Can parents choose their child’s friends? Part ONE

The other day, I was having a discussion about friend choices with my teenage daughter, age 14.  She was sharing some things about various friendships that gave her legitimate concern.

I have heard only two extremes on the issue. Parents usually weigh in on either side, not meeting anywhere close to the middle.

The two extremes are that you as a parent are an intricate part of the choosing friends process or you’re not. As for me and my household, not only will we serve the Lord but we will also remember who the Lord entrusted to run it!

I am really proud of the relationship that my daughter and I have built and maintain. She is a good child who I have taught her worth. She understands how valuable she is, and she hears how beautiful she is from me.

As a ninth grader, my daughter has realized the social pandemonium of having nineteen-hundred students in one school. She is really easy to get to know because she is absolutely hilarious. Make sure you never drink red juice around her because it will end up on someone else’s shirt.

What she is now realizing is that although she has made some really amazing connections, that they don’t  all roll with the same crowd.

In the beginning of the school year, she was high off of high school life and dedicated to building good friendships, while doing well in school. I got no complaints.

Now, she is always questioning people’s intentions and the girls are boy crazy. She would come tell me about drama that frustrates her day, and it actually begin to annoy my drama-free days. So, I begin to ask certain questions to get down to the heart of the matter.

The friends she made in the beginning of the year, some were fake and had to go but the real ones just kind of fell off and she didn’t keep in touch. Friendship is a relationship of dialogue, not monologue. We must engage in the relationship, and invest in positive connections.

Honestly, I think she gravitated to the female friends who talked about boys, one in particular that has feelings for my daughter. I helped her to retrace her steps, and reminded her of some of my rules. To be called my friend you must be tried and true. These acquaintances have been driving her bonkers with their constant boy-drama.

When I helped her see some things she realized how much she missed those healthy relationships with the cool, grounded A students who are more concerned about their education than some boy.

Now she’s trying to figure out how to make subtle changes to her environment so that she can re-transition back, and balance the relationships with all of the friends that she cares about.

It is absolutely okay to choose your children’s friends. You can do it in a supportive way that makes them think they did it.

(part two tomorrow)

As always,

BE. Extraordinary,



About Ressurrection

Ressurrection Graves is a Child Sexual Abuse Grooming Expert and H.E.A.L.E.R. (Healer, Educator, Activist, Life Skills Expert, Empowerment Speaker, Relationship Mentor) Her website reaches readership in 188 countries. She is available for national speaking engagements, radio and television interviews. She can be reached at: 202.717.7377 or send your request to: ressurrection dot wordpress at yahoo dot com or comment on
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