I Did Not Know My Own Strength

In light of Whitney Houston’s death, I want to share with you why her last album saved my life. I was homeless, sleeping in my car. My home had foreclosed, my business was closed and the key had been turned into the building owners. I left most of my possessions inside. I was living out of my car – and hiding it.

I knew that I was living under false security; un-tried love of those who proclaimed during good times that I was an inspiration. But would they be inspired to help me. One of the challenges of helping someone is understanding that we do not control when they overcome. Some of us come in and plant, someone else waters, but no matter what situation we are talking about, I do believe that God always gets the increase.

Whitney Houston, who died yesterday, teamed up with Clive Davis and produced a new album in 2009. She cleaned up, fit her beautiful self into tight dresses and applied make-up. The world that had once been angry with her for falling, was rising again in her awakening.

For me, “I Look To You“, which was a smash hit- was not just another song. It was a song, that came on the radio one day that stopped me. My entire body, mind and spirit went into a transcending angelic like spiritual travel through the lyrics, breath and vision of this song. I was in a desperate place praying that God could save me from despair. You don’t know what homeless feels like until you’re homeless with no one to count on or turn to.

I heard this song, and immediately broke down. I was trying to figure out who in the world this was singing. I do not really follow news, and of course during this time I was unable to anyway. I did not know about Whitney Houston’s new album or this song. So when it came on out of the blue, I kept saying, “Man that sounds like Whitney Houston. No it doesn’t. That sounds like Whitney – her expressions are still present, but her voice is deep; different.”

I was then taken up into the song finding myself on the same ledge as she, and inspired to fly instead of fall, to keep fighting and though I be broken-hearted, I was not built to break.

I heard I look to you, and then watched the below episode of Oprah where she sang, her release “I Didn’t My Own Strength”. When I heard this song, I was empowered. I felt like Samson going to take down a whole kingdom with my bare hands. I look my pain, my life, and my homelessness in the face and said, “I am not built to break.”

Whitney Houston does not know it, but my fall too was great. I was at a place of confusion about my purpose and questioning whether my being here even mattered. My book of memoir explains my thought processes and how homelessness affected me. It was so hard for me to come to the truth about relationships that I had presumed were genuine.

To everyone who has been sexually abused, homeless, abandoned by family, felt unloved or powerless. To everyone who is in the middle of your story and it is writing itself, I say to you, that YOU are not built to break. Just as God himself created our bodies to heal themselves, he too created us spiritually and emotionally to be able to endure the toughest situations and overcome them. We do not all have the same story, and for good reason. So this is not a comparative lesson. However, I want to take a moment of silence for you to listen to Whitney, without critiquing her performance or remembering her when she was at her worst. I want you to see her Resurrection, and then see yourself overcoming emotional and child sexual abuse; homelessness; fear, anxiety, joylessness or depression; hopelessness.

See yourself and began to whisper, “I AM NOT BUILT TO BREAK!” Come on, you can do better than that. Say it, “I AM NOT BUILT TO BREAK!” You may not have known your own strength, but God never doubted you.

Thank you Whitney. May you rest in Peace.

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