I think people have a misconception that when you get married, you have arrived. In fact, I think we believe that about everything. We don’t see life as a constant but as a destination. So, we want to get out of high school. Some aren’t encouraged to go to college. But for those who are, you want to go to college.
After getting your degree, you imagine you’ll do that forever. But things are always improving and to BE. Extraordinary! you need continuing education classes, connections with other innovative people who empower you to be strong and amazing. We are single, and decide that marriage will be the end of something we feel void of, and this is your lie to yourself.
Marriage is absolutely awesome, adorable, lovely. Being married to my husband brings me joy and I can only liken it to my decision to live for God. I believe that marriage has a doctrine and in that first year, learning how to understand the covenant created between you two, and the choice to walk in it, is a challenge for anyone.
It does not change your love, if anything marriage should rekindle the fire that you have for God as your mate serves as an example, a tangible expression of your divine relationship with the most high. Also, your love should grow as you handle discrepancies with care. In the first year, you will learn:
- When to fight
- How to fight
- What communication really is all about
When emotions are high, and tension makes you impulsive, you can raise your voice or argue in front of children. When you get married, whatever you were able to hide is exposed. Whether you struggle with pornography, poor eating habits, or are irresponsible the first year of your marriage will require you to examine yourself beyond what your single preparation for marriage may have done for you.
It is important that you don’t blame each other, or try to parent one another but that you truly develop a love and partnership. Create an atmosphere that inspires the other to heal, grow, mature and BE. Extraordinary! There is nothing wrong with having non-negotiables but remember that God gave us free will to serve, and choose our relationship with him. Our relationship with our mate is not about power and control.
The relationship tip is:
Do Not Abandon Your Communication Skills
You could say that at some point in your life you’ve felt abandoned by God. Whether the statement of your feelings are true or not may be different but understand that there have been times where we’ve felt like God was not hearing us. We have to learn in our intimacy with God, how he talks to us. For me, he speaks directly at times, through people (who do not know that they are conveying a message), and in dreams. How does God talk to you?
I would have never said that anything was more important than sex before getting married. I may have put them on the same level but I venture to say that communication is necessary for anything else to work. God speaks, but he also listens. I believe that one way to learn effective communication is to examine and develop your communication with God.
And, as it relates to your mate, use wisdom. Know when to speak, when to listen and when to decide mutually to be silent agreeing to come back together in a short period of time to work it out. Consider communication the percussion section of your marriage.
Ressurrection Graves is a relationship mentor who loves love. She writes and maintains her blog, is an author and national speaker on topics surrounding healing, love, relationships, entrepreneurship, child sexual abuse and homelessness. To check out her speaking topics please click here.