The Lifestyle of Homelessness I

I spent the greater part of last night searching for Tyler Perry interviews to find out just how long this brotha was homeless.

Many people make grandiose statements that explain my long suffering. They believe that it is the path to greatness, that my losses will not compare to my gain.

Tyler Perry said in one interview that he was homeless three months. I have been homeless more than two years. I have slept in cars, on floors, couches, and often not at all. I have pressed beyond what may be imaginable to some.

Tonight, my friend road me around to homeless shelters. We rolled up on them as if my phone calls were weak and surely they would not turn me away in my face. We ate, we talked, we drove to six or seven different places to find me a restroom to use one last time, before returning to my car.

At the shelter, there were people standing outside, scouring at me when I walked past them to seek a place to sleep. I know that had I been given such privilege, I may have had to fight for it. The staff, well informed told me to keep calling to see if I can get a bed. They would provide a chair only if it was raining outside. Lucky for me, it was only damp grounds and leftover raindrops that fell like tears on the cars outside.

My friend was determined not to leave me with the car, but no doors opened except the one parked with my things inside.

I am not depressed, I am not scared, I’m not hurting. I am numb besides this tightness in my chest that has been here for four days. My friend, she says that people just want to understand, they want answers to my situation. I said calmly, “It’s easy to understand.” I went on the explain that people who leave college and can’t find a job, go home.

Lifestyle of Homelessness

People who leave college, find a job and still can’t afford to live on their own go home. There are people who lose everything, and still have the option to go home. Like foster children, and people who are estranged from their families, or their families are not alive, I am not able to go home. Often, there are people who supplement their homelessness by getting a “man” or “woman”. Whether it is one, or more they play the game to stay warm.

But, there’s a cycle of abuse that may come from this choice. There are risks involved in this kind of compromise. And I am not willing to gain a whole new tragic situation to add to my list.

I have a friend who wrote a blog about me a while back entitled, “The new face of homelessness”. My question now is, am I just the new face of this epidemic, or have I parlayed my long suffering into a life style?

I see my situation as a lifestyle of homelessness. I could coach someone on how to be homeless and stay alive. Friends, that is a problem!

I mean who has ever heard of a person featured on television and radio, having great relationships, and extensive resume, and can’t get back on their feet? I thought I lost everything until a few days ago; last week to be exact. The car died and my daughter decided to move with her father as a last resort because I am drowning with no signs of a boat, plane or life jacket on the way.

There have been definite barriers to employment. The other day I went for a job interview at a Deli in Arlington. It was in a government building making $10 an hour. The hours are 7am-3pm. The husband and wife duo spent no more than three minutes talking to me about the position. They need someone to cook, clean, be flexible to make sandwiches or wash dishes. They are looking for someone who is pleasant. I smile all of the time, just say something, say anything and I smile. I’m kind of silly like that. I did not wear a suit, I wore all black, something characteristic of a server uniform. I wore nothing flashy. My hair was back and I did not offer my resume.

When I walked in, they spent the first thirty seconds saying that I looked so young. I didn’t disclose my age. In honor of his promise the husband called me today. He said, “We feel that you have too much experience, you are way overqualified and you deserve more than $10 an hour so we hired someone that we feel is more fitting of $10 range in pay.”

Is this a joke? Do I need to go on job interviews with a big sign held up by some string wrapped around my chin and neck to say, “I’m homeless, will work for $10 an hour?” I’m not surprised really, I saw this coming. My friend says that maybe I should have talked stupid and they would have hired me. Remember I didn’t wear a suit, and didn’t give a resume. I just talked!

Cracking the Code

I spent all last night trying to make the Tyler Perry connection because everyone says he overcame homelessness with his plays. So what do I do to make money?

I am the author of Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to love. I teach Ten Ways to Safeguard your Child from Sexual Abuse, The Power of Saying NO!, and What Love Does. All Trademarks of yours truly.

I get booked! People want me to come for free! I get tons of publicity and testimonials. I’d like to figure out what Tyler did to break through. Clearly he has entertainment plays and I offer awareness and healthy relationship campaigns which prove to be different. In every profession that I’ve focused on entrepreneurship, writing as an author and poet, and massage therapy, people want you to work for free. They want your gift but often complain that they can’t pay you.

I can talk to corporations on communication and workplace emotional abuse to say the least. I’m proud of Tyler for his story of perseverance, but I’d like my Tipping Point please! I’d like to crack the code.

I am living a lifestyle of homelessness now and its very sad, and although I don’t feel lonely, I do recognize that I am alone. I don’t want to talk about my family, read the book!

I feel like I’m being forced into a lifestyle that I have not chosen, and despite my consistent efforts, I am over qualified, disqualified, and anything but qualified to overcome this situation.

I really concerned with the sanity of some who try to offer me encouragement stating that this is “temporary”. This is a lot of things but temporary, not-so-much.

I’m in the car, squirming, in fantasy with a shower head spewing water out its neck onto my body. I want to close my eyes but, it will likely not happen tonight. Something’s going on inside of me. It feels like worry is in a physical fight with my chest and my intestines.

People see such greatness. I am dumb as hell at math right now because some teacher thought I was gifted, and instead of challenging me, they overlooked me and gave me an easy A. I wish people would stop telling me that I’m great and I’ll be fine. I am in a car that is loaded with 300 books, toilet paper, and all the clothes I own. I’m parked on a street because my car can’t move. I’m sleeping in my car! And I don’t see the end. This is not temporary, and it is not fine. Stop ignoring the obvious and giving me the easy A.

People won’t rest until I’m dead, then all the church people will start a healing line for me to be raised from the dead. Here’s what I know, I’m checking out, whether that’s comfortable conversation or not.

Enough does not seem to be enough, and I’m tired of talking. There’s nothing to pray about because God is here, he’s heals the blind, he’s not blind.

You May Also Like: How Ressurrection is Ending Homelessness

I’m not upset at anyone at all, but I will not live a lifestyle of homelessness. I will not become the guy boxing the air who everyone thinks is crazy or the woman laying under a blanket who has made DC Rats her friend while they nibble her, I mean bite her flesh at night. I’d rather quit than go crazy. And I doubt you want a crazy Ressurrection on the loose.

The lifestyle of homelessness… Wow! If I were ever in position like Joseph, I’d make effective changes that serve the home bound community instead of kicking them while they are down.

There seems to be trap doors that surround me, and even when they open they contain no treasure. I’m numb and as beautiful as I am inside out, I’m also decaying. I’ll keep smiling because that’s who I am. I’ll even keep fighting. But I know there will be a sudden blow, unexpected by all if I am not delivered from this lifestyle soon.

People are taking a hand-off approach, waiting for the Tyler Perry moment while I’m suffering inside. Hope deferred makes the heart sick.

You may not get it now, but you will!

-Ressurrection

About Ressurrection

Ressurrection Graves is a Child Sexual Abuse Grooming Expert and H.E.A.L.E.R. (Healer, Educator, Activist, Life Skills Expert, Empowerment Speaker, Relationship Mentor) Her website reaches readership in 188 countries. She is available for national speaking engagements, radio and television interviews. She can be reached at: 202.717.7377 or send your request to: ressurrection dot wordpress at yahoo dot com or comment on http://www.ressurrection.wordpress.com
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11 Responses to The Lifestyle of Homelessness I

  1. terranjordan says:

    Dear Sister in Christ:
    There are times when I simply read blogs, yet seldom respond. This is one of those rare moments. I first want to acknowledge that I started not to reply to such a potent blog. This may seem cliche-ish, but Res you are a very powerful individual, and sometimes, I don’t know if you know how powerful you really are. The impact that you are making in the earth in this generation is somewhat of a forerunner, like Moses. No, I’m not saying that your being homeless is the direction to where we as a human race is going. What I am saying is that your presence is “potent”, for lack of a more deserving word.

    I sit and think at times why we as a people talk a good talk, but never execute what we truely believe. The faith you have exihibited these past two years is commendable. The voice that you give to others is priceless. Finally, the zeal you embody is combustible. Why did I use the word ‘combustible’, you may ask. Well, in the words of John Wesley: “Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people with come for miles to watch you burn.” Some may disagree with my thoughts or opinions, but each is entitled to their own. I know greatness when I see it. I honor greatness when I know it.

    My sister, in your patience you gain the experience and hope, which in the end will not make you ashamed. I have no answers for your sitiuation & the only antidote I have ‘is’ prayer. I could tell you that I sympathize or even empathize with you. I won’t tell you either. You don’t need anyone’s sympathy & I could never know how you feel in your situation, although I can relate in some of the things that you have been through, and are going through.

    See, as stated in 1Corinthians 10:24, we should seek not our own, but another’s wealth. We as human beings are quick in judgement of one another (I include myself). We gripe & complain of our own tribulations which so efficaciously distract us from seeing what ‘we’ are able to do to help someone else in theirs.

    Believe it or not, you are the most successful person I know. Stay with me. Success is not defined on whether you have material gain or possessions. Real success is having the ‘intestinal fortitude’ to launch out in faith on something that you believe in, come hell or high water, in order to set a legacy of truth that will change not only the course of time, but how life in general is percieved.

    I wish with all by being that I could help you Res, like you continuously help me & so many others. Yes, you help me. I am strengthened by your boldness & might. Your lack of fear to face the unknown. Your persistence in being true to who you are. And yes, God see’s & he knows. I will keep you lifted up in prayer. I pray above all that you won’t allow your faith to be sabotaged by bitterness from life’s ciurcumstances. Remember, most of all, that GOD is sovereign and in his sovereignty he can not fail.

    God knows your ending, continue on in this process with expectation that the ending is greater than what you’ve expereicend. You are not forgotten. Stand firm. This is not the end, because the story can’t end like this. I’m here if you need to talk or if you need a listening ear.

    Love Always,

    Sis. Terran Jordan

  2. I haven’t responded to this yet because I’m not sure that I know how to. Tears come to mind. I wonder if people who commit suicide know the impact that their strength energizes those around them. I receive your words and it was exactly what I needed when it came through to my email. I am forced by an invisible something to press on just by the power of your words. And I thank you. Homeless people need more than prayer. They need compassion. Jesus would have compassion on people and he had the ability to come in and the completely change a situation around. I need that kind of power, whether God uses it to flow from me, or someone else. I don’t care how the miracle comes but prayer is not any good without action. You my dear have been amazing, and the power of your love comes through, so please note that I am speaking generally. I am being obedient in speaking as God has given me clear instructions to do so. I have also been obedient in the other things he has told me to do including the book. But I can not explain why I get such amazing reviews on this book, including from you, but it hasn’t sold at all on http://www.ressurrectiongraves.com I only sell when I perform. You would think that all of the many people who promised me or themselves to buy one, would have done so by now. It’s not okay. I’m not going to sugar coat my feelings and say it’s okay because it’s not. What I need is a release from heaven and for people to support what God is doing in my life. I work extremely hard even though I do not have a job. I have made looking for a job, and doing the will of God my full-time employment, and just like everyone else, I want to see income, provision, release as a result of my obedience. Instead it seems that I am falling deeper away from what I believe God wants for me. I don’t want to be encouraged. I want people to buy a book! I don’t want to be supported with warm thoughts, I want to be hired to come speak on the subjects that people are so eager for me to come speak on….. but for free! Just as anyone else wants to be honored for their gifts, and their work, so do I. I don’t want resources, I’m tired of resources. It’s not working because it’s not supposed to. I wish everyone else would get hip. You don’t go to work and look for a check from some other place do you? No, you don’t. You look for the return from where your planted. And that is what I’m looking for.

    My book, nor any of the subjects that I speak on are because it’s fun and I want to. It’s a calling; involuntary response to the entire other world on the inside of me that won’t let me rest until it is released into the earth in the capacity that the most high deems. It is no doubt for someone; mankind. Who it’s supposed to minister to, or how many is not my business but I know I haven’t seen the income that is supposed to flow from the product or the engagements as of yet.

    Thank you for your love.

    BE. Extraordinary,

    Ressurrection Graves

  3. Pingback: Suggestions for how to end Homelessness Part One | The Official BLOG site of Ressurrection Graves

  4. Pingback: Suggestions: Ten Ways for how to end homelessness, part two | The Official BLOG site of Ressurrection Graves

  5. Pingback: Could one find love if they are Homeless? | The Official BLOG site of Ressurrection Graves

  6. Pingback: Are you making LIFE decisions in Fear? | The Official BLOG site of Ressurrection Graves

  7. cameka israel says:

    Wow this story is really powerful.

  8. John l Watson says:

    Are you still homeless? If so if like to see what I can do to help change your circumstance.

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