Wishy-Washy Friends: Dismiss them or Keep them

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them”-Dr. Maya Angelou

This quote appears far too often in my life in fact I think because it is something I base my morals and beliefs off of.  It is my challenger. Along with entering in the New Year, I’ve dealt with some crap that I should not have. That quote saying when someone shows you who they are believe them is so true. At first when you think about it, you really think because the quote is so self explanatory . I’ve had this “friend” that I began hanging out with again (always remember why you and that person stopped talking or hanging out the reason typically comes back up when you all reconnect) and we both had recently broken up with our boyfriends and so we considered ourselves to be strong black girls who got it going on.

Well she decided to get a new boyfriend that she honestly didn’t like but she just needed a rebound while, I remained single. Well long story short my ex and I began talking again… No it wasn’t a “good look” but things happen and you learn from them. Any who when I got back to school she and I were still cool as normal but then she saw me and my ex talking in the hallway. She looked up at me mumbled the word “awk ,” which is short for awkward, and then kept going. After that I didn’t think our friendship changed I just thought she didn’t approve of me and him talking.

So then the next day I spoke, she waved. The day after that I spoke and she didn’t say anything back she just looked at me. So me and my no tolerance for wishy-washy attitudes self just kept it moving. Unfortunately I made the assumption that she didn’t want to talk to me but hey that was apparent so? I didn’t know if she was going to approach me and let me know her feelings or not. But of course she didn’t.

So this story gets even more awkward. On Valentine’s Day morning, I get a 7am text saying Happy Valentine’s Day Dae’Jah. With one eye half way open I began to stare at the contact name and chuckled. I couldn’t believe this is the same girl who was my “BFF” a month ago but now won’t even look my way in the hallway, texting me? I could care less about the fact that she wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day but more so that she took the time out to send me that message.

So then on February 16th her boyfriend messaged me via a social network and said “your friend broke up with me” and I responded with why and he said “ask her” , I then told him we don’t talk anymore and he said “oh yeah she said you stopped talking to her.” In my head I was saying Huh? What? Then I replied with I guess! I’m not going to make any assumptions, if she’d like to mend our friendship in which she stopped communicating with me, that’s fine.

The key is not to make any assumptions but in fact play it cool until he/she confronts you with the issues and if they don’t and you desire to go head and confront them, just make sure you’re honest and up front with how you feel .

I say all this to say this has happened with this same friend before that’s why I haven’t contacted her to say anything as it relates to our friendship. I had no reason to stop talking to her and the only legitimate reason why she would stop talking to me is because of her opinion about my ex, and I talking again. But we don’t even talk anymore!

Dae’Jah Cymone

Teen Contributor

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Word from Ressurrection

Our Teenage Contributor has put made a valid point, that often times we ignore the behaviors of those that we allow in our inner circle. Some times the actions that people who claim to care about us show, are unsupportive abandonment. In the teenage realm of friendship and as adults, let’s face it, people are often very unfaithful and it is challenging to find true love. I encourage you to remember this Dr. Maya Angelou quote. Dae’Jah Cymone probably feels like she hears it so much because I use it as a personal barometer of my relationships with others.

About Ressurrection

Ressurrection Graves is a Child Sexual Abuse Grooming Expert and H.E.A.L.E.R. (Healer, Educator, Activist, Life Skills Expert, Empowerment Speaker, Relationship Mentor) Her website reaches readership in 188 countries. She is available for national speaking engagements, radio and television interviews. She can be reached at: 202.717.7377 or send your request to: ressurrection dot wordpress at yahoo dot com or comment on http://www.ressurrection.wordpress.com
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