What are you really asking for?

Earlier in the year, I wrote about How to ask for what you really want. Over the last year or so, I have shared that I have a list. I believe everyone should have a list of non-negotiables that they will not compromise in a relationship and a part of the list that does identify their desires in the relationship.

I have had so many things on my list that at times, I have discouraged myself. I truly have the anthem that we have to become what we want. I don’t take that lightly. I think it’s a reasonable list but in the past I have come to realize that some of the things on the list may not go together. Much like in Proverbs 31, the woman is virtuous and possesses all of the superhero like qualities by the grace and direction of God, but not all at the same time necessarily!

A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with God and I don’t remember how we got on the subject but I remember he said this to me.

“You want all of this in one man, and you think that I have put all of this is one man just for you? Why wouldn’t I use him to minister and help others?”

This was profound revelation. You are probably wondering what it all means, and why I am sharing it with you. I seek to destroy any part of me that would try to make up God’s mind. I believe that there is a person out there specifically for each of us. Some people give up early, and some don’t even take the time to develop to be ready to receive “the one”.

I have had this long-standing agreement with myself that I would only date someone who was not a policeman, fireman or military. I also added “pastor”. Please do NOT misunderstand this blog. I am in no way insinuating that I am going to end up with a pastor. I am certainly NOT praying for it, AT ALL!

But, you may be wondering why that is on the list. Well, pastors lay their life down for their flock. God gives them words and although they still have a responsibility to their wives, and children (to take care of home), they have an extraordinary responsibility to pastor a church. For many who do not know, being a pastor is a lot more than being on the pulpit.

Being a pastor means that you must learn to properly counsel, and you have to be a businessman learning how to organize the way that God has ordained for your church to operate. He has to be a skillful CEO. Of course God sends the laborers to his churches, and so the Pastor does not do it alone, but there is a spiritual responsibility that the pastor has to his members and to God.

Having said that, I have read the five love languages several times. I have had group discussions and events surrounded around the book and I have taken the test myself. My primary love languages are quality time, and physical touch. They actually tied for first place.

Pastors don’t always have a lot of time, and often have to fit in quality time. You see how I’m figuring this thing out for God? Once God said the above mentioned to me, I had to repent because I do want someone who has an intimate relationship with God. I don’t feel like I’m sharing too much because honestly you can’t fake that. Now, that is one thing that a brother can not fake.

I encourage you today to have your list, fine tune your list, be clear about your desires and your non-negotiables but if God pricks your heart about something, make sure that you deal with it. That very thing that you may be fearful of, may be the thing that God is preparing you for. As I said, I am not against dating a pastor or someone who believes that he is called to pastor anymore. It doesn’t mean I will marry one ladies and gentlemen! It does however mean that I understand that what God was saying to me, is that with all the awesomeness wrapped up in the man of my dreams, God is not going to isolate his ministry to being married to me. He is going to use him to BE. Extraordinary!

I had no idea that I was thinking this way until God revealed it to me. I can fully support my husband call on his life (including ministry), and I receive whatever God has for me. The blessings of God are good. I am a good thing, and he will find favor with the Lord when he finds me.

Thank you for reading.

Ressurrection Graves



About Ressurrection

Ressurrection Graves is a Child Sexual Abuse Grooming Expert and H.E.A.L.E.R. (Healer, Educator, Activist, Life Skills Expert, Empowerment Speaker, Relationship Mentor) Her website reaches readership in 188 countries. She is available for national speaking engagements, radio and television interviews. She can be reached at: 202.717.7377 or send your request to: ressurrection dot wordpress at yahoo dot com or comment on http://www.ressurrection.wordpress.com
This entry was posted in Family Ties, Love, Relationships, Teen Dating Relationships: Violence and Emotional Wellness, The Power of Saying NO! and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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