RE: Matrimony, Who should Pop the Question?

Here we are, around the beginning of the year where everyone wants to start new with resolutions, relationships, and many wanting to move ahead in their relationship. Some of you are tired of waiting for the ring, and in 2012 you’re ready to pop the question yourself.

Sometimes I feel like I want to do that, and then I wake up. I am old-fashioned, traditional I guess you would say. I kind of dislike those terms because it gives the image that I like to wear bonnets, and long skirts with dirty black boots – sweating through my see through material. This is not a sexy look for me.

I believe that women and men were created equally different. Equally different is certainly a name that I just created, so remember to credit me. When I say equally different, I mean that we are created to be equal in voting rights, ministry, and matters that allow both men and women to make decisions. We are capable and scientifically noted for being smarter than boys. I like to always pretend that my boyfriends are smarter than me- well, the ones who weren’t anyway.

Popping the Question

When it comes to popping the question however, I believe that should be reserved for a man. I like men with back bones, and one thing that I am certain about is that a man who has a backbone will pop the question when he is ready. Of course, you should check it with one another to see where each other fit into your futures but, I believe that the man should be the one to actually buy a ring and get on one knee.

When a man pops the question he is absolutely sure that this is the person he wants to be with, and even if he’s not, you have the opportunity to respond. But most men, real men who would make a great husband and father would pop the question when he is ready.

Speaking of love, I know exactly the time frame that I will be asked by my love. Am I tempted to say it first, you ask? Of course, but my next point is that many times women are indeed more emotional than men. Men know how to make a decision practical whereas, we as women do have our lists, we fall in love quicker- even if we don’t want them to know we love them, and we are also quicker to respond in situations with emotion as well.

I’ve heard somewhere that women are premeditated, but I personally believe that men are much more premeditative than women. Men anticipate questions that we’ll ask even if they act surprised or frustrated.

Is this person the one?

I think less important than who is going to pop the question is, should anyone pop the question. I want to know how you know that he is the one for you (women) if you intend to pop the question. Some people will argue that because men and women are equal, popping the question is a progressive move sighting that some men are shy or fearful of rejection.

So, do you want a man that is afraid to ask you important questions after you are married? I mean, if he is that fearful of asserting himself, will he even tell you that he’s not ready to get married? Will he spare you the rejection, but spend your years until the relationship falls apart?

PreMarital Counseling

I wrote a blog a few weeks ago about how I believe that people should attend pre marital counseling sessions before anyone pops the question. I think that instead of saying that women should be able to pop the question, as a way to give her power, we should examine where the power is needed. I believe the power is needed in assessing the entire relationship. In the counseling sessions, all parties get to put everything on the table in order to examine their true relationship, and to examine whether this person is indeed the one for them.

In the past women would wait, and hope, and pray that one day the guy would choose her and she would be surprised by the engagement proposal under a beautiful moon or in a stadium full of people, or in front a room full of friends and family.

Instead I question this process, and believe that couples who decide that they are thinking of marrying each other should immediately go to pre marital counseling. Who wants to be in long committed relationships with people who are not the right fit? No one, so people say, but many people stick around because they think it is easier to stay in the situation than to be brave and wait for what God’s best is for them.

In conclusion, as far as popping the question, I still think it is a man’s world. I also believe that if you feel like you need to keep bringing it up or you need to convince him, he is not the one. A man who loves you, and trusts you cannot live without you, period. In other words, he will not go and jump off of a cliff if you walk away because that is a bit unstable, but if he had a choice to be with you or walk away, he would be with you and give you the gift of his love, affection, and look forward to sharing life’s adventures with you and only you.

My premarital counseling blog received a lot of hits, and was forwarded (shared) all over the place. Make sure you take a moment to check it out below.

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About Ressurrection

Ressurrection Graves is a Child Sexual Abuse Grooming Expert and H.E.A.L.E.R. (Healer, Educator, Activist, Life Skills Expert, Empowerment Speaker, Relationship Mentor) Her website reaches readership in 188 countries. She is available for national speaking engagements, radio and television interviews. She can be reached at: 202.717.7377 or send your request to: ressurrection dot wordpress at yahoo dot com or comment on
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1 Response to RE: Matrimony, Who should Pop the Question?

  1. Pingback: A Man’s Gift Makes Room For Him, Brings Him Before Great Men, and then what? | The Official BLOG site of Ressurrection Graves

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