Here goes that “L” word again!

How many times have someone that you’re dating told you that they LOVED you? I mean really? How many times have a friend come into your life and said that you are their BFF and used the word love to describe friendship?

I don’t know if it is the effects of my last relationship or the turning of age that has gotten me to violently reject the “L” word when I know it is not warranted.

I have heard I love you after the first date, and usually within the first two weeks (more like 7 days) of any courtship I’ve ever had.

For many people, love is now used as a term of endearment rather than holy, righteous, majestic life force that it is. I now understand that many men that have gone on a date with me or those who have been privileged to be my man, have experienced euphoric emotions that make them believe that they are falling for me. What can I say, it’s a gift!

They say they love me, but they don’t know me. And it doesn’t require me to love them! In my last relationship, (talked about in Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to Love) he said I was “The One”, he said, “God told him”. He was actually the first brotha to make his profession of love so spiritual, or at least believably spiritual.

Yesterday on Facebook, Victorius Hall asked a question in his status, “What is the definition of Love?” Well, you know I jumped right on that! I said, “I LOVE this question. Love is God. God is Love. God is a spirit. THEREFORE… LOVE IS a spirit; a spiritual experience. And just like we CHOOSE God… we can CHOOSE Love. Love is not a feeling. Love is literally GOD! I Love love…. :)”

And then someone else responded and mentioned that love hurts. That scared me honestly, because I don’t believe that and when you believe that you can become vulnerable to abuses by the person that you believe is acting in love when they hurt you.

So I responded once more, “Love doesn’t make you cry. Love doesn’t hurt. That’s not love. And Love doesn’t control you. Your mind does. We think, then we choose to act on our emotions. Love is pure; a choice; it is not conflicted but clear and whole. Love is beautiful. #Godislove”

I want to encourage you to take a moment and spend time with Love. When you do, you’ll only allow what is identical to Love to profess anything to you.

People say I love you but Love is an action word. So what are you doing? Is there evidence? And this could be tricky for young people or someone who hasn’t paid attention so I will leave one tip.

Maya Angelou says, “When people show you who they are, believe them!”

If we apply this principle to both positive and negative we can see the whole picture.

Here’s the example:

If you’re dating a man, and he’s a player, you can’t say that he “loves” you because he buys you things. He just may be a giver! Just because he’s a giver doesn’t mean that he’s NOT a player. And the gifts that he buys you bears no evidence of his love because that is just who he is!

Another Example:

You may think a woman loves you because she cooks for you. Well, if you’re hungry I will feed you because that’s who I am, but to actually prepare a meal for you, like on purpose with you in mind, for your taste bud’s delight, you are right. I have to be in the clouds somewhere for that to happen.

However, one of my closest friends always wins men over with her cooking. I’m not talking about her skills, I’m talking about the fact that she’ll cook a huge dinner with 4-5 courses including cornbread etc….

I’ve seen her do this for years, and I just look at her, and look at how happy he is to eat a full meal like that, and I say, “Got em’!”

Here’s my point: They (the men) think they are something special, but that is just who she is! Her cooking for you is not an indication of Love.

Just be careful because you’ll only know someone’s traits by seeing how they treat others around them and that kind of dating where you are invited to functions take time, in most cases.

If you’re 28 and over, I would be concerned if you get to meet everybody in their life right away, including children.

Oooh, I have relationship tips believe me! I’m just not married yet so I keep all the wisdom in, until that beautiful day when “the one” who can’t live without me shows up!

The point of today, you ask? To encourage you to use wisdom in your acceptance of someone’s “Love”.

I just had a gentleman saying he loved me five times a day, and said it was okay that I didn’t say it back. Then, He flipped out and showed me who he is, “A crazy person”, so I ran like hell! I’m too old for crazy! In the middle of his anger he said, “I don’t love you.” It was rude but funny. I was like, “Well I knew that.” But I didn’t tell him to say that to me, everyday, over and over again.

Whether you want to say that most men lie, or that they don’t know what love is separated from emotion is up to you. I hope the information I’ve shared proves to be useful in your dating and friendship experiences.

BE. Extraordinary,

– Ressurrection

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About Ressurrection

Ressurrection Graves is a Child Sexual Abuse Grooming Expert and H.E.A.L.E.R. (Healer, Educator, Activist, Life Skills Expert, Empowerment Speaker, Relationship Mentor) Her website reaches readership in 188 countries. She is available for national speaking engagements, radio and television interviews. She can be reached at: 202.717.7377 or send your request to: ressurrection dot wordpress at yahoo dot com or comment on
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1 Response to Here goes that “L” word again!

  1. Pingback: Are you paying love attention in the right place? | The Official BLOG site of Ressurrection Graves

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