My Letter to My Younger Self
Did you know that your middle name means Victory of the People and Overcomer in Victory? “You’ll always feel a sense of alone because you’re not meant to be in the crowd. You need your breathing and thinking room to change the world.
Your stubbornness and your relentlessness are assets to be admired and not handcuffed. Despite the adversaries that will come against you, and attack your very being, know that I have branded you with me.
My Kingdom is on the inside of you, and you want to see it manifest. While others may be reluctant you’ll always be ambitious and unafraid because it is who you are.” –
You were born at the perfect time, in the right season. Your need and desire for love make you no less woman or child. You are not weak or unbalanced because of your needs. Having been born into a family that can not love you is a thorn in your side you must bear now, than at thirty.
Res, your mother loves you but she does not know how. You will have to teach her. Your siblings do not love you, and although this will always hurt they may never love you. Love is an action word.
Rather than to continue to operate in anger, take your thoughts and write them all down. One day, you will be the writer that you fall asleep dreaming of. Writing isn’t an aspiration for you, it is just something you’ll never be able to do without.
There is a the one, and if you keep this in your heart, he’ll find you. I promise. You won’t believe the mistakes you’ll make. Instead of thinking that you’ll never have time to do it all, and rushing through life as if you won’t make it to your next birthday please know that God has a plan for your life that will not derail.
If you keep enjoying the expression ofas you do, you’ll forget that you can get pregnant and you will. If you could focus on basketball, your studies and write you’ll still make time for him. You love him now, but I promise you’ll love someone else in a few years.
“The One” for you will find you when you have learned a lot and been stripped of everything. He’ll be the new perspective, something you’ve always asked for and never seen. He’s beautiful by the way.
Who you are
You are made just like you. God uniquely made you to be in the spirit ofand it’s not authentic to change who you are.
You’ll be exactly what you have always seen of yourself as a, writer, wife and mother. You’ll be a philanthropist. Your husband will love you deeply and you’ll spend your lives in intimacy.
The difficult part for you will be navigating through what you know. While others are seeking to find themselves, you’re seeking to find out how to reach the vision you saw at seven, and that makes you different.
To some you may be hard to relate to. Your convictions are strong, and you don’t bite your tongue when others lie in fear. You will have friendships for seasons but only very few for lifetime.
Your relationships serve you, as you serve others. The friends that God has appointed you, like your husband will be the ones that love you, teach you, toughen and soften you all at once. But many will come and not have the heart to stay.
Forgiveness is for you. You may choose your relationships carefully but walking in unforgiveness is not an option.
Many women look at men on television and say, “I want my husband to come just like that.” However, men change and grow, and evolve just as we do. Men don’t come altogether despite what you will think.
And you will spend years assuming that your man is “the man” outwardly when you meet him. Don’t spend so much time praying for all the things that you think are a good idea for your man to possess. Keep it simple and tell God what is deeply rooted in your heart for your man to possess. When you do this, he will come!
And lastly, I love you. You will never have a problem loving yourself but you will have a problem with understanding why others don’t. They are not all meant to love you. Keep in mind that we are all called to divine connections. It is okay, God will be your love and HE will send you love that is unconditional. You will find freedom and healing and friendship.
You were molested at four years old, and a scar was left in your vagina until age nine. The school passed around these records and each teacher determined how they felt about you based on paperwork before you ever met.
The gossip and paperwork between teachers never gave you a chance. You have a right to be angry, to feel violated every day of your life. When you turn eighteen, just as the amazing star that you are, you’ll realize that you couldn’t control life as a child but you have a responsibility to yourself to overcome the trauma of abuse both emotionally and sexually.
Do it now! As hard and confusing and painful as rising above the argument or right or wrong may be, healing now will leave you with more life to create positive memories.
It is not your fault! None of it. Not the, assault, being unloved or told by your brother that you can’t have new shoes because you are too bad. And whenever you are done crying their will be harvest, just like rain.
Ressurrection means to stand up, to stand out to be set apart! You have a heaven of a name, and one day, one day after climbing out of what feels like pitiful falls, you will see yourself and around you their will be glory!
Oh, and stop molly-wopping people. Jail for juveniles is not the same as jail for adults. No matter how many times you prove yourself, someone else will ask for the same whooping they just witnessed. When you learn to change your expectations or perceptions of how others should treat you, or feel about you, you will be able to handle your anger. You barely get angry now!
You’ll become a beautiful woman, confident and assertive as you are now. You’ll be deeply romantic and you’ll always love God. You’ll possess greater understanding of the word but you’ll abandon the religious opinions of church people. You’ll stray from God’s voice and feel cluttered by the wannabe theologians of the church, but you’ll return to your first love; God. Remember that voice is the sweetest most fragrant, present and clear voice you have ever known.
I didn’t realize how amazing you were then, until I tried to write down things I’d want you to learn, or do differently.
This letter is for you, to tell you, my younger self things that may have changed my life. In truth, I feel that you were dealt a horrible hand in Spades and you have worked it like only you have known how. I’m so proud of you, and I don’t want you to change you.
I would love to tell you that if you had a better family you would have been in business by fifteen and a millionaire before college- no high school pregnancy, and no deviation from your gifts in business, writing or basketball.
To change others around you would be not accepting what you can not change. Be reassured that you are love; create it, enjoy it, teach it and always be the manifested presence of it. God is your source, not man and with this knowledge you’ll always possess abundance.
I LOVE YOU!
Original Post Date: December 7, 2011 at 3:03
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