Are you ready to Meet the Fockers?
Holidays are usually the time when the pressure is on. You are either important or you’re not. You have either been with your significant other long enough to meet the parents or they are dreading the holiday conversations. If it has been three months or more, you need to know if the relationship is going anywhere, right? So… let’s meet the family!
Okay maybe not the Fockers. Are you meeting the parents over the Holidays? Or, are your parents meeting his parents over the holidays? If I were to have your best friend call you and tell you that they had the same experience as GayLord in Meet the Fockers, you’d tell him to run, run like Forest Gump!!!
I’ve had some pretty interesting first time meetings. When I was a teenager, the mother of my then boyfriend that we’ll call Wolf, opened the door and said, “So is this that Bitch that you’ve been telling me about?” I was livid, and unfortunately scarred for life. I tell of this delightful story in my memoir, Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to Love
Add in a few more crazy mothers who called me names, and you better believe that I prayed to either like the mother of my husband-to-be or requested that she not even be in the picture! Sound mean? No, it sounds real!
She could live out of town, or be in heaven, there’s all kinds of options, and I’m certainly not wishing anything on anyone. I put that on my prayer list for God to know that this is a non-negotiable for me.
Oh Lord! Did I scare you? This is not written to scare you. My horror stories have long passed, and I believe that the one that is my husband will have a mother that I love, and she love me. I don’t need a new mother but I do need Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas’, and for my husband to feel a sense of joy when were both in the same room.
So, I have met this beautiful man who loves me, and I love him. He met my mother and closest friends. On Thanksgiving, I met his mom and some of her siblings, cousins etc. I was very nervous, but I felt like I needed to. I needed to know if she was going to “GO H.A.M.” as the trendy slang goes.
So, I went and it was even less scary than I expected. I’m going for Christmas where I’m told a hundred people will be there. I’m going to hide in a corner I’m sure.
Okay so maybe I am not the one to write this blog because I have issues with Meeting The Parents.
Here are a few tips that I can offer.
Let me know if they work!
1. Take someone with you. For me, it was my daughter. She is a teenager so when I felt scared or uncomfortable, I turned to a familiar face.
2. If the conversation doesn’t apply to you, be quiet! I do this anyway but sometimes in this situation, families can choose to catch up on other people in the family. One question can turn into two hours. Its not your business or your concern. At least they feel comfortable enough to talk in front of you. Find a television show until their done. Listening to their conversation-if personal could come across as rude also.
Other posts encourage you to engage, lean in, seem interested but I only support this avenue if the conversation includes you.
3. Be yourself in a composed manner. If you make jokes because you’re nervous, don’t! Just chill- relax, and allow the conversations to manifest as they may.
4. Your mate-to-be, should make you feel comfortable. He/She will introduce you to whom he/she is comfortable and whom he/she feels is significant to meet at that time.
5. If he/she is not the one, or if the relationship is under stress, don’t go- this will come through. And you should only go if they have invited you, not after you’ve complained that you haven’t met their family yet.
Oh and here’s a Bonus!
You are probably wondering what to wear. My personal advice would be to wear something that says something about you. Don’t try to please them by wearing something that will make you feel uncomfortable. If you always dress down, perhaps you will want to step it up if they are corporate people. However, you will speak better, and flow more freely in your connections if you wear something that they will find adorable, and you will find comfortable. At the very least be clean, have your hair out of your face, a color that accents your complexion and a bright smile.
I sincerely hope that you have gained some support and confidence. I hope these tips help you to make wise choices whether you attend your mate-to-be’s family gathering or not.
May your Holidays be blessed richly.
- Beating the Holiday Blues (ressurrection.wordpress.com)