We have started family counseling. All of my siblings are invited and only one showed yesterday. I think God has an elaborate plan that he is not totally sharing with us. It is kind-of-like how we as parents withhold information from our children until it is the right time for them to know. This information could be eating us alive because it is so good, or we could be holding out for change hoping that things will metamorphose into a better outcome.
Of course, I am bound by moral confidentiality but I will say that this process is not for the weak. The counselor said to me a few weeks ago in a session that included healing between my mother and myself (no other siblings showed up), that we are a strong family. She spoke so positive about our family as a whole that it changed my position and my posture. In a moment I saw my family as the strong, capable, enduring brand that we are. Even in darkness, light is light.
We do not agree on most things, and some people may be in deep pain, denial, or too gripped by fear to participate but the ole’ adage that things could be much worse, is always relevant.
Damaged or not, we are all capable of resurrection! We can all be like the woman with the issue of blood for twelve years, who wanted so desperately to be healed that she went to the solution, the hem of the healer’s garment.
Today as I take time for personal reflection, I am reminded that nothing in life happens independently perfect. No one wants to go back to school at thirty to get the college degree that they wish they pursued at eighteen, but perhaps purpose makes the difference. No one wants to initiate contact when bitterness, hurt, disappointment, and/or fear has moved in and lives rent free.
In my book Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey To Love, I talk about feeling abandoned from siblings, and other emotions that have put me in the mindset that although I would love to have healthy relationships, I understand that it may not be possible with my family. I was tired of being the one to request or initiate counseling.
The revelation that has come to me regarding how my life has been shaped by abuse, and how homelessness was the climax of events which resulted from abuse, helps me to dig deeper into my purpose to be an impact player.
In no way is my expressions about what ails or heals me an indication of some self profession of absolution but this is my adventure, and my journey to love.
May you be empowered to do something radical like forgive yourself, or show yourself that you have forgiven yourself today. Perhaps you have someone to forgive. One thing that I have learned is that everything is constant, not just time or energy. Everything is revolving, good and bad. We have the opportunity to choose what we desire to revolve around or to have revolve around inside of us.