This week’s topic is Emotional Abuse. We have defined emotional abuse and now we are going to talk about a few of the defining topics. In the book, Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to Love, I talk about my brother Darren who used to be so mean to me when I was a child. He would teach me to be mean, and then call me a name that drove me crazy.
He called me, “psycho”. He began calling me this name after a story that I talk about in the book where he snatched a Dorito off of my plate and I responded not so kindly. The bible describes the tongue as a two-edged sword; speaking life or death over persons, places and things. We must be careful to use our words wisely and when we don’t know what to say, to resist the temptation to be malicious in our tone of voice and the words that we speak out of our mouths.
We can say anything with a condescending tone, and we can act any kind-of-way but when we speak something negative it will stick with the person to whom we have said such careless words too. Remember to treat others the way that you want to be treated and to think before you speak. Your negative words are not a call for action.
Are your words motivating?
People do not want to better themselves or change to reflect your wants when you put them down. Maya Angelou said it best on an episode of Oprah, “You may not remember someone’s name, and you may not remember what they did to you, but you will always remember how they made you feel.”
Here is the question of the day? How do you make others feel? All you have to do is think about how their countenance is when they leave your presence. Is it better than when they came around you? If they were already excited and in a wonderful mood, did you help to keep them at the level of positivity that they came in with? Think about the people who you hang around.
Who do you ignore?
Everyone has at least two people who when they call you, you really don’t want to take their call. You may find them to be negative, or always speaking negative toward you. They are a real drag. When my brother would be mean to me and call me names, it hurt me and angered me to the point that I developed hatred for him. When you read the book, Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to Love, you will understand the dynamic of that relationship much better. For now, I will simply say that name calling even as “joning” as we call it here in DC is not a sign of a true friend.
If someone calls you a name are they really your friend?
In order for someone to “jone” on you, they have to actually find something wrong about you to point out in front of others. Does that sound like someone who is a true friend to you? Real friends take care of one another, think highly of one another and always look to lift one another up. If you are in a friendship where you are always being talked about, either to your face or behind your back by being called names that do not reflect how you see yourself, you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship.
Are you in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?
If you are around someone and you always find yourself questioning yourself because of how they treat you, and the names they call you, you are not in a healthy relationship. You may need to take a step back and be more open about your option to be their friend. Like TD Jakes said, there are some people who have come into your life because they want to see you win, some who come to see you lose and then, there are the ones that come into your life and don’t care if you win or lose because they love you.
If you are a victim of name calling, speak out, stand up for yourself. Ask the person to stop calling you names and describing you in a way that you do not want to be described. If you ask them to stop and they don’t you know that they are not worthy of your gift of friendship, or whatever kind of relationship that you have with them. Make the Ambassador decision and walk away.
- My Letter to My Mother – Overcoming Emotional Abuse (ressurrection.wordpress.com)