I spent the greater part of last night searching for Tyler Perry interviews to find out just how long this brotha was homeless.
Many people make grandiose statements that explain my long suffering. They believe that it is the path to greatness, that my losses will not compare to my gain.
Tyler Perry said in one interview that he was homeless three months. I have been homeless more than two years. I have slept in cars, on floors, couches, and often not at all. I have pressed beyond what may be imaginable to some.
Tonight, my friend road me around to homeless shelters. We rolled up on them as if my phone calls were weak and surely they would not turn me away in my face. We ate, we talked, we drove to six or seven different places to find me a restroom to use one last time, before returning to my car.
At the shelter, there were people standing outside, scouring at me when I walked past them to seek a place to sleep. I know that had I been given such privilege, I may have had to fight for it. The staff, well informed told me to keep calling to see if I can get a bed. They would provide a chair only if it was raining outside. Lucky for me, it was only damp grounds and leftover raindrops that fell like tears on the cars outside.
My friend was determined not to leave me with the car, but no doors opened except the one parked with my things inside.
I am not depressed, I am not scared, I’m not hurting. I am numb besides this tightness in my chest that has been here for four days. My friend, she says that people just want to understand, they want answers to my situation. I said calmly, “It’s easy to understand.” I went on the explain that people who leave college and can’t find a job, go home.
Lifestyle of Homelessness
People who leave college, find a job and still can’t afford to live on their own go home. There are people who lose everything, and still have the option to go home. Like foster children, and people who are estranged from their families, or their families are not alive, I am not able to go home. Often, there are people who supplement their homelessness by getting a “man” or “woman”. Whether it is one, or more they play the game to stay warm.
But, there’s a cycle of abuse that may come from this choice. There are risks involved in this kind of compromise. And I am not willing to gain a whole new tragic situation to add to my list.
I have a friend who wrote a blog about me a while back entitled, “The new face of homelessness”. My question now is, am I just the new face of this epidemic, or have I parlayed my long suffering into a life style?
I see my situation as a lifestyle of homelessness. I could coach someone on how to be homeless and stay alive. Friends, that is a problem!
I mean who has ever heard of a person featured on television and radio, having great relationships, and extensive resume, and can’t get back on their feet? I thought I lost everything until a few days ago; last week to be exact. The car died and my daughter decided to move with her father as a last resort because I am drowning with no signs of a boat, plane or life jacket on the way.
There have been definite barriers to employment. The other day I went for a job interview at a Deli in Arlington. It was in a government building making $10 an hour. The hours are 7am-3pm. The husband and wife duo spent no more than three minutes talking to me about the position. They need someone to cook, clean, be flexible to make sandwiches or wash dishes. They are looking for someone who is pleasant. I smile all of the time, just say something, say anything and I smile. I’m kind of silly like that. I did not wear a suit, I wore all black, something characteristic of a server uniform. I wore nothing flashy. My hair was back and I did not offer my resume.
When I walked in, they spent the first thirty seconds saying that I looked so young. I didn’t disclose my age. In honor of his promise the husband called me today. He said, “We feel that you have too much experience, you are way overqualified and you deserve more than $10 an hour so we hired someone that we feel is more fitting of $10 range in pay.”
Is this a joke? Do I need to go on job interviews with a big sign held up by some string wrapped around my chin and neck to say, “I’m homeless, will work for $10 an hour?” I’m not surprised really, I saw this coming. My friend says that maybe I should have talked stupid and they would have hired me. Remember I didn’t wear a suit, and didn’t give a resume. I just talked!
Cracking the Code
I spent all last night trying to make the Tyler Perry connection because everyone says he overcame homelessness with his plays. So what do I do to make money?
I am the author of Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to love. I teach Ten Ways to Safeguard your Child from Sexual Abuse, The Power of Saying NO!, and What Love Does. All Trademarks of yours truly.
I get booked! People want me to come for free! I get tons of publicity and testimonials. I’d like to figure out what Tyler did to break through. Clearly he has entertainment plays and I offer awareness and healthy relationship campaigns which prove to be different. In every profession that I’ve focused on entrepreneurship, writing as an author and poet, and massage therapy, people want you to work for free. They want your gift but often complain that they can’t pay you.
I can talk to corporations on communication and workplace emotional abuse to say the least. I’m proud of Tyler for his story of perseverance, but I’d like my Tipping Point please! I’d like to crack the code.
I am living a lifestyle of homelessness now and its very sad, and although I don’t feel lonely, I do recognize that I am alone. I don’t want to talk about my family, read the book!
I feel like I’m being forced into a lifestyle that I have not chosen, and despite my consistent efforts, I am over qualified, disqualified, and anything but qualified to overcome this situation.
I really concerned with the sanity of some who try to offer me encouragement stating that this is “temporary”. This is a lot of things but temporary, not-so-much.
I’m in the car, squirming, in fantasy with a shower head spewing water out its neck onto my body. I want to close my eyes but, it will likely not happen tonight. Something’s going on inside of me. It feels like worry is in a physical fight with my chest and my intestines.
People see such greatness. I am dumb as hell at math right now because some teacher thought I was gifted, and instead of challenging me, they overlooked me and gave me an easy A. I wish people would stop telling me that I’m great and I’ll be fine. I am in a car that is loaded with 300 books, toilet paper, and all the clothes I own. I’m parked on a street because my car can’t move. I’m sleeping in my car! And I don’t see the end. This is not temporary, and it is not fine. Stop ignoring the obvious and giving me the easy A.
People won’t rest until I’m dead, then all the church people will start a healing line for me to be raised from the dead. Here’s what I know, I’m checking out, whether that’s comfortable conversation or not.
Enough does not seem to be enough, and I’m tired of talking. There’s nothing to pray about because God is here, he’s heals the blind, he’s not blind.
You May Also Like: How Ressurrection is Ending Homelessness
I’m not upset at anyone at all, but I will not live a lifestyle of homelessness. I will not become the guy boxing the air who everyone thinks is crazy or the woman laying under a blanket who has made DC Rats her friend while they nibble her, I mean bite her flesh at night. I’d rather quit than go crazy. And I doubt you want a crazy Ressurrection on the loose.
The lifestyle of homelessness… Wow! If I were ever in position like Joseph, I’d make effective changes that serve the home bound community instead of kicking them while they are down.
There seems to be trap doors that surround me, and even when they open they contain no treasure. I’m numb and as beautiful as I am inside out, I’m also decaying. I’ll keep smiling because that’s who I am. I’ll even keep fighting. But I know there will be a sudden blow, unexpected by all if I am not delivered from this lifestyle soon.
People are taking a hand-off approach, waiting for the Tyler Perry moment while I’m suffering inside. Hope deferred makes the heart sick.
You may not get it now, but you will!
- Did Tyler Perry pressure the victim from Penn State to testify in his Open Letter? (ressurrection.wordpress.com)
- Spending the Night with Tyler Perry and the Lifestyle of Homelessness with Ressurrection Graves (ressurrection.wordpress.com)