Lisa (wife and mom) her daughter Melissa, and step-father David Wayne Mixon were a family until one fatal day that changed their entire lives forever. This story is a warning to all women and men seeking a significant other whether online or in a grocery store. Here is their story.
Lisa Bishop was like many sixteen year olds in exploring love and dating. She got involved with a boy who ultimately date raped her. She stayed in that relationship out of fear for the next two and a half years. One counselor told her that she was a victim of repeated rapes for the entire relationship because she was only having sex with him out of fear and not because it was a consensual act. Her boyfriend Brent would threaten her saying, “If you leave me, I will kill myself.”
In my book, Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to Love I talk about Wolf, who was my first love who did actually shoot himself when I broke up with him so I totally understand her fears associated with exiting this relationship. I was twelve.
Lisa, a bright articulate mom who works from home never thought about being impacted by her teenage relationship or the sexual assaults and rapes that followed. “I never thought I was a victim until all of this happened,” she said. When she got the courage to talk about what happened to her with her husband, and would make statements about “telling someone” he would always say, “You don’t have to tell” in front of her daughter.
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Often times, victims of abuse become more susceptible to various kinds of abuse in their future relationships because we tend to attract the unhealthy aspects of the relationship to us, without knowing. This attraction can be a part of our verbal or non-verbal communication.
Now Lisa realizes that David may have given subliminal messages to her child that prevented her from sharing that he was sexually abusing Melissa.
On a mommy-daughter trip to New York, Melissa came to her mother right before bedtime and said, “I have something to tell you about David. He’s been sexually abusing me since I was eight years old.”
Melissa and her boyfriend Chad were playing a game where they were sharing secrets. Melissa texted, “My stepfather has been sexually abusing me since I was eight years old.” Chad called immediately, and told her that if she did not tell her mother, he would.
Lisa’s response out loud after Melissa told her was, “You will never see him again, you are now safe.” But her heart was shattered. She reports that the pain of this situation was so painful that learning the full details of what happened could have put her in a mental institution due to a nervous breakdown.
Many women married to a child molester have these feelings. You invest all of yourself into a relationship that you believe to be good, and then your whole life becomes unreal before your eyes.
Lisa Corinne Bishop and David Wayne Mixon met on Match.com about more than ten years ago. She was immediately smitten by his bilingualism and intelligence. They talked on the phone, emailed until they were comfortable and then met in person. Mixon worked as a civilian employee for the military. Mixon grew up in Italy, was transferred to DC within the Federal Government. He worked in Italy, Germany, Washington DC, Oklahoma, Florida, and Virginia Beach. He traveled all over.
He is also a military veteran. After seven years of working on the road, in various cities to climb the government ladder he took a position in Hampton, Va which put him closer to Lisa. He was ready to marry soon after. Seven months after they married following the seven-year mostly long distance relationship, Melissa, came to her with this devastating news.
Mixon was arrested on 23 counts for child sexual abuse. Some of the charges against him for abusing his step-daughter include two charges of aggravated sexual battery, two charges of aggravated sexual battery by parent of child 13-17, six charges of forcible sodomy, six charges of object sexual penetration of a child under 13, and indecent liberties with a child under 15.
Melissa reports that his sexual abuse began with massages on the her back escalating to her lower extremities. Mixon convinced the child that the family income was dependent upon his money. He would threaten Melissa to tell her mother lies about her. Melissa’s plan was to leave and to never return when she became of age.
Child Sexual Abuse Grooming as I have titled it, works just like this. The predator uses tactics to engage the child in confusion and manipulation. Grooming is when steps are taken to gain the trust of the child in order to sexually abuse them.
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Lisa did exactly the right thing. She hoped and prayed that her child was lying and this would all be straightened out, but she remained strong for her and took action immediately. They never came home. They went to her mother’s until Mixon moved out.
In reflection Lisa says David was extremely emotionally abusive; degrading. He took an active role in raising their daughter, even co-parenting in teaching child sexual abuse prevention to Melissa for when she visited her biological father’s home. He would say, “When you take a shower and go in your bedroom, lock the door.”
Now Lisa understands that Mixon’s concerns were territorial and he was not teaching sexual abuse prevention as a loving, protecting step-father but as a child molester obsessed with isolating the abuse.
After Melissa shared her secret that evening in a New York hotel room with her mother Lisa, their entire life changed immediately. Lisa confronted David who denied the abuse emphatically.
Lisa says that she lived for those phone calls because honestly his lie got her through the day mentally. “I was in so much pain that facing this head-on would have put me in a mental institution. I would rather Melissa be lying than for my husband to be guilty.” “Externally, I protected Melissa,” Lisa says.
Lisa continues “ I didn’t want to go to the police because David said that just the accusation would make him lose everything.” So, she started out to prove his innocence but everywhere that she turned she says, was pointing to the sexual abuse was true.
David began begging to talk to Melissa and when Lisa said he needed to do so in front of her, he declined by saying, “Melissa would not feel free to speak in front of you. Melissa feels more comfortable with me and I can convince her to recant.”
The desire for the sexual abuse revealed by her daughter to be untrue was so strong, that eventually she allowed for a public meeting. Lisa took her daughter to a public place for safety reasons, and allowed Mixon and Melissa to sit at one table while Lisa sat at another table close by. Lisa, as any mother still wanted the allegations to be fabricated but they were not. There is a part of you that hopes for misunderstanding, even when the truth has been revealed.
Mixon did ask Melissa his step daughter to take back what she said about him sexually abusing her, but she was brave and declined.
This was not it. Lisa was listening to some of the comments her daughter would make. These comments are not typical of a child who was not sexually abused by their step-father. She knew. She knew that Melissa was telling the truth. It was painfully true. Melissa said when speaking to her mother one day that whenever she and her boyfriend Brian would kiss or anything she felt like she was cheating on David, her stepfather.
After four months of trying to disprove the allegations, she felt pre-heart attack. Her best friend who lives in New York stepped in with a plan. He took them to the Long Island Citizens For Community Values organization. They work against pornography, keeping strip clubs off of the island amongst other initiatives.
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After a short conversation with Melissa the woman came out and said, “I’m sorry but Melissa is telling the truth. If you don’t call the police, I will.” Within the week of returning home, Bishop turned her husband in.
The interviews started with the Williamsburg Police Department, Child Protective Services, Norfolk Forensic Interviews which also determined that she was telling the truth.
Her daughter said that, “It was everything but sex.” The very last time that he had tried something he tried to penetrate, but she fought him off.
The trial date was set for September 10, 2012 however it was continued to December 7, 2012.
Bishop found my blog entitled, “Clayton Griffin: Child Rapist and How to Know You May be Dating a Child Predator” and she left a comment there:
“That was so well written and honestly, I haven’t seen those tips before anywhere else so I have just learned something. I am a single mother – my boyfriend / husband molested my daughter for 8 years. I didn’t know I should be looking for signs because I didn’t know that kind of evil could penetrate my world. It did. He has 23 felonies against him and the trial is in 12 days.”
Lisa contacted me because she wanted to share her story to help other people who like her would never believe that something like this could happen. When I asked her if there were anything that she could remember which were now a red flag that he was acting inappropriately (not that she would have known exactly what his actions were) she gave me a few to share with you.
She remembers that he would often say, “I would never hurt you, I love you so much.” Bishop was still in contact with Mixon after the charges were filed because they had financial matters and other family business that had to be discussed.
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He perceived that he was in a relationship with his stepdaughter Melissa. He had a conversation face-to-face with Lisa during one of the times that they had to connect over business. He said, “It’s not what you think. Let’s say you’re a 15-year-old boy and you like to look at pics of 15-year-old girls. Now, you’re a 30-40 year old man and you still like to look at 15 years old girls, how is that wrong?”
Lisa responded, that society dictates that 18 and under is off-limits. His response was, “Let’s say that society dictates that you have to drive 55 mph, but you don’t want to drive 55 mph, why do you have to do what society tells you to do?”
1. David Wayne Mixon was addicted to pornography.
Dr. Patrick Carnes, a leading researcher on sexual addictions studied 932 sex addicts and found that 90% of the men and 77% of the women report that pornography is a significant element in their sexual addiction. He found two common elements in sexual addiction: Child Sexual Abuse and frequent Pornography use accompanied by masturbation.
85% of convicted rapists said, they were regular users of pornography and 57% admitted direct imitation of pornography scenes when they committed rape according to a Pornography Fuels Addiction, Rape, and Molestation report by the Traditional Values Coalition.
Many women are given the excuse by their husbands and significant others that men in general do not see pornography as lustful. From the male perspective it is male-bonding no different from going out to the club, a bar or a ball-game. It is a cultural expectation learned at an early age by peers, radio topics, media, and the world that we live in.
Historically, a promiscuous boy is celebrated while a promiscuous girl is separated.
2. David Wayne Mixon walked around in his boxers often with the front flap revealing his pubic hair.
It is always inappropriate for a man to walk around his daughter with only boxers on, whether it is his biological, adopted or step daughter. Many naturalists or persons practicing nudism that do so for some specific spiritually based belief are not inclined to cover up for their children. The basis for nudists who walk around their children without clothes on is that you are free.
As with the profile story that I wrote on Catherine Marie Elder Portillo whose step-father was a nudist, who exposed her to bestiality and sexually abused her, there are many people who may be using nudism as a way to fulfill other agendas including child sexual abuse.
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For cases of incest, wearing boxers that have a flap in the front which “accidentally” exposes the child to the adults penis or pubic hair; wearing no clothing, or in Catherine’s case a robe that was open, and did not have anything at all under you can consider that they are so comfortable doing this among the children because they are sexually abusing one or more of them. He is used to being exposed to them.
If you challenge a loved one who is doing this, and they protest, I would seriously consider this a red flag and a purpose for further internal investigation.
3. David Wayne Mixon was controlling and kept secrets.
Lisa says that David always knew her whereabouts, every minute of the day. Perhaps this information helped him to sexually abuse their daughter. Additionally Mixon had all of Bishop’s email account passwords but she did not have one of his.
He was able to know every detail about her but would not allow her the same access. I often speak to people about the marriage relationship and here is the reality, you may reconsider spending you life with someone whom you cannot trust with your passwords. Maybe you are not ready for that kind of commitment. The other way to look at it is, why marry someone and have to trust them with your life (by sleeping in the same bed with them at night), but you cannot trust them with your bank or email account?
Even if you and your mate agree to have separate accounts that you use regularly, what is wrong with both of your names being listed on every account? These are questions to explore before or if you are currently in a marriage.
4. David Wayne Mixon believes that little white lies were acceptable
Mixon would often tell Bishop that “White lies are fine.” Bishop would respond, “A lie is a lie.” If you notice that your husband lies to other people without a blink of an eye, I would explore his reasoning. I would also encourage anyone to remember that marrying someone requires us to know their character even if you cannot discern all that is in a person’s heart.
David Wayne Mixon was raised Catholic though he was not practicing. He hated his father noting that he felt he was a hypocrite. “He carries his big bible, but doesn’t live up to it.” David was verbally and physically abused by his own admission to Lisa. His father died August 17, 2012. Mixon is currently detained and awaiting trial December 7,2012.
Ressurrection is a child sexual abuse grooming expert seeking to make it a felony. She is an author and speaker on topics surrounding emotional wellness, relationships and child sexual abuse. She is available for interviews and speaking engagements by phone or nationwide. 202.717.7377 and ressurrection(dot)wordpress(at)yahoo.com