I have been so busy that I haven’t had a second to get my thoughts together and write. I have been focused on book interviews via radio, television etc…
I went on a business trip that changed my life (again), and have been following up on all that amazingness. On the home front, I have shared in this blog my battles with homelessness and becoming stable (again).
While for some, there may be a chronic experience of homelessness due to a lack of vision, motivation and clarity; responsibility etc… I have discovered that all the adjectives and reasons can be considered opinions, and sometimes excuses.
What I know is that this book is released, it’s supposed to be doing better than it is in sales, and somehow I thought that this would be my way out. I do believe that it is changing, healing and saving lives, and I have the testimonies to prove it. But in the shadows I’m quietly praying, “Lord is an investor going to sign a deal with me this week? Will someone call and buy 100 books for various shelters, group homes, and prisons?”
I’m waiting with staggered breath for the end of homelessness and I’m worn out. My body aches with sharp pains. I appear strong because of who I am and whose I am, but I need a bed to sleep on. I am tired of long idle hours, and even longer hours in time to try to figure out where we will go.
I am grateful for every friend, every person that has supported me without diagnosing me. I don’t know why God hasn’t put me back on my feet yet I am without answers.
The other day, my daughter had this big test at school and she prayed. She believes that the test was extremely easy, much easier than she anticipated, and that her prayers helped her to achieve a great score on the important exam. After school, as we were talking, she said, “I can not understand how God would answer my prayer for a test but can’t find us a place to live.”
As water filled my eyes, I tried to open them wider as if to prolong the stream that would come down my face. I was speechless, and I am not one of those mothers to be speechless. I want an answer, but I did not have one.
I haven’t lost my faith at all, in fact I think more than anything my faith is in proper perspective. Where I live has nothing to do with my faith, or sin, or whatever other assumption a religious person may try to come up with.
It’s just as simple as my daughter said, if we can have a good grade on a test, we should have a place to live, to call our own.
I am tired. Not complaining at all, just genuinely tired and I feel fifty. I may not look it but that is how it feels inside of my body right now. I work everyday, but I’m definitely not paid on value.
I have run out of enthusiasm, and options and I’m just done with the idea that I have to be homeless another day. Some of you will pray because that is all that you can do. But if you know in your heart that you can do more, and you choose to “pray”, keep your prayers. When God had true compassion he healed the sick, and raised the dead for example. He did not allow someone to leave his presence the same.
I think it’s completely hilarious on God’s part that he has business friends calling me to mentor homeless people.
Not too many people if any read this blog so unless you have read the book at all, you have no idea that we are homeless.
But I know that God has called us all to live as Extraordinary, Supernatural beings in order to impact the lives of others. I want to be in a place where I can truly be of use without the limitations of my personal life.
I lost everything, whoop-te-freakin-do- I’m tired of the reminder myself. Hopefully this charade will end soon and we’ll see manifestation of the blessing of God in my life.
Thanks for reading.