Rarely do I look at the “search terms” on my website and decide to make it a blog topic anymore, however this question made my heart grieve for the person asking the question. I am not sure what blog they landed on by asking this question, but I know that I have not written specifically about this topic before.
Sexually abused children certainly have a more difficult road to travel than children who have not been subject to this kind of abuse. One of the points that I make in my writing is that often sexual abuse is only part of the abuse that is endured.
I have created a term called child sexual abuse grooming, and on twitter #CSAG for the purposes of distinguishing between what the law views as child grooming and what child sexual abuse grooming really is. There are laws in place about child grooming however it is related directly to child trafficking. This leaves out charges that should be filed against perpetrators for grooming children for sexual abuse outside of the trafficking industry.
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The truth is, victims of child sexual abuse end up a lot of things if they do not take the necessary steps to overcome the affects of mental, physical, emotional and spiritual grief that abuse causes.
I think that is why I like my book so much. I wrote it in crisis, when I was figuring out that there was a correlation between my child sexual abuse and adult homelessness. I think that writing helped me to overcome abuse most certainly but my goal in writing my memoir was not to discover that I had unresolved pains associated with abuse.
I now understand why my twenties were so painful emotionally and why I did not meet my husband then. Internally I wrestled and did not even realize it. I could not understand why I was not “normal”, and I was frustrated that treating me “normal” did not solve my problems.
What is normal anyway? I’m only using the word to show a difference between our perception and what actually is our personal state of existence.
My real answer to your question is that anyone who is not whole, who has unresolved shame, painful memories that haunt them in the form of flashbacks or nightmares, who has difficulty with maintaining friendships (even if there issue is surrounded around a lack of money), this can prevent your from being connected to a healthy relationship.
However, the fact that you are asking this question does not reveal solely that you are in grief. It shows that you recognize that you are not living your best life and that you desire to be loved expressly for the extraordinary person that you are.
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I encourage you to do the work. What work? You know the work! Attend conferences that match your belief system with leaders that you have found to be inspiring and faith empowering. Get into your spiritual closet and begin to ask questions about who you really are, and the experience that you really want to have in your life.
You don’t show up overnight (to others), but there are amazing ah-ha moments when you show up to yourself. Aside from the psychological profiling that often renders verdicts about our personalities and disorders, I believe that we all have the same chances to heal afforded to us. Anyone seeking relief from spiritual, emotional, financial and physical poverty can find it, if they only believe and take action.
To the person who wants to know if they will be single forever because of what happened to them, the answer is no. God sent me my husband when I was ready. There was a shift that happened inside of me. I would not have met my husband however if we both were not in a spiritual place to recognize God’s voice who directed us to each other.
Incidentally, we met in a homeless shelter. Make sure that you do not limit God, and that you do not limit yourself. You are powerful and limitless. You are literally what you believe.
“Be whole. Be healed. Be love. Be light. Be effective. Be Extraordinary!” – Ressurrection