I am not saying that all women are judgmental, but I will jump out on a limb and say, all women think too much at one point or another. We are fabulous multi-taskers, and we will assume if we are not given the truth. The assumption doesn’t have to be to the negative, but we do not like for thoughts to hang loose. They must attach themselves to a truth that we determine at the time. “Oh she/he must be”, for example.
In observation of women, I notice that they like to be “right”. I have seen this with my daughter and it is her most annoying trait, that I am working with her on. I keep trying to explain to her that although we live by certain character and disciplines, not all people see things the same exact way. It doesn’t mean that anyone is right or wrong. Although Christians and other religions may think that they are “right”, the truth is, we won’t know until God cracks the sky. We live by FAITH, not RIGHT or WRONG!
Since I have been homeless, there are many people who try to tell me what is RIGHT for me, and it usually comes from women. They speak from a place of judgment. I do not want to get all into my book, Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to Love however, I will say that women have to become more open minded about how life operates outside of their own world.
When I mentioned this in the small group, on Women’s Day at Princess of Controversy’s event, all the women at one time started rocking in their chairs, nodding their head in agreement. If I am your friend, and I love you, the last thing that you need is a spirit of judgment from me. You may need an ear, an action plan based on your own vision, or money for food, but you certainly do not need me to walk in your shoes for you. This is unrealistic and causes a person to feel unappreciated, condemned, confused, unsupported, and without progress.
In relationships with men as I mentioned in the group, women are often so concerned about being right, that they have to argue, get the last word, nag, remember things that are time consuming and unnecessary, and it only makes you hard or unpleasant to talk with.
So Ladies, today I encourage you to lay aside your judgments. After all, you don’t want someone casting judgment on you. I really feel passionate about not judging each other so if you send me your questions, I will answer them. You can give me a scenario and I can respond, kind-of-like Steve Harvey‘s Strawberry Letters.
In order for women to appreciate and love each other, we have to realize that we as individuals do not know everything. You are not God’s gift to advice, and that if you are selfless, your opinion. judgment, feelings do not weigh more than a word from God. The thing is, you may be right but it may not change the dilemma.
Example: If your friend is in an abusive relationship, you may be right that she should not be in the relationship but you being right doesn’t mean anything. Your support and your love will win the battle. She may need you to help her get away when she’s strong enough to do so like the movie, Enough with J-Lo.
Friendship is not about bossing each other around. You must learn the heart of your friend. Your friendships are supposed to walk with you in life. We use this word so loosely that we don’t understand the dynamics of the relationships that we are developing. A friend is strong when the other is weak. Of course Iron sharpens Iron. I have a few friends that I know will tell me the truth, but they won’t get mad at me if I don’t respond to it immediately. I love them for telling me the truth, but they don’t stomp their feet, and call the rest of the world to tell them that they are right and I am wrong.
The desire to always be “right” is immature. As I said, I am teaching my daughter these principles now. There are specific kind of characteristics that women are born with, and they can only be negative if they are not groomed with teaching and clarity.
So, if you are being judgmental of your friend, and ignoring their phone calls, stop pouting, call and apologize so that you can have a mature dialogue.
Bless you,
Ressurrection
Love, Life, and Relationships: Overcoming Emotional and Child Sexual Abuse 