“Nevamind I’ll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you two…. don’t forget me, I beg, I’ll remember you said, sometimes it lasts in love, and sometimes it hurts instead.”
This part of the famous Adele song “Someone like you” draws tears from the coldest most concrete-hearted person. There is some part of us that stands up to rejection and saddness in an act of survival, of desperation for controlling our emotions enough to imagine moving on.
In contrast when your heart breaks, this standing-up is only an act. It reminds me of breathing techniques while belting out notes that make you want to cry, self-control is a powerful reaction to the things that want to break you.
As emotionally descending as it is to say “Never mind I’ll find someone like you”, it strikes me as a lie. When our souls are tied to the idea that we’ve found the best, even in the midst of revelation that we have in fact not found the best person for us, we (particularly women) seem to mislead ourselves into this brokenness which tells us that no one else will ever match the intense love that we’ve experienced with the same person that comes to mind when this song is played.
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The lie is this: We are emotionally connected to the idea of finding someone who is familiar but we don’t really want the same person. We don’t want someone “like” the person we’re breaking up with. Who in the tom-foolery wants to experience the level of deep dissatisfaction which comes with believing that we’ve found love when it was a form of love?
Similar to how some people who say they have an intimate connection with God only have a form of godliness. This song is one of the most beautiful, saddest songs we’ve ever heard. It resonates with all of mankind who can reach into their sense memory to capture moments that should be forbidden to remember.
As you enjoy this song, and the break-up songs that follow I hope that you remember to do a self-check for familiar spirits. Please know that you do not want him to remember you, because you want to move on and be filled with joy as he is with his future (wife). You too, want to find someone who is not like him or you two together.
The truth is the line, “Nevermind I’ll find someone like you” is a bit haunting and if you listen to this kind of self-talk, you’ll find someone like him, over and over again while living in complete blindness to your relationship wish list. You can be proactive. You can sit down and believe God for the relationship he has just for you. You’d have to be honest with yourself first, honest with God and draw the right person close to you. I know it can happen.
You want someone who will say this about you:
“It’s like what Billy Crystal said in When Harry Met Sally, ‘when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.'” –Jared L.
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Wishing you someone different,
Ressurrection is a relationship mentor who offers pre-engagement counseling to couples who are in a relationship and thinking about marriage. Using biblical principles she offers support in making next step assessments for couples thinking of tying the knot. For more information please call 202.717.7377 or email ressurrection dot wordpress at yahoo dot com