sex? – This is such an important question. If you have made a spiritual choice not to indulge in sexual activity before marriage, you have no way of knowing the answer to this question. You must ask because unfortunately, in my opinion, there are people who do not have the desire for sex.
2. What is the level of your desire? – There are people who desire sex 1 time a week. Is that sufficient for you? There are people who want sex 7 days a week and those who are in the middle. I know personally, before choosing celebasy I had to have it every other day, literally or I notice attitude changes. I would become quick-tempered, unsettled, and single-minded. I may not have PMS but Lack of Sex on the other hand would make me shake like crack. Over course there is both truth and exaggeration to that statement.
I have learned my level of desire for sexual stimulation and intimacy, and you too should know yours and your potential mate.
3. Are you conservative?– There are many different teachings in and out of the church environment on what sex is prohibited within the bedroom. This list is not intended to judge anyone’s choices but I do believe that this is probably one of the most important questions that I will list here. There must be a compatibility between each partner and that can be discovered in conversation. Do you both like or dislike certain positions, oral or anal sex etc… Is there a religious belief that prevents you from performing certain acts. With one and four women being violated through sexual abuse in this country alone, you need to have this conversation. There are women who have flashbacks of abuse during sex and they are not open to certain positions at all. While I do believe that we must seek spiritual deliverance from any blockage in our relationships, it is a reality that this kind of unknown can surface during the sexual relations between you two. Do you really want a woman to not tell you that if you hit it a certain way it will remind her of her rape of sexual abuse? Some women tense up, treat the man as if he is the perpetrator or burst into uncontrollable responses vocally or in tears. Finding out whether the person is conservative is the first step. The next step is….
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