Is LOVE synonymous with suffering?

This morning, I have had such a wonderful time in prayer. I logged on to facebook to dedicate a Jason Upton “Singing with the Angels- FLY” video to the world, and I was greeted by a Facebook status of a youth that is friends with me on my page. The youth is actually a family member. I was heartbroken to read her quote:

‎”To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness.”

She credits herself, in the comments section as having delivered this mini sermon to someone, however the way that it was put together for the status was delivered by the person she shared this with. However, you word this, I found it disturbing that she put in her status a comparison, and relationship between love and suffering.

I looked on the comments to see if there was anyone at all that expressed an issue, or challenged what I believe to be a misguided view of Love, and the last comment sort-of questioned the post. It seems to me, with teenage love, and mislove that love is often associated with pain, suffering and disappointment. This is exactly why I created a workshop for teens entitled,

“Teen Dating Relationships: Violence and Emotional Wellness”

You are probably wondering how I responded to her status, aren’t you? Well, here is what I said.

“Love has nothing to do with suffering, and suffering nothing to do with love. If you think this, you are in the wrong relationships. This status is crazy; real talk. If you need to talk call me but Love is GOD; GOD is LOVE and LOVE is a SPIRIT! If love is a spiritual thing, then it has nothing to do with “happiness”. To be happy is but for a moment; fleeting. But JOY is a spirit. JOY is a spiritual thing. Both LOVE and JOY defy earthly meaning and exist in the spiritual state from the heavenlies. LOVE is GOD HIMSELF and JOY is what you experience out of a relationship with LOVE. And JOY is your STRENGTH. I pray this helps.”


So, here is what I know. God love you and I. He loves you. He has given you all of who he is on the inside of you. He sent his son as a man, like us to show us the kind of power that we should walk in. The bible says that we would do what Jesus does, AND MORE. I know that LOVE is sacrificial in a reverential kind of way; not as related to pain, and suffering. Love, loves you. Love seeks to do you good. Love enjoys you, laughs with you, shines through you. If God and love be spiritual, what can naturally compare?

My heart aches for teenagers to have healthy relationships; to understand the dynamics of their kinship with others, and to create and maintain boundaries that make them feel capable, confident and empowered. I desire to take them higher, to atmospheres that help them to examine the relationships that they entertain now, and to imagine love through the life and existence of God.

While my workshops can speak from a biblical perspective, it is not a church service, or bible study, it is an interactive workshop where the teenagers enjoy an apple to apple approach to problem solving, meets “ask Ressurrection”.

I dedicate this song to you today, the Jason Upton song “FLY”. There is a very big difference between the natural and the spiritual realm. As babies, we get it. We are more pure; not tainted in faith or belief. We have developed an understanding of systems of religion, government or order. We are hear but seeing and existing in a pure state allowing us to easily see spiritual things.

As we get older, the more that we experience hurt and disappointment, our faith wavers. As teenagers, which is a very critical time for anyone to entertain a relationship because we are in discovery of who we are, it is important to be equipped with knowledge, wisdom, and a sense of the spiritual world. Our teenagers must reconnect with the completely immersed beings that they were when they saw angels before they could talk. And, while we are on the subject, we as adults have the same task, to step out of the natural world of what we see and to understand LOVE, in a spiritual way.

Love is not synonymous with suffering. You could say that Jesus suffered or sacrificed at the cross, but that too was natural realm experience. God’s view of himself is that he is the ONLY one, he is all knowing, all seeing, Alpha and Omega. He is the one in action, and in word.

Ressurrection Graves

My Letter to my Younger Self

About Ressurrection

Ressurrection Graves is a Child Sexual Abuse Grooming Expert and H.E.A.L.E.R. (Healer, Educator, Activist, Life Skills Expert, Empowerment Speaker, Relationship Mentor) Her website reaches readership in 188 countries. She is available for national speaking engagements, radio and television interviews. She can be reached at: 202.717.7377 or send your request to: ressurrection dot wordpress at yahoo dot com or comment on
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2 Responses to Is LOVE synonymous with suffering?

  1. Cameron Davis says:

    I would challenge your assertion that Love and Suffering are not normally linked in our current world. Do mothers suffer for their children? Do artists suffer when creating great works of art, art which they love? Did Jesus suffer for those He loved? Jesus instructed us to take up our cross and follow Him. Jesus said to love your enemies. Do enemies by definition cause suffering? Those whom The Lord loves, He disciplines. Is discipline pleasant?

    If a teenage girl is suffering, it is because she loves. If she did not love, she would not suffer because of it. I would say your young relative showed a great deal more wisdom than you on this particular issue.

    • Wow. I understand your mentality with the thoughts that you’ve provided above however, I do not believe that I have suffered by taking up my cross to follow Jesus. I do not believe that loving my enemies causes suffering. Suffering is not synonymous with love – period. Discipline is not the same definition as suffering. As an artist, I do not consider doing what I love, suffering even if I don’t get paid enough for it. The answer to your questions for me are no, we are not called to suffer in the name of love.

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