There is no sleeping for this beauty. I’m up tonight, tired but trying to make myself do positive things that out-way my circumstances to keep myself alive.
Last night’s post was alarming. The truth isn’t always pretty or comfortable. A part of me has already forfeited the journey. Its been long and uneasy the entire way. The constant probing; a search for answers by those who’d like to somehow understand.
This morning, I ran across a website called the National Coalition for the Homeless. They have a Faces of Homelessness Speaker’s Bureau. What an “ah ha” moment that followed. I’m thinking, I can do that! I have lived this. I can talk about it til it comes out of my ears in green goo!
So, I sent them an email, and I got to thinking about how I term my situation as one that has become an involuntary lifestyle. For example, your body knows where you’ll be at 6am. And it also knows when it will want to eliminate waste. For a homeless person, the last thing we live on or are most concerned about is keeping perfect time. While we may want to develop some level of routine, hence the “lifestyle” connotation, the truth is, I had to use the bathroom when I woke up in my non-working car this morning. I walked toward stores knowing none of them offered public restrooms. I got on the bus that just so happened to pass by, and it was headed in the direction of my daughter’s whereabouts. I planned to go to the community center nearby, but it was not open.
Let’s Get Wasted
It wasn’t until nine hours later that I was able to use the bathroom as I actually needed too. And please don’t use your imagination. My point is, this seems like a minor detail but living a lifestyle that is homeless seems hopeless. It goes beyond despair and depression, it become a much deeper memoir written in your core.
I think writing is keeping me sane, God is keeping me alert because of my spiritual flow inwardly, and my friends keep me focused like a boxer being slapped by the coach, drowned by spitting water bottles by assistants, and screaming antics by onlookers.
This is the craziest most disheartening experience of my life. It is so much deeper than embarrassment. I could care less who knows, as long as not one more person asks the dumb elephant question in the room about my families intervention. Asking a homeless person lists of questions about people is as insensitive and ignorant as asking a grieving person about how they “feel” when someone dies.
Speaking about Homelessness
I think I could talk about homelessness indeed. I believe I could provide some common answers to this incomprehensible epidemic that seems to be ignored when it doesn’t apply to you. I could offer solutions for supporting someone homeless, and giving them the support they need.
One of the most disrespectful things a person did to me a while back was make me feel so unwelcome that my daughter and I stayed six days instead of the twelve offered. But that wasn’t the disrespectful part: we hustled our way into an apartment that I knew I couldn’t afford and we were quickly put out. This was our option at the time. The person came back and said “You got that apartment so fast because of my tough love”. I never told her what was really going on. She was too busy congratulating herself.
I spent much of today applying for jobs, from a media related communications angle. I can’t hide my skills and I think its dumb to. I’m not going to make my resume look less valuable, but I am open to try to simplify it and tailor it to specific communications specialist positions. I believe that is where I belong. I’ve tried it before, but I’ll do it again.
As I wrote my cover letter today, something seemed missing and I kept being reminded of this mornings Speaker’s Bureau find for Homelessness.
“I began to write. My name is Ressurrection Graves, Author of Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to Love. I speak on three main topics:
After sending out several resumes, and feeling like something was missing, it came to me. Below is the revised beginning of my cover letter!
“My name is Ressurrection Graves, author of Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to Love. I speak on four main subjects:
- Ten Ways to Safeguard your Child from Sexual Abuse,
- The Power of Saying NO!,
- Teen Dating Relationships: Violence and Emotional Wellness and
- Longsuffering: The face and lifestyle of Homelessness.
There it is! I’ve been writing about it in my blog, I cover it in my book with chapter “Compassion” and others, and I feel like I’m going to explode if another person who has never been homeless tells me what goals I should have, how I should feel, or, if another Christian tells me how I should pray and how God “should” be moving.
Longsuffering: The Face and Lifestyle of Homelessness
It felt completely natural to write that I will now speak on the subject of homelessness. At this point I only keep it from people that I don’t feel like answering unnecessary answers too. I want things to change, and I pray that they do before I completely check out.
I’m not saying that my speaking will be motivational, although I am the type of person to find encouragement in a leaf outside with a drop of dew in the middle of famine. I don’t really feel motivational sort-to-speak, especially because of the state of my own situation, but I’m sure that while I have it stirred in me, I can change the perception of homelessness to create lasting solutions for those who come behind me.
It seems like its getting worse, and then some amazing business calling shows up. I know now that people are called to Entrepreneurship! This is not something that you think is just cool to do. It is this force like God that has its whole body on your back like your man down low posting up to ask for the basketball. The body pressuring you, pushing you into this fight or flight mode that compels you to win aggressively. Rough analogy or not, I don’t have a choice to be who I am, and the last leg of my homelessness is the ability to do that in a way that irresistibly brings money, resources, and provision to me perpetually.
Will I learn this before the buzzer rings, and the clocks stop? At this rate, who knows, but should I walk out of this as a Champion, I desire to do so completely unscathed.
- The Working Homeless – Becky Blanton Tells Her Audience Why All People Have Value (TrendHunter.com) (trendhunter.com)
- Where Have All The Homeless People Gone? (ibtimes.com)
- Poem about Religion(s) & Jesus! (homelessnessinsavannah.wordpress.com)
- A reality we hope you don’t have to deal with: Homelessness sometimes just a small emergency away (homelessnessinsavannah.wordpress.com)
- Students do an excellent job of telling what homelessness is like! More to come from Savannah’s students too! (homelessnessinsavannah.wordpress.com)
- Cruel Winter: What NYC Homeless Must Do to Survive (newyork.ibtimes.com)
- Letters from a Homeless Teen Series Part 8 (thankgodfortheshelter.com)
- Former shelter resident, entrepreneur now advocates for homeless | savannahnow.com (homelessnessinsavannah.wordpress.com)