How do I get out a Controlling Relationship

After continuous conversations in my head telling me to let him go I finally gained enough strength to do it. I thought about the possibilities of him getting physical with me but I took my chances.

It all started about eight months ago when I first met Cobie in school. My first impression was wow I remember him from when I was younger, he was always so angry. But of course I set those feelings aside just telling myself not to be judgmental of others.

We talked for about six months before he actually asked me to be his girlfriend. When he asked I really didn’t know what to say, more so I wanted to say I need time to think about it. Instead I just immediately replied with a sudden yes.

Each month we were together I ended breaking up with him for some reason or another. So the question is, how did we continue an eight month relationship? Well it wasn’t easy in fact he just typically persuaded me into thinking he was going to change or he was worth being in a relationship with me. He showed some sort of change but it was barely enough to keep my mouth shut.

The craziest thing about the whole situation is my motto is, “Don’t sit around waiting for a man to change” but yet I waited eight months. I’m not hard on myself because I was in such a serious and controlling relationship at such a young age but I’m taking this as a learning experience and a story to help other young teens to protect themselves and pay attention to the signs right before their eyes.

                Some signs that you are in a controlling relationship are:

Beginning to isolate you away from friends and family      

A  good example of this, is if you are in a relationship where your boyfriend/girlfriend tries to control who you spend time with or talk to.

Causing you to apologize for questioning his/ her  authority  

If you and your boyfriend/girlfriend are talking and he/she demands that you spend your entire weekend with him/her and you say decline, often times a controlling partner will make you feel the need to apologize for “disrespecting” him/her.

Putting  marks on your body to indicate you are “ his or her partner”

Many young relationships are solidified by groups of peers who look for signs that you belong to each other. If you break up, they want to know and interrogate you as if you owe them explanation. By putting a hickey on you whether visible to others, or not is a sign of control and he/she is marking their territory.

Putting you before anything in their life

If your partner plays a sport and has gotten offers from other local high schools to play and decides to stay at the school because he doesn’t want your relationship to dissipate, or for any other guys to try and talk to you.

Telling you, you can not participate in certain activities

If you enjoy playing a certain sport and he tells you to spend more time with him and the sport is coming between your relationship. This happens to girls and boys.

If you are experiencing any of the above signs I suggest that you either have a conversation with your partner or either get out of the relationship before matters get worse.

Thank you,

Dae’Jah Cymone

Teenage Contributor

About Ressurrection

Ressurrection Graves is a Child Sexual Abuse Grooming Expert and H.E.A.L.E.R. (Healer, Educator, Activist, Life Skills Expert, Empowerment Speaker, Relationship Mentor) Her website reaches readership in 188 countries. She is available for national speaking engagements, radio and television interviews. She can be reached at: 202.717.7377 or send your request to: ressurrection dot wordpress at yahoo dot com or comment on
This entry was posted in Relationships, Teen Dating Relationships: Violence and Emotional Wellness, The Power of Saying NO! and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to How do I get out a Controlling Relationship

  1. James says:

    Hi Ressurrection,
    Thanks for the above, Reveal the romantic relationship around variability and the selection of genes controlling a trait, i.e., monohybrid and polygenic inheritance
    BTW great blogpost

    • Thank you so much. Hmmmm will have to think about writing a blog on the subject. This particular post was written by a teen contributor however, I am interested in further discussion of dynamic connections.

  2. Sally says:

    G’Day! Ressurrection,
    Maybe a little off topic, however, Someone I deeply treatment about is in an particularly controlling partnership…I feel she is aware it but is worried to admit it to anybody else. I want to support her get guide and out of the romantic relationship. I myself am a survivor of domestic violence so I know how tricky it is to technique the issue. Anything would facilitate. And we are in varying states, nowhere around each individual other…

  3. Carol Young says:

    It is great that you are taking your experience of being in a controlling relationship and using what you learned to help others. I was also in a controlling relationship. I should have seen the signs and left but I was very hesitant to confide in others. I finally looked for ways to get out of my abusive relationship and I came across great websites like that give you ways to leave. Any girl looking to get out of this type of relationship should check the website out.

  4. Pingback: Get Him Back – Find Out The Most Useful Methods Proven To Help You In Winning Back Your Man

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