Here is what Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia says grooming is:
Child grooming involves psychological manipulation in the form of positive reinforcement and foot-in-the-door tactics, using activities that are typically legal but later lead to illegal activities. This is done to gain the child’s trust as well as the trust of those responsible for the child’s well-being. Additionally, a trusting relationship with the family means the child’s parents are less likely to believe potential accusations.
In the case of sexual grooming, child pornography images are often shown to the child as part of the grooming process.
Grooming is what was alleged in the Eddie Long case with the boys who received gifts, and lavish lifestyle as a result of Eddie Long’s tactics to gain the children and their parents trust. We do not know the intimate details however, I want to comment on the public spectacle that many people made of one of the most important parts of this situation.
Grooming is exactly what he was accused of, and while manipulation or grooming as we are calling it in the child sexual abuse world, is not itself a crime, predators gain trust through the child’s weakness. If the child is poor, money and things often will gain their attention. If the child lacks confidence the predator will speak words into their ear that offer confidence, in a way that makes them credited and trusted singularly. The children will come to depend on the predator to fulfill a void or weakness.
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When the predator’s intention is to groom the child to perform and engage in sexual misconduct and actions that are illegal, the term grooming applies. If I give your child a $1 every time I see them out of love, that is not grooming. It is the intention behind the act displayed by the predator. It is the hunting that the predator enjoys. Most times predators are simultaneously building trust with the parents or caregivers of the child as well, appealing to their weaknesses.
I use Eddie Long as an example because people were flabbergasted by the idea that their was a pay out to the children/men who had suffered abuse at the hand of Eddie Long. It is highly unlikely that children who have grown up in the church with moral consciousness, and an aptitude for the word of god, would conjure a lie as a group and set out to ruin Eddie Long’s reputation by also ruining their own. These collegiate men are aware that their faces and the court papers are made public.
I was not in the room when Eddie Long groomed these children, however what we see with this story is not uncommon. Children are often fearful of speaking out, and sometimes they like how they are treated with the void being filled; predators know that, and that is why they do it.
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However, when children become adults, and they must deal with the psychological effects of what has happened to them, which often presents itself in the face of new relationships, and painful flashbacks, they are sometimes ready to speak out.
I hope you have a chance to view the above video where a child sexual abuse survivor talks a little about grooming. Make sure that you are figuring out your child’s weaknesses, and you fill the void with positive affirmations that let them know just how amazing they are. In this case, predators will be less attracted to them as candidates to groom and later abuse.
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She is currently accepting both national and international speaking invitations on topics that include Spiritual and Child Sexual Abuse. Please join our petition: Make Child Sexual Abuse A Felony
- Who are Child Sexual Abuse Predators? (ressurrection.wordpress.com)
- The Predators we Love (ressurrection.wordpress.com)
- Victim Blaming pushes away whom we Love (ressurrection.wordpress.com)
- If I were a Predator where would I go for Thanksgiving? (ressurrection.wordpress.com)
- Joshua Myers, Assistant Principal at Virginia Elementary School arrested for Child Porn, and Sex with Minors sentenced to five years (ressurrection.wordpress.com)
- Eddie Long’s Wife filed for Divorce (ressurrection.wordpress.com)
- Joshua Myers, Assistant Principal at Virginia Elementary School arrested for Child Porn, and Sex with Minors. (ressurrection.wordpress.com)
- The Ladies Room: The Bible and Child Sexual Abuse by Ressurection Graves (thelifechangeministry.wordpress.com)