What in the name of all that is holy did I just commit to? Truthfully, in this moment I do not see the next 59 days ahead of me. However choosing to be the answer, I adjust. I am not going to look at tomorrow until it arrives. I cannot.
I should clarify something. I am not “juicing” by the definition that I think everyone understands it. What I’ve learned is that the difference between a juicer and a blender is that the blender keeps all the pulp in it, and the juicer separates the pulp (which is fiber). I am not eating any food, and I am using my blender to make me fruit and vegetable smoothies.
Since I have an oversized bag of Kale in my refrigerator, every smoothie that I have for the next week will have Kale in it. I thought that it would be challenging to be creative with making smoothies however today I realized that I am used to putting a fork to my mouth.
There are people who have oral fixations and they need a mint or a piece of gum in their mouth. For me, at some point today it was my natural instinct to look for something to chew. You can’t exactly do that with liquid. The best that I’m getting is pulp.
At the point when I felt like maybe I was trying to challenge myself with something that is too hard, my husband told me that I was not drinking enough. He went and made me a smoothie that I can not put down.
Then, I began to tell him about my concern that I’m in too deep, and he came and had a passionate sit down with me in my office about how I needed to pray. What? I’m thinking, you don’t have to tell me to pray. Is this a joke? But, I kept my mouth closed. And, I said to myself, “Self, you have not prayed today.” Now, when I say I haven’t prayed today, what I really mean is that I haven’t spent time in worship.
Today was a full day. And, every time I tried to get a moment I was occupied with work. I interviewed Domonique Scott, a cast member for the Sisterhood, and played phone tag with a woman who booked me to speak as her keynote for an event in Northern, California in May 2013.
The best quote of the day came from my client who booked me for the keynote. She said, “They don’t know you. I called you because I want them to know you.” In other words, come out here and change lives, so we can fly you back out here for multiple events.
Someone wants me to be known? I don’t mean like famous known, I mean like – you are the solution, an answer to a problem – known. What this means for me is that I have to continue to push and challenge myself to discover answers to relevantly be one.
After my husband’s reminder I went to YouTube. I clicked on a video that I always overlook and I’m so glad I did. The words are below:
I’m a mess, I’m a mess, I’m a mess right now don’t fix me up just lay me down, you fill me up to pour me out, I am undone.
The “I’m a mess” can be literal or figurative, but with this being my first day of this 60 days without food could this song be more divine?
Ressurrection Graves is a child sexual abuse expert, and H.E.A.L.E.R. who has decided to journal her self-challenge to eat no food for sixty days. She is available for media and speaking engagements on topics surrounding child sexual abuse and homelessness. She may be reached at: ressurrection dot wordpress at yahoo dot com or 202.717.7377 (RESS)