Should You Break Your Silence?

When I talk to people who contact me about breaking their silence, and telling their story I am always cautious to include that some people may not believe them. I also mention that it is quite possible that some people will actually fabricate their story to others whom they know, and do not know for their own gain. They will take something that rocked you to the core and use it as a pawn in an effort to discredit you.

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I usually take the time to warn people citing that it is possible for you to be challenged for coming forward, but the truth is, I never have had a personal experience where someone would try to do this to me, at least not that I’m aware of that is, until today. Unfortunately, that changed last night. I likely have the absolute worst in-laws in the history of them. They have lied on me from the very beginning. The good part of this is that my husband, my own family and friends have witnessed it first-hand.

I’ll spare you the details, indeed. But the worst of it came from the main instigator last night when I received a message addressed to me, in my husband’s inbox which read in part:

To resurrection you are a trifling bitch for someone who’s been raped several times by her family your father made you do all types of shit raped by a host of your brothers friends…

There is more to the message but by writing everything I will have to tell you the background story and that will deviate from the reason that I chose to write about this today. The only other thing I’ll add is that one of the people in the family said:

You are dead to me, and this family and as soon as (insert my husband’s name) wake’s up you’ll be dead to him too.

What an amazing welcome, don’t you think? I wrote a book about healing from child sexual abuse. I talked about my life after the abuse first happened at four years old, and the struggles that I had with faith and obeying discernment as a teenager. I subconsciously realize that being sexually abused as a child has led to my homelessness after closing a company and losing my home during the peak of the recession. When family relationships are unstable, becoming homeless only magnifies the turmoil that is current. While the family maintains their identity (good or bad), the homeless person is flooded with the reality of the family’s spiritual, emotional, psychological and sometimes physical lifestyle.

While there are many things that have happened to me in my life, a lot of them are not written in the book. However, I have never been raped by family. I have never been raped by my father, or my brother and I most certainly have not been gang raped or ever raped by my brother’s friends.

I believe that we all have some family dysfunction. As a result some people become a part of the generational dysfunction by being a successor of the curses that bind their family, and some learn coping skills that keep them from going crazy. For some family members, to dissociate and others are passive-aggressive, lukewarm to it which allows the people to be celebrated while they feel no conviction.

When someone says that the abuse you experienced did not happen, or they lie on you repeatedly in an effort to put people against you, it feels like this, right?

People will talk about you. It is mythical to say that words do not hurt. We have authority to ensure that curse words do not take root, but to imply that words do not create, transform, build, break, make alive or kill is a part of the lie that we feed ourselves in order to cope with crisis.

When God delivered me from anger, he gave me communication. He gave me this as a strategy. There are few times when anger rises now like it has against his family. And it happens as a result of people who are intentionally evil, and likely being used (in a demonic sense) to attack me. When problems arise I like to talk them out, but people who intentionally lie, and disrespect you do not want to talk so there is often no resolution possible through communication.

If you are thinking of breaking your silence to a counselor bound by confidentiality, then you may avoid this altogether. However if by breaking your silence your spouse’s family will pass your book around, and use it as ammunition to talk about you and lie on you, it is important that you are prepared to handle those attacks without losing yourself.

Some people who have called me about the disadvantages of publicly breaking their silence are fearful that their own family will disown them. Sharing your story is a decision that you have to make, and it should not be weighed lightly. As we see under the comments sections of huge news sources, people will make fun of you they will discriminate against you and even hate you for the color of your skin. Sharing your story takes supernatural strength and I believe that you have to be in a place of wholeness where you can process your emotions before you embark on the journey.

It is also important to know that you deserve and should require healthy relationships around you. I encourage you to surround yourself with people who understand who and where you are, who see and support your vision, who celebrate your strengths and walk with you as you overcome your weaknesses. When you have a healthy relationship you know it, you can recognize it spot on because there are usually few close relationships that we encounter in this way. When someone loves you, they are completely invested. The calls are mutual, the desire to stay connected are mutual, and seeking quality time together is mutual for example. Love is not a yoke around your neck, it’s not something inconsistent or confusing, and it doesn’t seek to steal, kill or destroy you spiritually, mentally, or physically. May you turn in lies, for love.

Ressurrection writes on subjects surrounding homelessness, child sexual abuse, and relationships. She is a speaker, author and entrepreneur who can be reached for radio interviews at 202.717.7377 (RESS)